#1
UHHHH.
Song I wrote a while back.

Kinda repetetive but whatever.
Vocals should fix that easy.

Don't be put off by the first riff if you aren't into that stuff, just give it a listen yeah?

Also, ignore the riff at the end I got bored.

Bitches, stop crying now Kay? ^_____^
And project asscakes is the name of the folder.

~Loki <3
Attachments:
PROJECT asscakes.zip
~ Please Crit One Of My Songs? ~
~_My_Song_Threads_~


Quote by IndieLee
The_Bass_Poet, I want your babies.
Last edited by The_Bass_Poet at Jul 7, 2008,
#2
The song's not attached.

Anyway. The piano at the start was great. I demand you teach me how to write stuff like that on a piano. It's just the kind of stuff I want to learn how to write.

The overall song - to me anyway - has a very hardcore feel to it, and by hardcore I mean Atreyu. Please don't flame me all you true hardcore fans, I simply call music by what it sounds like, and this sounds like Atreyu and as far as I'm aware Atreyu call themselves hardcore.

Anyway, sounded hardcore to me, and I don't really like hardcore. However, I'll do my best to give you a fair critique. The riffs were pretty good, the drums fit them well too. I liked the little soloy thingy at bar 35. Um, overall I don't really have much to say, just that I think it was reasonably well-written. Oh and I liked the ending riff.

Sorry my critique was bad. >_>
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#3
I thought the bassdrum following every single hit of the D was annoying. That aside, its good. Good job on the piano.
#4
Quote by MonsterOfRock
I thought the bassdrum following every single hit of the D was annoying. That aside, its good. Good job on the piano.

Yeah, I agree. Great rhythm, can't wait to hear what the lyrics are. Something about dogs perhaps?
#5
Thanks Skater901.
The piano stuff isn't so hard. I could probably help you with it if you want.

And yes, It's fairly "Hardcore", because it seems to be fairly popular these days.

And there wasn't anything really wrong with your crit.
Thankfully it wasn't just an "gret song 8/10" those tards are annoying

MonsterOfRock: For the most it did, yes. But not 'every' time
And if it works, it works. Thanks aswell

100%guitarmad; Dogs, you say?

~Loki <3
~ Please Crit One Of My Songs? ~
~_My_Song_Threads_~


Quote by IndieLee
The_Bass_Poet, I want your babies.
#6
Quote by The_Bass_Poet


100%guitarmad; Dogs, you say?

Yeah, I think it would really fit in with the hardcore verses
#7
Thanks Skater901.
The piano stuff isn't so hard. I could probably help you with it if you want.

And yes, It's fairly "Hardcore", because it seems to be fairly popular these days.

And there wasn't anything really wrong with your crit.
Thankfully it wasn't just an "gret song 8/10" those tards are annoying

Just like, give me some tips on how to write stuff like that, cause I've got no idea where to start.

As for hardcore being popular, well, not with me it isn't. And seriously, don't write music just cause it's 'popular'. Write the music you like.
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#9
Oh well, in that case go for it. Write what you like and to hell with what people think eh?
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#10
EEEEEEE.

LOVE
the start.

The riff that came in after the piano blended so well too. Amazing.

Although if vocals aren't going to be added on top of that riff, I think it lasts a bit long. I enjoyed the melodic stuff bars 35-38.

However, 39-42 sounded a bit to, I don't know how to word it. Although I know the sound you were aiming to get, I didn't you think you quite managed to pull it off.

The bars following remind me of Ocean Planet by Gojira, not sure if that's a good thing, but I think you keeped it going to long, and it just ended up being annoying.

Bar 53 onwards is good, but the transition wasn't to flash. 61-64 was a great way to go back to that opening riff, and it sounds even better later. The fact it took me a second to realise it was the same riff is also a plus in my opinion.

79 onwards was good, although 87-88 the chords (power) I think you should change. Something about going back to the A just annoyed me.

96, I was a bit eh, when it happened, but then you made up for it with a pretty good breakdown.

And what you did at 109, (yes I'm stopping it as I go) wow, amazing.

What you did with the clean guitar was great, and the rhythm and the distorted guitar doing arpeggioes whatever, was incredible.

And then I was sort of let down by the end, I was expecting something epic and got something stupid instead. Kind of like on Coheed & Cambrias 'Good Apollo, Volume 1' (not going to type the whole name) on the last song 'The Willing Well: The Final Cut' it has this mood, then the song finishes, you are left in silence... you hear a bass drum, 4 hits, and then out breaks the banjo.

But I will forgive you for that ending because the song was so great.
#11
...

Looks at wall of text. Sorry.

(I'm surprised my computer didn't freeze when posting it).

Edit: And none of it is really helpful either, it's all just praise.
#12
Ooh, at the start of bar 3 you've got an A and a B playing at the same time, that kinda put me on edge a bit, bar 11's got an A with a G# and that got me too... there's a few others about - but it's a wicked piano part all the same.
Personally, at about bar 25 I'd have taken the drums into half time, to beef up that first riff you use, which is also wicked. (Never heard a riff like that before, actually.)
I like that fill in bar 32. The riff that comes after it is not the sorta thing I'd usually listen to, but I quite liked it.
Bar 45 brings in a great rhythm, well done on that.
The tempo change at 53 is real smooth, I love the bassline under it, and the chords are good too, and the melody.
Bringing that first riff back works really well, and the fill into the next riff is pretty darn good. As for the next riff, IT'S AMAZING, that is a good riff.
The break/beatdown that comes afterwards... well, I'm liking the drums there, and bringing in all those other parts is verrry nice.
The bassline coming in like that, damn... that's a real good break from the song. Bar 126 is the best bar in the whole thing, if you asked me. (Which you kinda did, putting this up for crit an' all.)

But then... oh, that's it? I didn't like the ending, it upset me. I was expecting some glorious metal to come back in =( ...that's my only real beef with it. I don't even think it gets too repetetive, and usually if I hear a riff more than once it starts to piss me off. So well done. It'd get 9/10, if it had an ending.

Check out my stuff if you got the time? (It's in my sig )


Rob
#13
I do agree with the ending being somewhat of a letdown.
I guess i didn't think of anything great to put there

~Loki <3
~ Please Crit One Of My Songs? ~
~_My_Song_Threads_~


Quote by IndieLee
The_Bass_Poet, I want your babies.
#14
Everything about this song was epic man, the intro was beautiful. Riffs we're astounding.

The end was just not what I was looking for, Really need to change that up. haha.

8/10 without the outro.
6.7/ with the outro. just not... right outro for this song.