#1
This is from 'The Ultimate Guide to Guitar Maintenance. Thought I'd share with the Pit.

10. A girl returned from a music shop where she had bought a Fender strat, complaining that the whammy bar was broken. The guy behind the counter asked her to demonstrate what the problem was, and was amazed when she rammed it into the input jack and wiggled it out. "Told you it didn't work", she told him smugly.

9. It was 1986 and David Lee Roths 'Yankee Rose' video featuring Steve Vai spinning his axe round his neck inspired one young Glaswegian to do the same. Only thing is, when Vai did it, his guitar didn't end up flying off the strap and wedging itself into a speaker. And when he tried to free it, the headstock snapped off.

8. Angry bloke stomp stomps into a music shop claiming that his new electric guitar has stopped working. The man had removed the original strings and replaced them with nylon strings because they were 'easier to play'. Great, except pickups can't amplify plastic strings!

7. There was an elderly couple who had bought a cheap acoustic guitar and had tried to remove the plastic covering on the stratchplate. Somehow, they had managed to pull the entire top off the guitar and came back to the shop with it in two pieces. To the amusement of the staff they tried to get a replacement under guarantee. They left looking a bit sheepish.

6. Young guy buys a set of new pickups for his LP. A week later, he returns telling the music shop guy that the pickups aren't working. He takes a look and discovers instea of soldering the wires in place., the customer used Blu-tack.

5. A bloke buys a very expensive acoustic guitar and decides to hang it above his fireplace. Consequently, the heat dries out the guitar, the top splits and the neck falls onto his coffee table, smashing it to pieces. Smooth.

4. A guy walks into a music shop with a 'melted' guitar. Apparently he wanted to remove the finish so he dipped his whole guitar into a vat of paint stripper. It took the finish off, yes. It also malted his pickups and destroyed his floyd rose.

3. A man asked if he can try a wah pedal in a shop. "Its not working" says the customer. The sales guy takes a look and while the man has got a cable running from the guitar to the amp, he has nothing plugged into the wah. He's busy rocking the pedal back and forth strumming like a maniac, but the pedal isn't plugged into anything...

2. A young guitarist decides to coat his machineheads in superglue to stop his guitar ever going out of tune. Despite the fact that wouldn't work anyway, he then breaks a string. See the flaw in his plan?

1. The all-time idiot was a guy who didn't realise that you needed an amp to amplify an electric guitar. Confused, he snipped off one of the jacks on his guitar lead and replaced it with a 13-amp plug and plugged it directly into the wall! Joking aside, he was luck to be alive!
#2
lol...

number 1 doesn't sound an honest one, but made up.

i dont believe it too much, but it would be hella funny if it was proven.
#4
lol when I got it (was TG **** back then? had the makeover happened then?) I read it, and all of that seems a load of bollocks, I mean yeah its a giggle and not to be taken seriously but pfft, the magazine is patronising wank anyway.
#6
Quote by minibrowny
lol when I got it (was TG **** back then? had the makeover happened then?) I read it, and all of that seems a load of bollocks, I mean yeah its a giggle and not to be taken seriously but pfft, the magazine is patronising wank anyway.

Yeah, I got it in TG ages ago. And yeah, it sucks really bad now.

Yay, another fucking Razorback review! Because everyone wants one of those!
#8
I remember that! The maintenence guide actually came in handy as I had just got my first Ibanez guitar.
#10
Number two is my favorite.
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#11
ha wow number 3 lol......
just get a reality tv show and then u can make millions being a **** up

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#12
I cringed reading those...

I'd like to add two things I heard of in the electric guitar forum:

1. Some chick sat on her brand new strat, snapping the neck.
2. A newbie got dirt on his guitar. He drowned the thing in his bathtub or something and used loads of soap and was wondering why it didn't work later on.
#13
Quote by Jack Off Jill
Number two is my favorite.


i COULD take that out of context. but i won't
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#15
They're all believable, except perhaps 1 and 4.
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#17
Quote by Tom_hatton
Yeah, I got it in TG ages ago. And yeah, it sucks really bad now.

Yay, another fucking Razorback review! Because everyone wants one of those!



I know, tis wank, theres too much metal. Guitarist and even Guitar and Bass magazine are so much better, they're actually almost mature. Total Guitar was never particularly intellectual but before the makeover it it made an attempt to be vaguely readable. Oh, and the reviews are bollocks now, they reviews like 3 products, but Ed Mitchell is the ****.


/rant.
#18
awwww f***. i actually did number four to a pickguard one time. there was no label. i felt stupid.
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#20
10 should be 1
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