#1
This is my second song, its about a guy, who aint doing too well in life and him wishing he could start over again.
The drums stop for the first courus.
At the begining its quite slow, but the tempo goes up a little for the last section.


(Acoustic)

If my Life was Black And white.
Every day would be as black as night
Shining half heartedly in the shy,
Even the sun would want to say goodbye.

(Drums kick in)
I wonder if it could even see,
The heap of nothing that seems to me
To be not worth minuite of its time,
This pityful life that I call mine.

Chorus
To look ain't always the same as see,
To see ain't always to beleive.
If I could change anything right now,
I'd start all over, but I ask you how?

If my life was Black and white,
Every night I would recite.
A prayer that someday I would find,
A way to stop and then rewind.

And If it even did any good,
I'd still be lost and misunderstood,
'Cause In this sorry state of mind,
There is no way out, that can find.

Chorus
To look ain't always the same as see,
To see ain't always to beleive.
If I could change anything right now,
I'd start all over, but I ask you how?

(Heavy electric guitar)

I ask you how?(x4)

I ask how the **** can I escape?
Im losing the will to contemplate,
Any way to get back home.
When it seems Im walking all alone.


I ask how the **** can I escape? <(Overlain with screaming)
Im losing the will to contemplate,
Any way to save my soul.
When I am lost and all alone.

Chorus
To look ain't always the same as see,
To see ain't always to beleive.
If I could change anything right now,
I'd start all over, but I ask you how?

Fade down
Last edited by 7SlapsToTheFace at Jul 5, 2008,
#2
Quote by 7SlapsToTheFace
This is my second song, its about a guy, who aint doing too well in life and him wishing he could start over again.
The drums stop for the first courus.
At the begining its quite slow, but the tempo goes up a little for the last section.


(Acoustic)

If my Life was Black And white.
Every day would be as black as night
When the sun came up, it would think "**** this"
And then fall back into the abyss.

dont know how i feel about "fucck this" especially in an acoustic part. maybe something about the sun being reluctant to rise would be better. other then that good opening stanza, sets up the depression lol.

(Drums kick in)
I wonder if it could even see,
The heap of nothing that's ironicly me.
But if it could it wouldn't give a damn,
This pityful thing that now I am

pretty good, really dont like the use of the work ironicly, seems like you just tossed it in there cause it fit. not a bad stanza, but nothing great.

Chorus
To look ain't always the same as see,
To see ain't always to beleive.
If I could change anything right now,
I'd start all over, but I ask you how?

the second two lines are really good, the first two are iffy, i couldnt think of a better way to word them, its tough. i like the message tho, so it's fine. god chorus, catchy and gets the job done.

las
If my life was Black and white,
Every night I would recite.
A prayer that someday I would find,
A way to stop this and rewind.

little revision, think it flows better. this is my favorite stanza, nothing to say other then nice work.


And If that prayer did any good,
I'd still be lost and misunderstood,
'Cause In this sorry state of mind,
There is no way out, that can I find.

another good one, nothing to say other then the revisions. A+

Chorus
To look ain't always the same as see,
To see ain't always to beleive.
If I could change anything right now,
I'd start all over, but I ask you how?

(Heavy electric guitar)

I ask you how?(x4)

I ask how the **** can I escape?
Im losing the will to contemplate,
Any way to get back home.
When it seems Im walking all alone.

get rid of home, its a repete and doesnt need to be in there. other then that, solid. this is the heavy part right, cause i hear this being pretty harsh.


I ask how the **** can I escape? <(Overlain with screaming)
Im losing the will to contemplate,
Any way to save my soul.
When I am lost and all alone.

Chorus
To look ain't always the same as see,
To see ain't always to beleive.
If I could change anything right now,
I'd start all over, but I ask you how?

Fade down


on this page mine is called
Fame, Fortune, and neon lights. leave your word please and thanks you.
#3
Thanks!, I dont understand what you mean by "this is the heavy part right, cause i hear this being pretty harsh."
But what was your overall impression?
#5
i mean like where the tempo picks up, heavy.
overall impression is that it was very well writtin,
i like how you expanded the idea.
umm as for snowcaped, the one you commented on mine.
its metal, and if you wouldn't mind critting the one i asked.
its on this page, fame fortune and neon lights.
and maybe an opinion or a decent comment?
i gave you a full crit.
thanks man