#1
Its a working title, i'm not sure i like it, any better suggestions?

You say yes and I say no,
you don't want to go with the flow,
you're going out with nowhere to go
and singing you hear out

Binge Drinking? I'm the binge drink king,
You're so busy you can't do anything,
Want to meet up? Just give me a ring,
we'll figure something out

I'm gonna lose my inhibitions
and turn this into an exhibition

Lose my senses, and lose my soul
it can't be a rock if it doesn't roll

Up all night, I sleep all day
don't tell me I'm wasting my life away,
I'm thankful for what I've got
I'm thankful for what I'm not

Lose my senses, and lose my soul
it can't be a rock if it doesn't roll

Where did the good times go
(this repeats and is overlapped by
I'm gonna lose my inhibitions
and turn this into an exhibition)

crit for crit
#2
Quote by yeoman125
Its a working title, i'm not sure i like it, any better suggestions?

You say yes and I say no,
you don't want to go with the flow,
you're going out with nowhere to go
you used both 'go' and 'going' in this line, I think you probably should change one of them.
and singing you hear out

Binge Drinking? I'm the binge drink king,
You're so busy you can't do anything,
Want to meet up? Just give me a ring,
I like this section, the two different ideas, comparing you to her.
we'll figure something out

I'm gonna lose my inhibitions
and turn this into an exhibition

Lose my senses, and lose my soul
it can't be a rock if it doesn't roll

Up all night, I sleep all day
don't tell me I'm wasting my life away,
I'm thankful for what I've got
I'm thankful for what I'm not
Those last two lines were pretty cool, I thought. The first two are a bit overused.

Lose my senses, and lose my soul
it can't be a rock if it doesn't roll

Where did the good times go
(this repeats and is overlapped by
I'm gonna lose my inhibitions
and turn this into an exhibition)

crit for crit


Do you have a melody or any guitar or anything for this, I'd like to hear how the finished product sounds.
#3
Quote by Skaliveson
Do you have a melody or any guitar or anything for this, I'd like to hear how the finished product sounds.


yeah, i just need some drums then i'll record it and thanks
#4
you're raping this with forced rhyme.
try putting your complete ideas down on paper; then morph them to your liking.
it's a good way to develop catchy one-liners and suitable flow.
There's a road that leads to the end of all suffering. You should take it.


- Jericho Caine


secret, aaaaagent maaan.
secret, aaaaagent maaan.