#1
Another one of my creative blurps

Be Kind C4C

Angle With a Switchblade


You got the eyes that tell the story
I don’t know how I found you on the shelf
I’m so proud of myself
To have you all to myself

Yeah you’re an angle with a switchblade
Every man’s dream is to lay by your side
Yeah you’re an angle with a switchblade
And you’re mine

You cut me so deep, still I find
Myself thinking of you in my sleep
You’re an angle with a switchblade
You light my inner fire you’re my one desire

Yeah you’re an angle with a switchblade
Every man’s dream is to lay by your side
Yeah you’re an angle with a switchblade
And you’re mine

Id like to do coke off you blade
Think it would send me dancing threw the haze
And would have me spending days in rehab

~Solo Break~

Yeah you’re an angle with a switchblade
Every man’s dream is to lay by your side
Yeah you’re an angle with a switchblade
And you’re mine

~Solo Break~

End
This works for almost any situation....

Quote by PaulyVengeance
Punch it. Punch it until it goes away.
#2
do you mean, *angel* with a switchblade, or are you speaking of the geometric properties that are angles.
#4
Quote by Rock? Anyone
Another one of my creative blurps

Be Kind C4C

Angle With a Switchblade
Right off the top, I think you mean angel.

You got the eyes that tell the story
I don’t know how I found you on the shelf
I’m so proud of myself
To have you all to myself

myself is a little repetitive, but other than that it seems fine.

Yeah you’re an angle with a switchblade
Every man’s dream is to lay by your side
Yeah you’re an angle with a switchblade
And you’re mine

I'm liking the personifcation in this stanza.

You cut me so deep, still I find
Myself thinking of you in my sleep
You’re an angle with a switchblade
You light my inner fire you’re my one desire

I'd say try to get the last line out of there if possible, or re-work it. Sounds pretty cliche. I think that line is in the movie Grease even, haha.

Yeah you’re an angle with a switchblade
Every man’s dream is to lay by your side
Yeah you’re an angle with a switchblade
And you’re mine

Id like to do coke off you blade
Think it would send me dancing threw the haze
And would have me spending days in rehab

Lol, you lost me here, mate.

~Solo Break~

Yeah you’re an angle with a switchblade
Every man’s dream is to lay by your side
Yeah you’re an angle with a switchblade
And you’re mine

~Solo Break~

End


Could work pretty well with some reworking, depending on your style of music.
Some stuff I'd swap out. The entire song as a whole kind of hits me as off beat. Most of it is definately original, but just doesn't flow together 100%. Maybe its just because I keep reading angle =P.

But would like to see a revision for sure.
Gears;
Schecter Tempest Custom - Pearl
EMG 81/85
Digitech RP350
UX2 / Audition / Ableton
#5
Quote by Rock? Anyone
Another one of my creative blurps

Be Kind C4C

Angle With a Switchblade


You got the eyes that tell the story
I don’t know how I found you on the shelf
I’m so proud of myself
To have you all to myself

First, the title was what pulled me to read this. Very cool. Check your spelling, Angel not Angle. This was a good beggnining, but you could probaly find something better to rhyme "myself" with.


Yeah you’re an angle with a switchblade
Every man’s dream is to lay by your side
Yeah you’re an angle with a switchblade
And you’re mine

The only part about this is the "and you're mine" part. It is kind of cliche to me, and I didn't really care for it.

You cut me so deep, still I find
Myself thinking of you in my sleep
You’re an angle with a switchblade
You light my inner fire you’re my one desire

I liked this part, it was interesting. Again, I think the last line is a tad cliche, but it's still pretty good. The first and second lines didn't flow right, but that's just a minor issue and can be fixed pretty easy.


Yeah you’re an angle with a switchblade
Every man’s dream is to lay by your side
Yeah you’re an angle with a switchblade
And you’re mine

Same opinion....

Id like to do coke off you blade
Think it would send me dancing threw the haze
And would have me spending days in rehab

This verse really stood out at me. It made me smile. It's great because it's talking about drugs, but still is kind of romantic. Rad.

~Solo Break~

Yeah you’re an angle with a switchblade
Every man’s dream is to lay by your side
Yeah you’re an angle with a switchblade
And you’re mine

~Solo Break~

End

Overall:

I liked it, for the most part it had nice rhythm and flow, with the exception of that part of the 3rd stanza. I think it would make a nice rock song, which I'm guessing it is, but I could be wrong. I thought these were great lyrics, so keep writing!




Could you read my songs? In the sig.
#6
Please give the rules at the top of this forum the once over. Then tomorrow you have the option of reposting this.

Thanks
THW
Filth, pure filth... That's what you are.