#1
I don't usually post here, but I thought it would be interesting to get opinions on this. You can actually hear the song if you click on the link in my sig. C4C if you leave a link.

I don’t know where it is, the light you see in me that helps you find your way
If ever it was possible, I don’t think it’s still possible for me to keep

please, don’t waste your time on me
Because I won’t let this work
I can’t be your problem
When I don’t want to be fixed

And you found me today, burning the things I won’t say
And you said, this will, this will have to change
I’ll admit I don’t trust you, but maybe more than I trust me
And that could be somewhere to start

please, don’t waste your time on me
Because I won’t let this work
I can’t be your problem
When I don’t want to be fixed

See, I collect a little bit of everyone I’ve ever known
And I don’t think I have room for this, I think for once I want to feel alone
I think for once I want to feel alone
I think for once I want to feel alone
#2
I don’t know where it is, the light you see in me that helps you find your way
If ever it was possible, I don’t think it’s still possible for me to keep
this looks awful on the page.
break this into phrases, please?


please, don’t waste your time on me
Because I won’t let this work
I can’t be your problem
When I don’t want to be fixed
the third line here works,
but if there's an opportunity to do more
that's probably where it is
look for other, more clever ways
of getting this, or a similar thought, across.


And you found me today, burning the things I won’t say
And you said, this will, this will have to change
I’ll admit I don’t trust you, but maybe more than I trust me
this is a good thought, but convoluted.
try to make it more direct.

And that could be somewhere to start

please, don’t waste your time on me
Because I won’t let this work
I can’t be your problem
When I don’t want to be fixed

See, I collect a little bit of everyone I’ve ever known
And I don’t think I have room for this, I think for once I want to feel alone
I think for once I want to feel alone
I think for once I want to feel alone

this lacks impact
because there are no images
just the details of
an impossible relationship.
it starts and ends in the same place
that part isn't bad
but the fact that it didn't
go places in the process,
is.

there were never any possibilities.
whether realized or dismissed,
they could have added interest.
there were no events.
just an explanation
of why things can't be.

this is probably as well written
as it can be
when you leave all those doors unopened.


Quote by anOnyMouSanIe
C4C if you leave a link.
search.
or just give a bit of effort to anyone on the forum
when you see something worth your time.
Meadows
Quote by Jackal58
I release my inner liberal every morning when I take a shit.
Quote by SK8RDUDE411
I wont be like those jerks who dedicate their beliefs to logic and reaosn.