Poll: Singer Sirloin Steak Shivers
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View poll results: Singer Sirloin Steak Shivers
3 30%
Sea Breeze Green
7 70%
Voters: 10.
2 pts. 5 days.

The Revelation of the Condemned

Can you feel my pain, an aura that flows like a ghost
But you never cared, and you tried to destroy my soul
Into the soil again where I belong
In this silence, you ignored its meaningful song

Boxed in and paranoid, clustered and flustered nowhere to run or hide
I show my tears as the maggots begin God's work with their serrated shears
And a cry that's frightening, even to the Devil, himself, he confides
Blood paints the wood and dirt as the top begins to cave from weight
I gag as I struggle for air and begin to suffocate

It's quiet now and all I can think about are those who I affected
Was it a life well spent to earn my spot in heaven?
or was it worthless and meaningless that brimstone is all I'll taste?
"O' God give me light," I whisper with my final breath

I close my eyes and deliver my spirit
Hope this faith has brought my salvation
But I drift to Hell instead, for eternal damnation
no escape, I lift my hands to the red sky for redemption
as the skin melts from bone
And bone whithers away as ashes into the darkness
There is no forgiveness here
Just brought here to be left and forgotten
A place for the forsaken

Wine Glass Religion

Momma gathered us to the table
poured wine into our cups and called our attention.
We folded our hands as
she began to pray.

"Dear Lord:
Cleanse the earth of all that is unholy.
Remove the lips from unholy whores.
Rip the lungs from inner city filth;
those that haunt the bowels of the world,
that they might not curse you again.
Bring the niggers back to your loving bosom.
Show mercy on all those damned politicians who
rape the minds of the young and preach contrary to
your merciless love..."

"Mother, just stop."

Her eyes flared,
finally resting upon me
and burning into my cheeks.
I maintained eye contact,
took my wine in hand and
poured Jesus to the floor.
I voted green. Completely different styles, but blue hit a little closer to home for me, but green was more fluent for me and thus, more moving. Blue seemed to be hoping that vocabulary would win this, but for me, it was distracting. Bigger words show credibility as a writer, but are only good in certain doses. Green had a lot more quotables. I particularly liked "took my wine in hand and poured Jesus to the floor." It also had a touch of irony which was interesting. Both were exceptional pieces but green got my vote.
Nice piece
Vivamus mea Lesbia, atque amemus,
rumoresque senum seueriorum
omnes unius aestimemus assis!
Less than 24 hours

Vivamus mea Lesbia, atque amemus,
rumoresque senum seueriorum
omnes unius aestimemus assis!
This was actually a really difficult decision, but I voted blue. It felt like it had much more content, and - despite it's line length - it had an okay flow, which is all you could ask for when your lines are stuffed like a Thanksgiving turkey. Green felt like it was short on content. The only good line was "poured Jesus to the floor". It was essentially Prayer / Stop / Pour Jesus. I think Blue hit big with some phrases, and the massive line length left plenty of room for good word selection, which I did see. Green was anchored by a narrative concept, which made it difficult to work in much content.