#1
Less than 12 months for me to get in
Seven more for separation to begin
I’ve heard, “fading endlessly is a sin”
Some days I miss you more than others

She says, “I wanna be 22, maybe older”
She believes in things, but she’s never sure
She wants to be happy cause that’s what’s best for her
I fell in love with that in between girl

When she remembers, she says she misses me
And every once in a while she won't be busy
So she’ll call and tell me stories about past weeks
Don’t forget about me so soon


i'll return the critiques.
#2
Couldn't help it, the idea for the last bit was too great...

When she remembers,
she'll remember that she misses me
And once in a while,
she'll remember that she's not too busy
So she'll call me and tell me
the stories of her past weeks,
while I hold on to the phone
screaming 'don't forget me'

I really want to nick that idea. Well done .
With some fixing up this could be top.
There's only one thing we can do to thwart the plot of these albino shape-shifting lizard BITCHES!
Last edited by DigUpHerBones at Jul 5, 2008,
#3
Yeah, it resonated with me - I like his idea ^^.

Not sure about line three and four, they seem a bit out of place :S
#6
it's short and blunt.
and it describes something going on in my life, that's why i like it.
it's not chock-full of silly similes or retarded metaphors, no ridiculous imagery that's unneeded and unnecessary.
way to go.
(crit current song, called into the east)

edit: i thought the comment made above, with the changes,
sounds way too emo.