#1
You ask me 'bout the new,
I say that I don't have a clue.
You ask for my opinion too,
but I don't wanna tell you.

Just send me a postcard,
from wherever you are.
I promise I'll write back to you,
when my hand can feel my heart.

Don't make me choose,
Don't make me choose.
I just want to make you happy,
but it's too soon to lose.

You ask me what I'm gonna do,
I say I really don't know.
You say you better make a move,
but I don't want to go.

Why don't you just call for me,
while you're away at work.
I promise I'll call back for you,
when my mind can find the words.

Don't make me choose,
Don't make me choose.
I just want to make you happy,
but it's too late to move.

I don't know why you can't see,
that I don't want to choose.
Why don't you undecide with me,
What is there left to lose.

Don't make me choose,
Don't make me choose.
I just want to make you happy,
but I don't want to choose.
Last edited by Krispy_chicken at Jul 8, 2008,
#2
Quote by Krispy_chicken
You ask me 'bout the new,
I say that I don't have a clue.
You ask for my opinion too,
but I don't wanna tell you.

I like how the main character is avoiding confrontation.

Just send me a postcard,
from wherever you are.
I promise I'll write back to you,
when my hand can feel my heart.

I love the last two lines in this stanza. Good stuff.

Don't make me choose,
Don't make me choose.
I just want to make you happy,
but it's too soon to lose.

I don't really feel the chorus on this, mate.

You ask me what I'm gonna do,
I say I really don't know.
You say you better make a move,
but I don't want to go.

Again, avoiding confrontation. I like how the character is stuck in the middle. Doesn't want any change.

Why don't you just call for me,
while you're away at work.
I promise I'll call back for you,
when my mind can find the words.

Again, the final two lines nail it.

Don't make me choose,
Don't make me choose.
I just want to make you happy,
but it's too late to move.

I don't know why you can't see,
that I don't want to choose.
Why don't you un-decide with me,
What is there left to lose.

I'm sure you know, but the un-decide kills this stanza. Definate canidate for the first stanza to rewrite.

Don't make me choose,
Don't make me choose.
I just want to make you happy,
but I don't want to choose.



I like it mate, it tells a great story that I think alot of folks can relate to. It can use some definate reworking, but I think after some revision, this thing could be gold.
Gears;
Schecter Tempest Custom - Pearl
EMG 81/85
Digitech RP350
UX2 / Audition / Ableton
#3
Quote by Krispy_chicken
You ask me 'bout the new,
I say that I don't have a clue.
You ask for my opinion too,
but I don't wanna tell you.
I like how, in the second line, you use "I say", and in the fourth you say how they actually feel.

Just send me a postcard,
from wherever you are.
I promise I'll write back to you,
when my hand can feel my heart.
I like the idea in the last two lines, but this doesn't really make sense when combined with the last section. The same emotions aren't really present, and suddenly the characters are apart, when the first section made it seem like they were together.

Don't make me choose,
Don't make me choose.
I just want to make you happy,
but it's too soon to lose.

You ask me what I'm gonna do,
I say I really don't know.
You say you better make a move,
but I don't want to go.

Why don't you just call for me,
while you're away at work.
I promise I'll call back for you,
when my mind can find the words.
You did a great job mirroring these two verses after the first two, using similar structure and ideas in different ways.

Don't make me choose,
Don't make me choose.
I just want to make you happy,
but it's too late to move.

I don't know why you can't see,
that I don't want to choose.
Why don't you un-decide with me,
Un-decide? Not sure how I feel about this. It is clever, but seems a bit strange.
What is there left to lose.

Don't make me choose,
Don't make me choose.
I just want to make you happy,
but I don't want to choose.


Overall, i like this piece, there is not really any wow factor in it, but the lyrics are pretty solid in any case.
#4
I know, the chorus is a bit weak, I just needed something quick, I wrote this about two nights ago, and haven't looked at it much since, and I wasn't going so much for wow, as much as, I know that feeling. Thank you a lot, I plan to revise some things. also, the characters are apart the whole time, emotionally at least... the first verse is a little confusing, but if fits. I just wanted to make it seem like he was alone.As for un-decide, I want to keep it, although that hyphen really seems to throw it off, I like it better... As for the chorus, I don't have a clue as what to change it to...