#1
This is a work in progress.

Have finished the end of the second verse and am about to lead into the the first chorus, bridge piece and solo.

About 5 more minutes left to write, but just wanted to know what people thought before I continued.

PS, best listened to with headphones.

Crit 4 Crit of course.

Unfinished.
Attachments:
Disciples of the Archaic.zip
Last edited by LucasGtrGod at Jul 13, 2008,
#2
some parts of it seemed a bit messy and didn't sound very good, some good riffs though.
#3
Didn't care for the first part much. It does drastically improve once you get to bar 15, however there's nothing really that draws me into the song until bar 56.

The riff at that point is really cool. It doesn't flow quite as well as it could, and I think that's got a lot to do with all the time signature changes, but either way I liked it and it's a real attention grabber.

The octave thing sounded a bit cluttered, it might benefit from being spaced out a little more or something. I liked the idea behind it.

Some of the fills you threw in here or there were also quite cool.

I liked what you were doing with the bass for the most part, although there were times when it wasn't working.

The drums were good for the main riff part, but I didn't really care for them otherwise.

You've got some good ideas here, but as a whole it's a little messy and cluttered. I could see this turning into something pretty good after some polish and refinement.
#4
I.... honestly don't know what to say, so I'll try and be as honest as I can. I apologise in advance if it sounds brutal or harsh.

It's a veratible mess of decent ideas cluttered together.

There are some great riffs, such as the one at bar 56, and there are some parts that need some major refinement. Like the intro.

The drums pissed me off. Too all over the place. There is a time for crazy fills and tom rolls, and EVERY FREAKIN' BAR is not it.

The 3 guitar thing ends up sounding really unnecessary half the time. I ended up muting guitar 2 and listening to it like that and it sounded about 3 times better.

All in all, I don't feel the song goes anywhere. It kinda, starts, runs along, keeps running, changes feel, runs, runs, ohshi-it's over.....

Sorry man. There ARE some great SECTIONS and the entire thing doesn't feel "forced" like most off-time songs do, but it doesn't add up in the end to me.
#5
This music is completely all over the fucking place.

And, I like it. Overall, blending the melodic guitar bits with the crazy drum attacks was nice, even if it did start to get old. The riffs and acoustic bits were nice as well. Overall, a very good way to begin a song...

Albeit, some parts are a bit clanky, it still sounds great to my ears.
R.I.P. Charles Michael "Evil Chuck" Schuldiner
B. May 13 1967 - D. December 13 2001

Quote by eggsandham2
cuz ppl hate how power metal they are cuz they think its "gay" or w.e, which is immature and dirogitory
#6
the song seems to be way too complicated and you must have a really talented band to play this song.
GEAR

Ibanez sr506
Yamaha RBX170
Squier strat...
Hughes&Kettner Basskick BK300

Quote by ChemicalFire
Where's my lynching bat?
#7
Quote by Han0s
the song seems to be way too complicated and you must have a really talented band to play this song.


Hardly a bad thing.

I thought the time sig changes worked very well, didn't feel too crazy and was genrally listenable.

I didn't care much for the lead part though. It seemed unecessary.

Also the bit with lots of modulation sounded very good.
Quote by ChemicalFire
The point of underground bands is their not popular or famous most of the time. Thus there is a good chance they suck.
#8
To Magero the song probably feels like it doesn't go anywhere because it is less than half finished, and the craziness of the intro sections will make sense in the long run because it is setting up the motifs that will be explored deeper in the bridge section.

The reason for the lead line over the 7/8 section was to replay one of the original themes, but in a new key signature in order to orient the listener to the next key change.

And the over complicatedness, well that's what I like to listen to, so that's why it is as over the top as it is.
#9
Well... I did say I'd crit another one of yours if you gave mine a look over, so...
...hell, I'll give you the bar by bar special!

I like the grouping in that lead line, 5, 5, 5, and a 4, right? (5, 5, 5, 6 on the 21/16, I do believe.)
Yeah, I guess you've gotta have an ear for this kinda thing. There's a lot of dodgy time sig tunes that I have to listen to a fair few times to get. This one seemed to flow to me, which is the main reason I love a good time signiture. It doesn't plod like a 4/4 does, it swims.

The two other guitars and the bass (and drum) rhythm really bigs the piece up suspense wise... and the triplets at the end of bar 6 are soo well placed, and I love bar 8s' drum fill. Also, you gotta win a prize for one of the massivest A5 chords ever, it just slams it all straight back into the action.

The next six bars are just beautiful chaos, flying up and up, soaring down again... never quite reaching that peak until... bar 15. Bam. Massive epic time... a nice bouncy bass line, big leads, solid rhythm section. The odd strange note, but I suppose that's so be expected from you, and then woo, the clean section, then slam, a wonderful riff.
(Great bass, by the way.)

You've written the riff that every metal/mathcore band wished they'd written.
So they could stop sucking.

But to hell with them, 'cause you've got the riff... and what's more, you're about to top it. As bar 52 rolls in, they look up from behind their fringes, horror on their face... as you unleash the beast. The opening THUNK to bar 54 smacks them bitches oops upside their heads... and bar 55s' triplets do not help them in their dizzy state.

It helps your song be awesome though!
The end of bar fills in this riff are SUPERB!

Now bar 60, I like even more. Three triplets, then a nice big note.
Or as it's known in the trade... dun dun dun DAH!!! ...I love that musical special move, as it were.

The next riff, from bar 61... well, that's just milking it a bit... still a good riff, just not as good as the original. Having bar 64 repeat in bar 65 is genius though.

I obviously adore bar 66.

This next sequence goes really well, and it goes very nicely back into that riff again.
Magical octave sequence again... then a variation on it. Epic leads, again.

...then I guess you stopped writing? To me... this is about to go mad clean finger picking, to the point of an audio cascade. I could be wrong.

But it'll be epic.

No real faults, 10/10.

If you do any more work on this, be sure to let me know.

Ye' can have a free crit for it, it's that good =)


Rob
#10
Wow, that's like the best, and most thorough review I have ever received.

I feel all warm and fluffy on the inside.
#11
Quote by LucasGtrGod
And the over complicatedness, well that's what I like to listen to, so that's why it is as over the top as it is.


Just some food for thought here, but over complicated doesn't mean cluttered. Bands like DreamTheater or Symphony X are extremely complicated, but never does their music sound like it's being cluttered. I'm not suggesting you should try to make music like either since that's obviously not what you're going for, but merely as an example of how to write over the top complex music that still makes sense.
#12
I'm not really sure what you mean by cluttered, but if you mean it's too busy, and you can't make out the main line of it, I rectified this afterwards.

What I did in the new tab was at certain area's turn what I considered to be the lead line for each part up, and the other parts down, as to emphasise the main driving force behind the sections.

I did not really have a problem with these sections though, overall I was trying to present a sound that melded together.
#13
I love the frantic nature of this! Although it is all over the place, I think that for what it tries to accomplish, it does well. A few issues:

-The beginning high pitched guitar goes on for a bit too long. I think it might be best to make it fade out to more rhythmic parts earlier in the song.

-The ending is a bit abrupt and comes outta nowhere. The transition is good, but in the grand scheme of things it is a bit startling. I think it might be better if the ending theme is introduced somewhere earlier in the song and then quickly shaped into the ending pattern.

Other than that, I love it! I'd kill to hear a recorded version of this.

8/10
Guitarist, Bassist, Drummer, Pianist, and Singer (if you consider Death Metal Growls and Screeches singing!)

My Songs:
Post-Hardcore(ish) Song
#14
Quote by The Dark Wind
I love the frantic nature of this! Although it is all over the place, I think that for what it tries to accomplish, it does well. A few issues:

-The beginning high pitched guitar goes on for a bit too long. I think it might be best to make it fade out to more rhythmic parts earlier in the song.

-The ending is a bit abrupt and comes outta nowhere. The transition is good, but in the grand scheme of things it is a bit startling. I think it might be better if the ending theme is introduced somewhere earlier in the song and then quickly shaped into the ending pattern.

Other than that, I love it! I'd kill to hear a recorded version of this.

8/10


haha, thanks for the crit.

The song is not finished that's why it ends so abruptly.

There is about another 5 minutes or so left of the song to go, I have it planned out, just have to get around to writing it.
#15
The intro was a bit messy, it no doubt took you a while to write, but it's kind of hard to listen to. The riff at 56 is amazing. The riff at 61 was a great way to follow it up. At bar 71 I'm kind of getting bored of it though. I didn't like the ending, or lack there of.
Quote by fob12
Him -"Hey, give me a high five!"
Her -"hahaha why? *high fives*"
Him - "Because I just dumped you for the lulz!"
Her -"... what?"
Him -"*runs away*"


Quote by Lefty7Stringer
killswitch engage has some dissonant riffs, they're kind grindcore tho