#1
Frozen to a cube of worthless dust
Our life slowly builds up rust
X marks the spot
When it blocks our sun
It'll leave us all dead
And we'll all regret how we lived our lives.


The sun aligns with the center of our Milky way
Bringing storms and ice
Ending our days
We take our lives for granted
but soon we all will die
Eternally cold and dark
We all shall mourn our blackened sky

Enjoy your final days
Make the most of what you can
Forget about preparing
You can’t prevent the end
Humanity as we know it
Will most likely not survive
Despite our intelligence
We’re stupid, we deny
But when this day comes
We’ll sit there and we’ll cry
With catastrophic storms, and bitter coldness
Our tears will freeze to ice.

Goodbye.
Last edited by Morbid_Angel_93 at Jul 7, 2008,
#2
Quote by Morbid_Angel_93
Frozen to a cube of worthless dust
Our life slowly builds up rust
X marks the spot
When it blocks our sun
Leaving us all dead
The Earth is done
i think a more creative last line would be better

The sun aligns with the center of our Milky way
Bringing storms and ice
Ending our days
We take our lives for granted
but soon we all will die
Eternally cold and dark
We all shall mourn our blackened sky
nothing bad but nothjing to special either

Enjoy your final days
Make the most of what you can
Forget about preparing
You can’t prevent the end
Humanity as we know it
Will most likely not survive
Despite our intelligence
We’re stupid, we deny
But when this day comes
We’ll sit there and we’ll cry
With catastrophic storms, and bitter coldness
Our tears will freeze to ice.
this was good you built up to a climax and keept it till the end

Goodbye.


overall good peice,
im not much of a metalfan but i did my best to crit it.
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Mr.Cuddles killed The Metal!!!! FUCK YES!

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Mr Cuddles pretty much nailed it...

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"Oh Mr.Cuddles, you make my pants go boom boom. I are horny. Do not disappoint I"


Viscara (my band)
#4
Quote by Morbid_Angel_93
Frozen to a cube of worthless dust
Our life slowly builds up rust
Very forced rhyme. Very very much.
X marks the spot
When it blocks our sun
It'll leave us all dead
And we'll all regret how we lived our lives.
Last line doesn't feel natural because of length.


The sun aligns with the center of our Milky way
Bringing storms and ice
Ending our days
The science here is a poor image.
We take our lives for granted
but soon we all will die
Eternally cold and dark
We all shall mourn our blackened sky
Cliche. "Sky" is often used when a person doesn't know what to say, so it's often associated with the clicheness.

Enjoy your final days
Make the most of what you can
Forget about preparing
You can’t prevent the end
Not bad.
Humanity as we know it
Will most likely not survive
"Most likely"? What the hell kinda metal note is that? You've gone through fifty feet of death, and you say chances are "pretty good" that you'll die. Where's the absolution?
Despite our intelligence
We’re stupid, we deny
Could have been delivered better, and expounded upon.
But when this day comes
We’ll sit there and we’ll cry
Bad. Just feels silly.
With catastrophic storms, and bitter coldness
Our tears will freeze to ice.

Goodbye.


Take it for what it's worth. Teh dethmetulz is not my genre.