#1
C4C


Deliver us not from evil
but from the shifty scales of good,
terms that, too often, are
misunderstood:
Rapture,
Communion,
Heaven and Earth;
stained glass sieves sift the sky of its mirth
as the delegate relegates warmth to the hearth.
A coven of culprits,
the covenant's girth
constricts as the pulpit strains masses of worth.

They castrate and curse you the day of your birth
but no gate can sunder the heavens from Earth.
"To be matter-of-fact about the world is to blunder into fantasy - and dull fantasy at that, as the real world is strange and wonderful." - Robert A. Heinlein
Last edited by Santeria420 at Jul 3, 2008,
#2
Quote by Santeria420
C4C


Deliver us from evil,
but pray not unto good,
terms that are, too often,
misunderstood:
Rapture,
Communion,
Heaven and Earth;
stained glass sieves sift the sky of its mirth
as the delegate relegates warmth to the hearth.
A coven of culprits,
the covenant's girth
constricts as the pulpit strains masses of worth.

There's no need to give them an ounce of your worth,
for no gate could sunder the heavens from Earth.



I wish it was a bit longer but I really like the use verse.

I really like this line as the delegate relegates warmth to the hearth.

I like the your lyrics a lot.
#3
Thanks, I was just reading yours and was likewise impressed. Heh, we're even on the same basic subject. Comment on yours right now.
"To be matter-of-fact about the world is to blunder into fantasy - and dull fantasy at that, as the real world is strange and wonderful." - Robert A. Heinlein
#5
Thanks 'dudes' Peace out.
"To be matter-of-fact about the world is to blunder into fantasy - and dull fantasy at that, as the real world is strange and wonderful." - Robert A. Heinlein
#6
Its pretty good, I only have 1 problem, but pray not unto good is it supposed to be unto? or do I just not know what it means?
#7
^Yeah, it just means "to" basically, its "used as a function word to indicate reference or concern," to quote Merriam Websters online. Thanks for the comment.
"To be matter-of-fact about the world is to blunder into fantasy - and dull fantasy at that, as the real world is strange and wonderful." - Robert A. Heinlein
#8
Quote by Santeria420

for the delegate relegates warmth to the hearth.


I don't think this line follows logically.
to relegate something is to move it to an obscure place, or hide it.
But warmth is normally on a hearth, there is no need to relegate it there, you know?
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#9
^relegate is also to assign something to a place of insignificance. The hearth is the Church. Now think
"To be matter-of-fact about the world is to blunder into fantasy - and dull fantasy at that, as the real world is strange and wonderful." - Robert A. Heinlein
#10
yea, I'll be honest.
I still don't follow. Why would the Church be insignificant?
Obviously you hold to an anti-church view,
But I'm reading the delegate as a church head/leader, and warmth, I'm not sure if that means warmth in a typical sense (good, peace, love, understanding) or if you want to relate it more to fire, (destruction, evil, war)

Obviously the delegate wouldn't view the church as insignificant. and obviously if you viewed the church as insignificant, then you wouldn't be singing about it.

So is it more of a "It should be insignificant" thing?

I think a lot of it, is that we have radically different world views and I have trouble following your symbolisms.
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#11
Church may have been the wrong word, in fact, let me start over... I was actually thinking of the hearth being the pulpit, and thinking of the pulpit as a fire place. So the church head confines warmth (peace, love, understanding kinda warmth) to the pulpit, and teaches them that to seek this warmth anywhere else in sinful. No doubt your misunderstanding was a result of our different world views and my obscure symbolism, I'm glad you brought it up because I'm trying to make that more clear.
"To be matter-of-fact about the world is to blunder into fantasy - and dull fantasy at that, as the real world is strange and wonderful." - Robert A. Heinlein
#12
Yeah, I can follow it more clearly now.

pulpit was clarified later, but it's not a traditional symbolism, so I had trouble following.

It's good though.

Last question. Should the first two lines be in quotes as if they were being spoken directly by the delegate?
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#13
Actually, the first two lines don't make much sense, not in this form. I was going somewhere else with it at first and changed direction as it progressed. The new version reads "Deliver us not from evil but from the shifty scales of good", so to answer your question it would be me speaking it. Thanks for your interest and comments.
"To be matter-of-fact about the world is to blunder into fantasy - and dull fantasy at that, as the real world is strange and wonderful." - Robert A. Heinlein
#14
i love it great description of the churches actions and the metaphors are outstanding
#15
very short and a little unclear phrasing at the start but I can dig it...
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#16
Quote by Santeria420
Church may have been the wrong word, in fact, let me start over... I was actually thinking of the hearth being the pulpit, and thinking of the pulpit as a fire place. So the church head confines warmth (peace, love, understanding kinda warmth) to the pulpit, and teaches them that to seek this warmth anywhere else in sinful. No doubt your misunderstanding was a result of our different world views and my obscure symbolism, I'm glad you brought it up because I'm trying to make that more clear.


Wow, yeah that explanation helped out my reading of this quite a bit. At first I wasn't sure about it, but I like the concept. Honestly, the only huge improvement you could make would be to mix up a bit of the word choice to help convey the meaning better.
#17
Thanks for the comments dudes
"To be matter-of-fact about the world is to blunder into fantasy - and dull fantasy at that, as the real world is strange and wonderful." - Robert A. Heinlein