Poll: Course of action that should be taken?
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View poll results: Course of action that should be taken?
Ditch the friend.
21 33%
Be there for the friend.
42 67%
Voters: 63.
#1
Ya I've used the search bar went through the first 20 pages and got nothing, plus its more of a personal advice thing that doesn't belong in the relationship thread cause its not a relationship issue romantically speaking.
So lets just start with this, I have on multiple occasions been told I'm too nice, never really understood what it meant, I mean I know sometimes some people would take advantage of me but I didn't care its not like it harmed me or anything and its better then being a dick cake.
Anyway, not that this is new to me, but a really good friend started dating this guy about 5 months ago, at first I was happy for her she always had trouble finding a good guy and her bf is genuinely a good guy, and from previous experiences with other friends I knew that meant she'd basically disappear out of my life. Well about 3 months in I really needed to talk to her about something and I mean we hadn't really even talked at all since her new BF, but she just couldn't seem to make time for me, so I just said w/e and I haven't talked to her since, and now her and her BF are on the rocks, and I've taken friends back before after they've disappeared due to this same phenomenon, but I had never really needed them actually 99.9% of the time I'm the listener/advice giver so for once it happened that I needed someone who was supposed to be a good friend and they weren't there for me, anyway now that ****s going down hill she's been trying to get in touch with me. So should I say **** off and screw my conscious for once, or should I be there for her?
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Quote by shdowfox17
awesome avatar,denn0069!
Quote by Valo
The most truth I've heard in the pit.
ever.
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#3
Grow some balls, make your own decision. I would personally ignore anyone who came craving my attention when something else didn't work out, when they had been ignoring me beforehand.
#5
Quote by Mazzakazza
Grow some balls, make your own decision. I would personally ignore anyone who came craving my attention when something else didn't work out, when they had been ignoring me beforehand.

Having 4 balls gives people the ability to make their own decisions? odd...

I'm looking for advice from an outside perspective that has no emotions clouding their judgment.

chinese_jazz: The thing is the second I am there for her aren't I being a doormat?
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Quote by shdowfox17
awesome avatar,denn0069!
Quote by Valo
The most truth I've heard in the pit.
ever.
▼▲
#6
I was in this situation. What did I do?

Say screw it, and kick her ass to the curb. Trust me, she'll miss having someone like you in her life. You also will feel a lot better. You can't let people push you around, so when in doubt, kick em out.
Quote by divinecrossfire

step 7: run out the door towards your buddy and turn off the lights, all whilst fapping furiously with one hand, doing the "princess diana wave" with the other, and screaming "THEN WE SHALL FIGHT IN THE DARK!!!!!"
#7
Believe actions, not words.

If she won't be there for you, she's not really your friend.
Quote by shattamakar
The only advantage of home-schooling is that it gives you good reason to commit suicide.


Hit this once or twice, and you'll be twice as nice.
#8
She's not your friend. Friends don't ditch you for their bf or gf. A friend will always make time for you, even if it's minimal.
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#9
Bros before hoes man
Quote by mustaineNslash
i know this sounds stupid but...
wheres the sig button??

(sry)


#10
Quote by Pharsti
I was in this situation. What did I do?

Say screw it, and kick her ass to the curb. Trust me, she'll miss having someone like you in her life. You also will feel a lot better. You can't let people push you around, so when in doubt, kick em out.


If he's anything like me (and he sounds like it) then he won't feel a lot better, he will instead just feel horrible, all-consuming guilt.
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#11
I don't know mate. That's a really tricky situation.

My best mate started going out with his GF in November. Being a great friend, he's still found time to see me, and we're still best mates (like 6 years strong xD). It gets a bit annoying, though, as a year ago we would wander around town on missions just prattin around, just us two, and now she tags along and it's really not good. It makes me feel like I'm the odd one out, cuz I haven't got a GF. Same with my other best mate (a girl this time).

About a month and a bit ago she started goin out with this boy (Called Chris) who I'd never met. Anyway, 2 days later, we go to Rotherham (next to Sheffield, where he lives) to meet him, and we're ok mates now. But I've noticed I've not really seen her as much, and when I'm out and about with her I always feel quite...on my own to put it.

I'd try and be kind of like. Listen to her and help her, but say you felt abit hurt when she didn't see you at all. Say that you feel she could have made at least some time for her, but you're happy you can be better friends now.
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haha
#13
Quote by denn0069
Ya I've used the search bar went through the first 20 pages and got nothing, plus its more of a personal advice thing that doesn't belong in the relationship thread cause its not a relationship issue romantically speaking.
So lets just start with this, I have on multiple occasions been told I'm too nice, never really understood what it meant, I mean I know sometimes some people would take advantage of me but I didn't care its not like it harmed me or anything and its better then being a dick cake.
Anyway, not that this is new to me, but a really good friend started dating this guy about 5 months ago, at first I was happy for her she always had trouble finding a good guy and her bf is genuinely a good guy, and from previous experiences with other friends I knew that meant she'd basically disappear out of my life. Well about 3 months in I really needed to talk to her about something and I mean we hadn't really even talked at all since her new BF, but she just couldn't seem to make time for me, so I just said w/e and I haven't talked to her since, and now her and her BF are on the rocks, and I've taken friends back before after they've disappeared due to this same phenomenon, but I had never really needed them actually 99.9% of the time I'm the listener/advice giver so for once it happened that I needed someone who was supposed to be a good friend and they weren't there for me, anyway now that ****s going down hill she's been trying to get in touch with me. So should I say **** off and screw my conscious for once, or should I be there for her?
Please learn to use paragraphs and take it to the relationship thread.
#14
I would say listen to your friend. I'm the same way as you, I listen to everyone and try to help them no matter how much of a dick they are to me (call me a push-over, I don't really care). But just don't let her take advantage of anything...just give her friendly advice.
#15
don't be so wrapped up in your pride. Just because she wasn't there for you, doesn't mean you shouldn't lead by example. Revenge just makes people bitter and there's no need to get worked up about anything. Just move on; live and let die.
#16
Having been in the same place, I just talked to her, Said "you never had time to talk to me before. Why should I Give you mine?" Imply to her that she hurt you last time. Also I told My friend if they do it again, that I won't. In short give her one last chance.
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#17
Do you want to do the same thing to her as she does to you? Even if it sucks for you, at least you have the title of a true friend, so as a friend, talk to her about it. If she doesn't want to be her friend, her loss.
#18
Sometimes I listen to people and give them advice, even if they aren't a great friend of mine. Friendships aside, someone you know needs help. If you give it, she'll remember.
Who dat?
#19
You want to know what "nice guy" means? It doesn't mean not being a "dick cake" it means being a type of person that just begs to be used. Friends ditch you and then come back when they need you? You're being used. As long as people are getting what they want from you unconditionally without giving anything back you are going to be an unhappy camper, as long as you give them what they want they are going to treat you that way. The fact that they do it in the first place removes the title of "friend" in my book, and the fact that you choose to make friends with people like this says something about yourself.

This is directly related to the "nice guy" syndrome we all know about when it comes to getting young ladies to like you. If you do everything for them without getting anything in return, why shouldn't they keep using you and not giving anything in return? Personally I stay away from women with this attitude altogether, but if you're going to associate with them, you can't be a "nice guy."

Ditch her and go start new friendships with healthy normal people that aren't out to use you.
#21
Quote by dullsilver_mike
You want to know what "nice guy" means? It doesn't mean not being a "dick cake" it means being a type of person that just begs to be used. Friends ditch you and then come back when they need you? You're being used. As long as people are getting what they want from you unconditionally without giving anything back you are going to be an unhappy camper, as long as you give them what they want they are going to treat you that way. The fact that they do it in the first place removes the title of "friend" in my book, and the fact that you choose to make friends with people like this says something about yourself.

This is directly related to the "nice guy" syndrome we all know about when it comes to getting young ladies to like you. If you do everything for them without getting anything in return, why shouldn't they keep using you and not giving anything in return? Personally I stay away from women with this attitude altogether, but if you're going to associate with them, you can't be a "nice guy."

Ditch her and go start new friendships with healthy normal people that aren't out to use you.

It's not a syndrome, it's a matter of being a humanitarian, putting yourself aside for others. That self gratification is worth more than your precious pride.
#23
Quote by fob12
It's not a syndrome, it's a matter of being a humanitarian, putting yourself aside for others. That self gratification is worth more than your precious pride.


it is a syndrome of lacking in self love in just such a way that you can only feel good about yourself through letting others use you.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with helping people without expecting something in return. THere is something wrong with being repeatedly drawn to the kind of people that never give you anything in return. That's what "nice guy syndrome" is. It has nothing to do with actually being a good or nice human being.
#24
Quote by aleb
Bros before hoes man


This.
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#26
Kind of relieved at the responses cause I know it sounds like I'm a huge pushover but I'm just not the kind of person that likes ditching someone that needs support or someone to talk to, I'll do what was commonly agreed upon of letting her know that she was in the wrong and that it did make me resent her to a degree.

Thanks for the fresh view on a stupid problem guys.

P.S. To the guy that said because I'm a nice guy I don't get girls: LOL
▼▲
Quote by shdowfox17
awesome avatar,denn0069!
Quote by Valo
The most truth I've heard in the pit.
ever.
▼▲
Last edited by denn0069 at Jul 8, 2008,
#27
I've been told that before as well, actually. Which is odd, because I'm not sickeningly nice or anything.

Anyway, it's late and I'm tired so... wall of text. Sorry man.
I play by my own rules. And I have one rule; There are no rules... but if there are, they're there to be broken. Even this one.


Confused? Good.

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#29
Well I would ditch the mole...

BUT...

I have very few friends now, so do the opposite of my advise or you'll be lonely and bitter like me


Be her big warm shoulder to cry on
This water's dark and coldGod's not where you hopedThis moment come and goneIt's time we all moved on
#31
Quote by dullsilver_mike
You want to know what "nice guy" means? It doesn't mean not being a "dick cake" it means being a type of person that just begs to be used. Friends ditch you and then come back when they need you? You're being used. As long as people are getting what they want from you unconditionally without giving anything back you are going to be an unhappy camper, as long as you give them what they want they are going to treat you that way. The fact that they do it in the first place removes the title of "friend" in my book, and the fact that you choose to make friends with people like this says something about yourself.

This is directly related to the "nice guy" syndrome we all know about when it comes to getting young ladies to like you. If you do everything for them without getting anything in return, why shouldn't they keep using you and not giving anything in return? Personally I stay away from women with this attitude altogether, but if you're going to associate with them, you can't be a "nice guy."

Ditch her and go start new friendships with healthy normal people that aren't out to use you.


I've been called a nice guy and I don't let people take advantage of me. I'm only unconditionally nice to people who've never let me down.
I play by my own rules. And I have one rule; There are no rules... but if there are, they're there to be broken. Even this one.


Confused? Good.

Quote by CrucialGutchman
Sigs are wastes of my precious screen space.

^ Irony

Quote by RevaM1ssP1ss
LET ME HUMP YOU DAMMIT
#32
Quote by dullsilver_mike
it is a syndrome of lacking in self love in just such a way that you can only feel good about yourself through letting others use you.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with helping people without expecting something in return. THere is something wrong with being repeatedly drawn to the kind of people that never give you anything in return. That's what "nice guy syndrome" is. It has nothing to do with actually being a good or nice human being.
It's not a syndrome. Are you trying to tell me how I am about myself, and what I do to myself?
#33
Quote by untalented
don't be so wrapped up in your pride. Just because she wasn't there for you, doesn't mean you shouldn't lead by example. Revenge just makes people bitter and there's no need to get worked up about anything. Just move on; live and let die.


this is a smart dude.
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