#1
I'm working on something called Why Don't Drummers Know How to Bang Offstage and I'm looking for puns, jokes, plays on words about sex and music. It needs more sexual innuendo...

AND WHAT BETTER PLACE TO FIND THAT THAN UG? Don't let me down, don't make me feel like my five years of membership on this site were for naught Plus it might be fun to see what a website full of musicians can come up with.
Quote by metacarpi
I'd rather post a chat up line with an escape route in case it starts going wrong.

"Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?"

*girl looks unimpressed*

"Because it looks like you landed on your face."
Last edited by blu_flame34 at Jul 4, 2008,
#2
Lololo fingering A minor and plucking G strings.
Quote by Kensai
I know a good joke:

Women's rights.
Quote by Chubbychunks
I know a good joke:

Kensai's life.
#4
Quote by Erik_Aero
Guitarist have large egos Lololololol

good one?
Bands I've Seen:
Ozzy Osbourne
Rob Zombie
In This Moment
Age of Daze
Blue October
Inward Eye
Thornley
Billy Talent
Rise Against
Rancid
Anvil
Theory of a Deadman
Shinedown
Pop Evil
Blink 182
All-American Rejects
Fallout Boy
#7
yesterday i broke a G string while fingering A minor
Quote by H4T3BR33D3R
Get a boner and slap your school doctor in the face with your penis.

It'll be funny.


Haiku by of friend of mine:
Fat guy play the bass
Get your jam on, get your jam
And peanut butter


Live Fast, Die Fun
#11
Quote by thewho65
Bass players have bigger wood.


Haha I like that. I like The Who too See profile for acoustic cover of The Seeker.

I googled drummer puns: Before Al Gore was American Vice President - in fact, even before he became involved in politics - he spent some time as a drummer for a small band playing in local clubs. He was in fact quite a good drummer, and he developed quite a reputation for his impressive drum solos. Some of his routines were incredible for their mathematical precision. They became known as the Al-Gore-rhythms.
Quote by metacarpi
I'd rather post a chat up line with an escape route in case it starts going wrong.

"Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?"

*girl looks unimpressed*

"Because it looks like you landed on your face."
#13
How do you know that the stage is perfectly flat?


The drool runs from both sides of the drummers mouth.


Amidoinitrite?
1996 Fender American Telecaster
Schecter Omen 6
VOX AC-15
Alvarez PF2005
1985 PROCO RAT II
BOSS DS-1, DD3, SD-1, TU-3, NS-2
Danelectro Overdrive
Jimi Hendrix Wah
EHX LPB-1
MXR Supercomp
#14
^ no

What about the old double bass/cello stuff, large wood between your legs etc?




Quote by dogismycopilot
Absent Mind, words cant express how much i love you. Id bone you, oh yea.

Quote by lumberjack
Absent Mind is, as usual, completely correct.

Quote by littlemurph7976
Id like to make my love for Neil public knowledge as he is a beautiful man
#16
Quote by blu_flame34
Haha I like that. I like The Who too See profile for acoustic cover of The Seeker.

I googled drummer puns: Before Al Gore was American Vice President - in fact, even before he became involved in politics - he spent some time as a drummer for a small band playing in local clubs. He was in fact quite a good drummer, and he developed quite a reputation for his impressive drum solos. Some of his routines were incredible for their mathematical precision. They became known as the Al-Gore-rhythms.



That was so bad, it gave me cancer.
Quote by Ultraussie
I want to try that while playing the opening riff to "Tempting Time".

0-0-0-13-0-0-0-0-13 or something like that alalalala but It;s so heavy and off time and awesome and you could not f**k anyone to it.


Quote by Ingested
burzum IS nazi. well, varg is.
#17
I guess I'm the only one who liked the algorithms thing...the only other one I found was about a guitarist and a drummer who were really Baroque/broke, the guitarist knocked into a music store, took a lute and ran off. The drummer grabbed a drum and beat it.

No sexy puns though. I can't believe even Google failed me in my quest to shame drummers' sexual skill.
Quote by metacarpi
I'd rather post a chat up line with an escape route in case it starts going wrong.

"Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?"

*girl looks unimpressed*

"Because it looks like you landed on your face."
#20
Good guitarists know how to make it squeal.

^
He's laughing at YOU.
You better click that bastard.



Ibanez RG370DX
Peavey Valveking 112 (w/ Bad Monkey and GE-7 EQ)
#22
Quote by Erik_Aero
Guitarist have large egos Lololololol

Guitarists have large egos,and that's not all.
Quote by Jackal58
If I was Santa you'd all get shit for Christmas.
#23
Quote by Erik_Aero
Guitarist have large egos Lololololol

That's because we're just better humans than everyone else, it's not our fault.
#27
Quote by original=punk
Am I the only person who fell in love with that Al-gore-Rhythyms one?

That's was genius


I lolled for a good 10 minutes
Then I realized that I didn't actually know what Algorythms were, I had just heard it somewhere.
That killed the lulz


EDIT: Oh and one from Metalocalypse

What do you say to a bassist trying to hit on chicks?

Go be Inaudible like a bass guitar! lolololololololol
My Old Progressive Metal Band:
Acrasia
For fans of Between The Buried and Me, Dream Theater, Cynic.

My New Progressive Rock/Djent Band:
Wings Denied
For fans of Deftones, Tesseract, Periphery, Karnivool, Cynic.
#29
Quote by silhouettica
I lolled for a good 10 minutes
Then I realized that I didn't actually know what Algorythms were, I had just heard it somewhere.
That killed the lulz


yeah... me, too.
Quote by PlayMadness
"Look left >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Left, you idiot!"

Quote by neopowell
Well, girls make different pitched noises depending on where you touch them, so it's kind of similar.
#30
come on TS, don't fret over this.

i fail.
Quote by NGD1313
Well I don't know about solos but how about that Smoke on the Water riff. It's like...impossible.


THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE

I'm Jake. I'm a musician, philosopher, and exhibitionist.
#31
snippets:

legs loose, hands poised. boys--
there's a reason that they say
drummers just can't keep the beat offstage.

guitarists know how to finger good,
and the bassists have bigger wood.
guitarists strum, bassists hum,
the sexually frustrated drum


too much? it's supposed to be comedic and I don't know if it's working out.
Quote by metacarpi
I'd rather post a chat up line with an escape route in case it starts going wrong.

"Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?"

*girl looks unimpressed*

"Because it looks like you landed on your face."
#32
The drummer ripped the skin because he banged it too hard.
This has got to be the coolest sig you've ever read.


#34
Guitarists with Big Muffs.

...Jackhammer...
I like analogue Solid State amps that make no effort to be "tube-like", and I'm proud of it...

...A little too proud, to be honest.
#35
Quote by Taxi_06
I always seem to giggle when I talk about my g-string. Just saying.


+1
#36
Bass players may only have 4 strings, but they're longer and thicker than the guitarists'.
#38
I treat my women like I treat my basses...
I slap and pop that bitch.
(I don't actually play bass)