#1
This is my first song ever, so take pity on me, ok? The song is played Alice Cooper/Iron Maiden style, I'm starting to compose it, but I'm open to suggestions on the lyrics.

VERSE 1 (Guitar plays softly in background)
Can't love,
Can't feel.
Ther'es nothing in life for me.
Can't hide,
The fact,
That my heart is dead to the core.

VERSE 2
I see,
Young loves,
Running and fooling around.
I hear,
My heart,
Getting sick of it every time.

CHORUS (Heavy riff)
Why did this happen
To me, is my life
Such a waste of time? (accompanied by three power chords)
Is there no solution
To my everyday pain,
Maybe I should just die!!

BRIDGE (Bass only)
There's no way out,
Must face my pain,
Why can't I shout
That my life is a living hell?! (Accompanied by a heavy drum beat)

Chorus
Why is my life
An intolerable phase,
That never ends or starts?
Listen you people,
And hear my tale,
Of the man with the rotten heart.

VERSE 3
Must be
Some way,
For me to relieve my pain,
But my heart
Is stabbed
Again and again and again!!! (Solo Starts)

SOLO

CHORUS
Why is my life
An intolerable phase,
That never ends or starts?
Listen you people,
And hear my tale,
Of the man with the rotten heart.
#2
I think that the word 'intolerable' would be harder to articulate (well, for me at least) so you might want to change that. I like the idea for the song. "And hear my tale of the man with the rotten heart" kind of sticks in my brain for some reason, I mean that in a good way. Cool lyrics, I think it would work good with your style of music.
#3
thanks... you know the feeling when you write something and you think it's terrible, and when you show it to other people they say it Rocks?

Peace is a Piece of Cake (me)
Last edited by jimmyled at Jul 3, 2008,
#4
In my opinion for your first song, it's great!
I really like it , it flows pretty good, the mood is pretty delightful
I can really see the pain in this song, well good work , keep it up!