#1
I guess this would be prog metal/technical metal/math metal (who the hell came up with the term math metal, I meant honestly?) and it sorta falls in all those daft genres...
...but with a lot of interludes, I crammed a fair bit in.

Oh... this piece now stand at just over 11 minutes long, so if you do crit, I'd be more than happy to crit AT LEAST two of your songs in return. (So you can pretty much take that as three crits for the price of one.)

...I've written some of the lyrics onto the GP tabs, to give you all an idea of where they come in, but I haven't written them all, yet.

This song is now finished, though.


Sknaht,

Rob

(P.S... in reference to the ending... the way it fades out is not how the song actually ends. The drummer sorta goes into overdrive at this point, and both guitars, and the bass, go off on an improv big meltdown sorta ending. Massive feedback and that. I'm not gonna try to tab that, sorry people.)
Attachments:
Legends of a Christ Reborn Zip.zip
Last edited by ealtdharkon at Jul 23, 2008,
#2
That was ****ing excellent.
I don't think anything needs changing or sounds out of place/wrong.

Sorry about this lame crit but it's 3:31 am.
Aha.

I think the Drums are kinda boring.
And that's it.
The only thing that really needs work.

The rest is great

~Loki <3
~ Please Crit One Of My Songs? ~
~_My_Song_Threads_~


Quote by IndieLee
The_Bass_Poet, I want your babies.
#3
Dude, that's more like progressive metal than death metal. xD Maybe progressive death metal?

At first I thought it was kinda weird, but as it went on it grew on me, and I think it's pretty cool. The drumming's really good in some places. Sorry for this bad review, it's 5:20 in the morning here. xD Definitely bed time for me I think.

Anyway good song.
sig goes here
#4
That sounds solid man but a little short. the guitars flowed well, and the drums were pretty good but a little too simplistic. Overall an 8/10
#5
This is really good. So simple yet so complex.

The stops, pauses and beat changes seem to always come at the right time. I thought the fact the drums were as sparse as they were really kind of added to the whole effect of the song.

I did think it hovered around the B a little too often, it could have changed a little more often, or the changes could have lasted just a tiny bit longer.

I hate the lyrics Partly because it's just so cliche, and partly because it's just not my cup of tea.

Did I mention how awesome it is rhythmically? I think so, but it needed to be said again.
#6
I thought it was awesome. I really liked the lyricas, but don't see where they would fit in...

Anyway, the ony thing I have to say it the
-------------------------
-------------------------
-------------------------
-------------------------
-2-2---2-2---2---2-2-
-0-0---0-0---0---0-0-

part got a little boring after a while, but I'm sure vocals would patch that up. The time sig changes were used well, they didn't seem out of place, and if I was just casually listening to this, I don't think I would notice.

Anyway, great job 8/10

Crit mine? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=892091
Quote by duncang
maybe it's because i secrely agree that tracedin inymballsackistheb best album ever


he's got the fire and the fury,
at his command
well you don't have to worry,
if you hold onto jesus' hand
#7
Great feedback, and I've tried to take most of it in.
The drums were kept simple mostly because I cannot drum, and have never been too good at writng for them. I've tried to get a bit more Portnoy-esque beats into the second half of it all.
I've changed a couple of the rhythms that I wasn't happy about, and made it much longer, with some actual riffs and key changes (which is a first for me, actually.)


As for the lyrics, that was just me goofing around. It's only called Legends of a Christ reborn 'cause that's the sort of thing death metal would do.

I shall admit to getting lost after bar 216, so I totally copped out. I dunno if I wanted the piece to end how it did, so feedback on that would be cool.

Yuppp... so, the tabs in my first post are now the most up to date version.

Cheers again,

Rob
Last edited by ealtdharkon at Jul 8, 2008,
#8
Heavy as ****, is all I have to say I can only imagine it with the lyrics. BTW very cool that you have lyrics at all.

+Favorite part out of the entire song was 46 to 48, very progressive sounding which I think you should do more of!!!
+Drums were top notch.
+Nice use of timing, it didnt seem like you just switched timing to make people think your complicated either, you know what your doing.

-Dissonance was nice, but after a while there was too much of it IMO.
-Solo, come on man all that work? You need an blazing balls to the wall solo in there. Then again, that might not be your thing.

Overall 8/10, awesome listen.

Crit mine if you can (different style but you'll appreciate nonetheless)
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=902057
#9
Like I said before, I really wasn't happy with the ending to this... so I've had another fiddle around, and I don't have an ending anymore, but I've got my next section.

I've changed the riff that comes in after the clean section (see bar 175) but that still goes into the sorta chuggy riff... and it's much the same until bar 223, where the new section is plastered on.

Of course, now I'm nowhere near ending this, and it's getting kinda long...

I've stuck the most recent tab into my first post, and deleted the older tabs, easy peasy.

Cheers guys,

Rob

___

Edit: I've also thrown a word document into the .zip, as a couple of people showed an interest in the lyrics. Oh, and I've marked out the guitar pro files, with little notes saying some of the words, to give you a basic idea what comes in where, as some of you seemed to wonder where on earth the words would go.

Also, it is still not finished, helllp...
...yeah, and please do point out anything that's wrong with it, I wanna get this tip top.

Wicked.
Last edited by ealtdharkon at Jul 9, 2008,
#10
I really liked the bass in this song, and the chorus was pretty awesome.
The interludes were pretty cool
Over all it sounded like an epic hardcore song to me. like 10/10
Gallien Krueger is awesome
#11
I love the lyrics.

The song is good overall.

But I feel there is a little too much dissonance, it takes away the effectiveness of the dissonance.

If you were to intersperse the dissonance within realms of consonant guitar parts it would make both types of riffs more effective.

The song needs a solo, it is just begging for one in that middle clean section.

Now don't take this as a snarky gesture, I think mybe we both have different musical and tempo feels, but I honestly feel that alot of this song is too slow for its own good. Maybe if instead of making the entire song 180, you made the intro 200, and then moved the tempo's around as you moved through it, because by the end of the song I feel that it is dragging a little.

Change in tempo's would create a sense of excitement, and distinguish between all aspects of the song.

I love the time signature changes, as you could probably tell, I love time signature changes. But the drumming in some parts, as has been said, is very unexciting and somewhat compromises the power of some sections.

The chorus would sound great, if instead of both guitars playing the same part, one guitar played an arpeggiated melody of some kind.

Overall, pretty good.
8/10
Last edited by LucasGtrGod at Jul 9, 2008,
#12
Thanks for the crit on my song.

This certainly has changed since I last listened to it.

The first 9 bars are just odd. It almost seem like more of a breakdown than an intro. I didn't dislike it exactly, but I didn't really think it added anything either.

I like the first verse, but it almost feels like that's the intro, and the chorus is really the verse. I gotta say I really love what you're doing with the bass in the chorus part.

I really like what's going on from bars 33-52, especially that little fill in 37, and the interlude near the end. The only negative here is that I feel that there's just too much tension that doesn't resolve. It doesn't really build up either, it's just kind of equally present through most of it.

The third verse seems unusually long. Like, 3 or 4 times longer than the first two.

I love the whole 9/8 groove thing you've got going, it's a little hard to follow, but it's really cool. Kind of Dreamtheaterish actually.

I don't like the dissonant part much, it's just too long, again it doesn't resolve very well. Having it followed very closely by the clean interlude, which is also very dark sounding just makes that whole section difficult to listen to. I do however really like the bass lead thing you've got going.

I like what I'm hearing through verses 5-7.

The 6th interlude is also cool except for that damned D, D# thing. Why? I ask, why?!

The melody that starts at 231 is just awesome.

Interlude 7 part 2 is probably my favorite part of the entire thing.

Overall:

I liked the use off bass throughout most of the song, the drums were also consistently good.

I liked a lot of your rhythmic ideas, and your great use of time changes.

The real negative to this piece is there's just too much dissonance, and it's an ever present thing. It never really lets up, it never really builds up, it's just present. Sometimes it's resolved, or sometimes it just goes away. I really think you could do away with a lot of it, and actually make the dark feel of the song even stronger.

It's also very long, and suffers in GP format because the lyrics are omitted. It'd be really interesting to hear it as a recorded piece.

If you get a chance, feel free to check out the other two songs in my sig, although preferably the Melorock one since it's much farther along, and it's not getting any comments.
#13
Its late here, but on first listen that was awesome, it sounded like a blend between alot of my favourite bands like Ion Dissonance, The Dillinger Escape Plane, BTBAM and more, ill be back tomorrow to give it a detailed crit after i give it a better listen.
#15
That was amazing man. I clicked on this song expecting to hear some generic retarded metal shiite. But this was truly well put together.

-Only part I didn't think was very good was the first clean break, it felt very melodically weak compared to the rest of the song.
+ I got chills at the 3rd chorus, that was a very well done buildup.
+ I the rhythmic aspects of this song are incredible.
- the lyrics were kinda generic imo, but im not great at writting so i shouldn't be critting those.

I think the ending should either fade out on that groove, or stop in a VERY awkward place for shock, like the ending of Pull Me Under by Dream Theater (Yeah, I can't stand 98% of that song, but the ending is pretty brilliant).

Keep it up man!
#16
Great song! Everything flows real well except for that one instrumental part that just comes out of nowhere (with the keyboard) but I imagine in a recorded version that would be one of the coolest parts. I didn't really like the verses too much, some of the later ones were cool. The chorus was a great riff, I could imagine some growling and singing (Not in the gay metalcore way though) in it. I doubt you can play that last bar or so of your choruses, that dissonant one. It's just too fast and too much of a stretch. The first clean interlude kind of came out of nowhere. I really liked the lyrics (Well not what they were talking about) but the metaphors and the way you used everything was great. One thing I think would make the 9/8 section flow better would be drums in 9/8 time, they aren't too difficult to make, but then again what you have may be what you are going for and you can only really tell in a recording. Every lead section sounded great. The very last verse sounds redundant and the last chorus doesn't seem epic enough.

Great song.
#17
Quote by bloodshed344
Great song! Everything flows real well except for that one instrumental part that just comes out of nowhere (with the keyboard) but I imagine in a recorded version that would be one of the coolest parts. I didn't really like the verses too much, some of the later ones were cool. The chorus was a great riff, I could imagine some growling and singing (Not in the gay metalcore way though) in it. I doubt you can play that last bar or so of your choruses, that dissonant one. It's just too fast and too much of a stretch. The first clean interlude kind of came out of nowhere. I really liked the lyrics (Well not what they were talking about) but the metaphors and the way you used everything was great. One thing I think would make the 9/8 section flow better would be drums in 9/8 time, they aren't too difficult to make, but then again what you have may be what you are going for and you can only really tell in a recording. Every lead section sounded great. The very last verse sounds redundant and the last chorus doesn't seem epic enough.

Great song.


I liked the 9/8 riff with 4/4 drums, personally... I felt that gave it a more liquidy feel, as opposed to a proper 9/8 one.

As for way too fast, and a stretch... the guitarist I got lined up for this, is a nutter.
It can be done.
Or not...
...I'm sure the song will undergo a few changes when it's brought to the stage.

Sorry about the last chorus, but it IS followed by an epic (and impossible to tab) outro.

As for the keyboard, that's not meant to flow - it's just me being daft.
I wrote that sitting at an old school electric organ, and just had to have it in.

Great crit, by the way - I dig your style.

...I think I've checked out most of your stuff by now?
#19
Wow... you weren't kidding when you said that was long. It was good though, nothing was too repetitive, kept my attention. Although those 10/13's on the B and G strings kinda gave me a headache by the end of the song If I were you I'd do a little more in the fading outro though. Like the chorus riff fading out or something. It just seems too bland with the symbol crashes. But that's just me.

Here's mine if you wanna crit them. I'd appreciate it. (There's 2 links, but 3 songs in total)
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=912362
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=909868
--[img]http://i222.photobucket.com/albums/dd320/SquallLeonhart8/ESPEX50TestamentPracticeAlbumCustom.jpg[/img]--
Testament Practice What You Preach Edition ESP Explorer by me.
What do you think? PM me
#20
the individual parts themselves are absoloutely incredible. the way you've put them together could do with some work. there needs to be more "going back to an idea from earlier", other than just the repetition of the choruses and verses at the end.

You need to surprise the listener by mixing new things they havnt heard before and old things that they'll recognise. if you changed the structure around a bit, this would be a progressive metal MASTERPIECE.
Quote by mr.happyman
so she took off my pants and was gonna give me dome (head). fukk yeah, free dome (head) (i'm used to hiring prostitutes).as she inched her head closer to my pen0r, she pulled her hand outta nowhere and sandpapered my mini mr.happyman!
#21
the intro was awesome although everytime you play that 3636 then the minor seconds away up the neck. thats unplayable man.loved the little instrumental part with the good use of time sigs. smoothly done.

the chorus is catchy, and even tho the bit at the end of it is a bit jarring, it works.i love the 9/8 part with teh 4/4 drums it gives a very nice feel to it. the section at 108 was great. and it comes in nicely to the lead line.

i like the way you arent afraid to put alot of core type stuff into this. i.e **** loads of chuggah chuggah and breakdowns. love it.

i found the clean bit disappointing tbh. the use of the time sigs, worked badly tbh.and i know the lead was supposed to be dissonant but it just seemed completely random. where as a nice jazz solo with a few chromatic runs thrown in wouldve worked so much better,

love section from 175 can imagine it being awesome on a recording. and way more crushing. from 204 was also awesome. a bit tech death influenced kinda stuff. and from 223 was great. wasnt expecting that kind of a riff, and it worked great. the way it merged into the next clean part and then into the chorus. that was best transition throughout the song. great vision.

the section from 209 blew me away tho. best section in the song imo. can imagine it being an unreal vocal climax busting into the solo.

didnt like the 333 organ kinda section, just seemed thrown in there 'to be prog' but it served no purpose.

loved the beatdown II . very breakcore style stuff, sounded very ion dissonance in the next section which i loved im assuming youve heard them

didnt like the transition from 386 to the chorus, just seemed ignored and you just didnt bother thinking out one.

but yeah overall this song owns babies in the face and i want to hear a final recording with vocals of this

#22
ch715dallat, I probably should have pointed out I'm not much of a guitarist myself, so a lot of the guitar tab could be wrong... bad hand positions and what-not.

loved the beatdown II . very breakcore style stuff, sounded very ion dissonance in the next section which i loved im assuming youve heard them


...no, I never have. The first time I even heard their name was only when I wrote this song!

didnt like the transition from 386 to the chorus, just seemed ignored and you just didnt bother thinking out one.


I ran the piece by my guitarist the other day, and that was an area we discussed actually.
...I made a decision to kick that whole section, and just go straight to the repeat of verse 1 into the last two choruses.

As for the organ part, that does kinda stick out as a "just because" section, but there was a musical reason behind it. I could not get the solos before the organ part to flow well into the next verse, at all... it was really getting to me.
...anyway, I was jamming around on my dad's old rock organ, and wrote that 25/16 part and rather liked it - and told myself I had to work it into this song.
...and it made the connection between the solo and verse in a way that I thought, kinda worked.


To everyone: it's been really interesting to see how some of you have liked the whole piece, and others of you have had issues to raise - and it's been interesting to see who disliked which parts. All in all, you guys have helped me to shape this piece to as perfect as I can personally get it, so thanks. Anyone who reads this, and has already crit on this song, gets another free crit, fo' sho'!

(But you gotta ask for it, of course... I ain't no psychic foo'!)

Rob
Last edited by ealtdharkon at Jul 23, 2008,
#23
ealtdharkon, your profile says you were born in 1999, which would make you 8 or 9 years old... i find that hard to believe
Quote by mr.happyman
so she took off my pants and was gonna give me dome (head). fukk yeah, free dome (head) (i'm used to hiring prostitutes).as she inched her head closer to my pen0r, she pulled her hand outta nowhere and sandpapered my mini mr.happyman!
#24
Quote by ealtdharkon
ch715dallat, I probably should have pointed out I'm not much of a guitarist myself, so a lot of the guitar tab could be wrong... bad hand positions and what-not.

...no, I never have. The first time I even heard their name was only when I wrote this song!


Rob



you sir need to get on your bike and listen to some ion dissonance, probably their newest album minus the herd. and also maybe some despised icon

also you wrote all this in guitar pro without coming up with it on guitar first? mmkay. thats usually a sure fire way to end up with some unplayable parts.

although if you have 2 guitarists that part could work. just have one play the low part and the other play the high minor 2nd chords
#26
Ion Dissonance ARE rather good, can't say I'm a fan of the vocalist though...

Quote by ch715dallat
also you wrote all this in guitar pro without coming up with it on guitar first? mmkay. thats usually a sure fire way to end up with some unplayable parts.


...actually no, I wrote almost all of it on guitar. The intro bass was written on a guitar, and I thought it might work as a bassline, so I tabbed it out, then threw some guitar over in on pro... which is how I can the bar that is probably impossible.

Almost all of the rest of it, I wrote on guitar, except for about three riffs, and a couple of variations on riffs I did write on guitar.

...although I confess to writing the solos on guitar pro...

___

Edit: ...my guitarist just rang me, and I raised the issue of the "unplayable bar".
He said he's had to change it slight, to play the same high notes, but on the b and e string, as oppose to the g and b - thus rendering it difficult, but possible.

Cheers everyone for picking me up on stuff anyway, it'd suck if I made a serious tab mistake.
Last edited by ealtdharkon at Jul 23, 2008,
#27
still think my way of playing it with 2 guitars would be alot simpler and a cool trade off effect too

plus ion dissonance's vocalist is awesome > lol
#28
Quote by ch715dallat
still think my way of playing it with 2 guitars would be alot simpler and a cool trade off effect too

plus ion dissonance's vocalist is awesome > lol


...well, we might just end up doing that... I'll let you know when we get some recordings down.

I really didn't like their vocalist, it was kinda the same style as old Trivium (and a load of other bands yeah, they're the only one I really know the name) and I just... don't like the style. He does it well, it's just not my thing.

You got anything you'd like me to crit mate?

Rob
#31
There's not much I can think of to say other than it was too *insert subgenre*core-ish for me. The part I'm really jealous of is Instrumental Verse 3. My jaw kind of dropped from the power of those chugs. Sorry it's not much of a crit, I know you deserve better from the last one you gave me, but it's 3:30 am and I just woke up to your crit on my thread and I decided to attempt this before bed.

Wow, I just realised that I could have used the time I used writing this to crit ur song. Sorry man, off to bed.
#32
^ way to be a tool, and since when has a song being from a xcore genre been a downside, unless you think what other people on the metal forum think of you and that you might not be 'true'

#33
Your intro is sweet, very bass-heavy.

Like the dissonant guitar riff, and the chug behind it.

I like the odd riffs at verse II, really cool.

The 9/8 groove is soo good! The drums really compliment the beginning, I've never heard 9/8 drums flow/groove so well! great job!

Woooah dissonant clean riff after the sweet instrumental breakdown. I like it that you didn't make that breakdown long, it was really good. The right amount of time.

I'm liking this clean dissonant riff. Primus-esque solo. I love it. Larry LaLonde is a really underestimated guitarist. Soloing over Claypool takes TALENT. I love the sound of the solo.

Instrumental Interlude V is pretty amazing. All your beats are pretty good, compliment all the time signatures.

The Instrumental Interlude VI build-up (I-II) is good, I might switch some things around, but you did a pretty good job leading into the instrumental interlude VI pt. III, which is one of the most harmonic things i've ever heard. Really well done.

Instrumental Interlude VII pt. II was really great. Chug + Great clean arpeggios is just awesome, man. This is a really good part of this song.

Holy crap, verse X RULES. The solo in it I would change around a couple notes, but the background is just so good. And the beginning is just flawless.

25/16 flowed really well. *looks at what he just typed* ... No seriously, lol, it did. It doesn't sound like a 25/16 time signature, flows really good.

Some really creative strumming patterns in Verse XII, I can tell alot of thought went into this, really well done.

Wow overall, I'd give this song a 9.5/10, and only not a 10/10 because some of the solos sounded a bit generic-y to me, but everything was so well put together, man. Keep it up, I loved this song, all 11 minutes.
4/4 is just so boring. <_<
#34
Well I liked the beggining. Except I don't think bar 7 can possibly be played on a guitar.

Ok, bar 13 bothers me. Did you really have to hold the minor 2nd? lol.

I love the chorus progression. Actually I just love the chorus in general.

Loved the instrumental interude. But I think you should've expanded more on that standard rock beat that you introduced halfway through bar 50. That was cool.

The chugging for the verse gets really monotonous. It's the same two 8th notes over and over again. I suppose it would be better with vocals though.

I think you're overusing those minor seconds at 126 lol.

You should've expanded on that riff in 138. It was generic, but very nice.

I do not like the bass at 146 AT ALL. Seriously, it just sounds out of key and bad, imo. Same with the lead at 158.

Verse V and VI is my favorite part of the song so far. Well done.

Woah, verse VII is pretty sweet too.

The jazz guitar at 231 sounds out of place. It's sounds cool though.

Wow, 261 is stunning. Even the distortion guitar at 291 is beautiful.

I thought the solos were pretty lackluster. You should add some more fast licks in there to spice it up a bit.

I think the song could've survived without bar 33. Honestly, I think ANYTHING would've fit better than that lol.

I love how everything just stops for the beatdown.

The solo at 361 is better. But you can use something other than triplets, you know.

Wasn't a huge fan of the ending.

All in all that was a pretty solid piece. Some parts were a lot better than others though. I guess it's just my musical preference. I'll give it an 8.5/10.

Crit mine? It's in the bottom of my sig. It's pretty long, so I won't make you crit anything else lol.

Please excuse all the typos that I'm sure this post is riddled with.
I'm a person.
#35
hell its not my style but i'll crit it for you. i really like the walking bass under the chorus 1.
nice scales there, after the pt 2 chorus. then good headbangin part \o/

i really like the chorus, its great.
the lead guitar part is great, but before it, in the interlude, i think theres too much scale. way too much in the whole song., i say.

guitar 1 lead.. is absolutely not good for me.. sry but i dont like mathcore or whatever is this :P
then the buildup is good.. the solo is really good. i like it. the breakdown after it is a bit odd, i'd say.. or out of time. just dont fit for me.

sry i cant write as long crit as you wrote but let the numbers speak instead of me .D

7/10

nice and thanx for the crit