#1
sitting outside next to the deck
picking wild strawberries
growing in a patch
that most likely got there from a rabbit's
defecation.
#2
The beginning is pleasant, but the line breakage turns a bit awkward in the last two lines. I also don't like the word defecation much due to the abruptness of the transition from pleasant to... well, poop. To solve this I would make the last line from a rabbit's defecation.
On the eight day we spoke back...

let there be sound.
#4
Quote by Billyjson
The beginning is pleasant, but the line breakage turns a bit awkward in the last two lines. I also don't like the word defecation much due to the abruptness of the transition from pleasant to... well, poop. To solve this I would make the last line from a rabbit's defecation.

That was most of the point, thanks though. I feel as if defecation was the most serious word to use (instead of ****, poop, or feces. Feces was up there, but I didn't like the length)
#5
I don't know if it was the intent or not, but I laughed really hard when I read this earlier...and it just so happens I laughed again when i re-read it.

I like the defecation usage. Throws off the flow.
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