#1
Here's an unfinished song I wrote about my problems with drug addiction and alcohol. Feedback welcome, thanks.

Feels like I'm wasted
I can't even taste it
As I'm losing my life

Some say you can fight it
I already tried that
Now I'm ready to let go

Because nothing comes easy
Does god even see me?
Or will I never know?
#2
It's got structure and flows well, I really like.

I really hope you get to finish that piece on a better note man! There is so much more to life than being owned by an addiction, but you can't see it till you break those addictions.
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Patrick
4jacks
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#3
I'd change "tried that" to "tried it". Makes for teh better rhymes, methinks. But I do agree, the song has an excellent structure. And being triplets, that's saying something. Now, I did say to rhyme "it" with "it", but the real rhyme is internal, namely "fight/tried". It's not uncommon for this to be the case.

Sorry if this wasn't very elaborate...

EDIT: I forgot to mention, though, I HATE the title. It's cliche as hell.
#4
Thanks for the feedback fellas, it's much appreciated.

Quote by 4jacks
It's got structure and flows well, I really like.

I really hope you get to finish that piece on a better note man! There is so much more to life than being owned by an addiction, but you can't see it till you break those addictions.


Oh believe me it's something I've dealt with my whole life. It's not something you can ever really just get rid of... it's always nagging at ya, if you catch my drift. Fortunately I'm not as bad off currently, as I was in the song... I tend to put a vice on an emotion when I write and squeeze everything out of it I can.

Quote by Ninjamonkey767
I'd change "tried that" to "tried it". Makes for teh better rhymes, methinks. But I do agree, the song has an excellent structure. And being triplets, that's saying something. Now, I did say to rhyme "it" with "it", but the real rhyme is internal, namely "fight/tried". It's not uncommon for this to be the case.

Sorry if this wasn't very elaborate...

EDIT: I forgot to mention, though, I HATE the title. It's cliche as hell.


I had originally had it end with "tried it" because that's just how it came out from the beginning, but I tried to steer away from reusing the word. I agree though, it does sound much better.

As for the title, the title is definitely subject to change. It had been untitled up until the second I posted it and I just wanted to give it a header for the boards.

One question I have is, do you think I should continue this song as one long verse, or should I try to squeeze it into a full-length with Chorus/Bridge? Again, thanks for the advice fellas.