#1
This is the third song I have written so far. Any and all comments are greatly appreciated. Thank You.

am i reading in the dark
or am i just too blind to see
oblivious to the news
the latest catastrophy

you're the bullet in the gun
the rose thorn in my side
if i just stop and blink
will everything be just fine

should i discard the letter
it's all one big lie
i'm just seeing what i want
this gin is a bit too dry

push it in, out
we're all magnetized
falling in, out
you're just full of lies

cos it's a stupid question
that needs no answer
this light is fading
and i'm not running after

your actions beg for reason
i'll wait here
through the changing seasons
forgiveness
is not what i ask for
just answers
those letters on your dashboard

should i discard the letter
it's all one big lie
i'm just seeing what i want
this gin is a bit too dry

push it in, out
we're all magnetized
falling in, out
you're just full of lies

cos it's a stupid question
that needs no answer
this light is fading
and i'm not running after..
after you
Last edited by JordanRRR at Jul 6, 2008,
#2
Man that was prtty damn good,i wish i could do that i personally loved it,it seemed to flow and go along smoothly
a little lost.....
#3
That was awsome! Do you have any more lyrics to post? In that case, i'm willing to comment them too
#4
It was great!

Third song you've written, or third song you're proud of? Cos that was really cool

I like the way the chorus is left hanging at first, then at the end you finish it, it sort of throws us a bit, but resolves the song.
#5
Thanks, I appreciate it Davo!

Remedy - thanks for reading. I actually wrote another song right after that one so maybe I'll post it today.

gabcd - Technically, it is probably my fifth song lol.. the first two songs I wrote just sounded too forced. It is seriously true though I mean for every song you write you will eventually get better. Practice makes perfect! Thanks for the comment and taking the time to read.
#6
It's nice, but there are just so many cliches in there. If you stumble open writing one down just think of all the different ways in which you could say the same thing but connect the idea with the reader more effectively than the same way they've read it again and again before. It'd bring much more depth to this. You have great ideas, just keep that in mind during the execution.
There's only one thing we can do to thwart the plot of these albino shape-shifting lizard BITCHES!