#1
fools fight for their freedom, they need a stool, to reach the kingdom
win or lose, there is no draw, but with their blood they draw a line,
feel chills run down their spine, waiting for bread and wine.
hunger and thirst are satisfied, as the common man looks on teary-eyed,
and whispers "What have I become?", down below is his kingdom.

and a messenger spreads the news, as a soldier plays the blues,
ready for nothing but waiting for all, enjoying the view,
and he must make do, as he awaits his rescue.
as time passes, he loses hope, with ideas of survival he skips rope
says "be careful which path you choose", for his life is a lit fuse.

they cried and felt despair, while on the other side, trumpets blare
a child walks down a beaten path, curious of what remains,
he sees homes reduced to grains, nobody complains
he realizes everything that mattered, is now either gone or shattered
now he cries “it’s not fair”, as he runs his fingers through his hair.

from the blaze comes a poor savage, who surveys the war damage
sees the structures he had come to know, have crumbled to the ground
and all that he has found, is rubble all around
now he looks for somebody to blame, as he scurries back the way he came
howls “existence is a privilege”, as he looks at the wreckage

the general must stay put and be brave, with one foot in the grave
the other on thin ice, its his own fault he is assuming
threats of his life looming, seeds of hatred blooming
now he strides faster into the light, on an immaculate moonlit night
“forgive me my sins” let me be saved, and I shall be your slave

though barren in its’ works, on the faces of children evil lurks
innocent in its approach, it feeds off feelings of the weak
twisted tongue, hard to speak, now lives life as a freak
and waits for the sun to rise, but turns to darkness, and plotting your demise
though it may have its perks, there’s, no forgiveness for evil works
#5
Please except my apologies for not returning.

fools fight for their freedom, they need a stool, to reach the kingdom
Instantly, here, I'm put off by your use of odd punctuation.
I realise I'm far from a genius when it comes to accurate speech patterns, but I'm pretty sure something isn't right here. And even if it is the "correct" way of punctuating the sentence, the motion was awful because of it.

win or lose, there is no draw, but with their blood they draw a line,
It's nice to see that you are trying to stick to a repeating method, but it still doesn't make for fluid reading - which this piece needed, in my opinion. I also think the tenses in this are not quite straight. "but with their blood they draw a line" - it just lacks any form of fluidity.
feel chills run down their spine, waiting for bread and wine.
I'm not a fan of this entire segment really. The rhymes are clichéd and the structure is off-putting. Unfortunately, that is all I can really say that may help you. As alternatives, I am diffident.
hunger and thirst are satisfied, as the common man looks on teary-eyed,
and whispers "What have I become?", down below is his kingdom.
I like the ideas and the word usage here, but once again, the flow frustrates it.


and a messenger spreads the news, as a soldier plays the blues,
ready for nothing but waiting for all, enjoying the view,
and he must make do, as he awaits his rescue.
... far too many rhymes here. I don't quite see why you are rhyming so much when you are constantly obstructing the flow with your odd terminology, obscure line-breaks and slightly improper punctuation.?
as time passes, he loses hope, with ideas of survival he skips rope
says "be careful which path you choose", for his life is a lit fuse.
I am enjoying the quotation sections, but the "he skips rope" line was poor.


they cried and felt despair, while on the other side, trumpets blare
I really have no idea why you are breaking the lines like this.
a child walks down a beaten path, curious of what remains,
he sees homes reduced to grains, nobody complains
he realizes everything that mattered, is now either gone or shattered
now he cries “it’s not fair”, as he runs his fingers through his hair.
I like this. You abstained from many of the clichés that most people seem to live off (apart from when you quote the character by saying ""it's not fair"")

from the blaze comes a poor savage, who surveys the war damage
sees the structures he had come to know, have crumbled to the ground
and all that he has found, is rubble all around
now he looks for somebody to blame, as he scurries back the way he came
howls “existence is a privilege”, as he looks at the wreckage
Very nice.

the general must stay put and be brave, with one foot in the grave
the other on thin ice, its his own fault he is assuming
threats of his life looming, seeds of hatred blooming
now he strides faster into the light, on an immaculate moonlit night
“forgive me my sins” let me be saved, and I shall be your slave
I think you are missing a word in the quotation section. The flow was hindered again by your line breaks, but everything else was solid.

though barren in its’ works, on the faces of children evil lurks
innocent in its approach, it feeds off feelings of the weak
twisted tongue, hard to speak, now lives life as a freak
and waits for the sun to rise, but turns to darkness, and plotting your demise
though it may have its perks, there’s, no forgiveness for evil works
I like your bravery and adventurous style of writing, but I think you may of taken too much on.

You avoided many, many clichés, but I think you took too much on for your abilities – and I don't mean any offence by that.
I personally find that the best writers are the ones who know when enough is enough; the ones who can recognize what they are good at, and what they are not. It's not about ignoring your weaknesses, it's about bringing the focus of the reader away from those faults and guiding their mental-eyes on your merits.
Keep it up, mate.

Once again, I'm sorry for taking so long... a year to be precise!