#1
this is a song in the process...i havent got a chorus for it yet so if u can try to hep me with a good chorus!!!!...pls crit...anything helps


I always thought our love would last forever.

I guess im not good enough for you,

Not good enough for your friends or your family.


I lived in your shadow because i love you.

Now I think love is just a word,

Used to break hearts and rip your life apart.


I hate being hurt and left alone in the light.

Without you by my side,I wonder if you think of me.

I try to understand why things happen like this,

I just got to understand that this is gods plan,

For me to be turned into a man,

And..........


Try to forgive all the bad,

Keep all the evil around,

For hours,

Until it knocks me down,

Like the Twin Towers.


It feels like I am taking baby steps again to try and get what I think I deserve.

But I guess im not good enough for your heart,your feelings,your love,or you.

Like a stop sign on a corner I stand alone,

Getting vandalized by people I though cared for me.


And even though I told you that you were my heart,

You still ripped my heart apart.

I though love was supposed to make you feel good,

Love just makes my heart break apart and turn into blood,

Bad blood that runs through my veins and makes me feel pain,


Your not the same person I fell in love with even though you look like the same person i fell in love with,

So I stayed with you through everything even the bulls***.

I tried to clear my eyes of the tears but,

Even if I do that I still hear the pain through my ears.


I used to look up to you like somebody I could trust my heart and life with,

Now it feels like my heart has been thrown in to dirt and s***.

I thought you loved me,

If you truly loved me you would risk your friends and everybody just for me.


I lost a ton of friends just going back to you,

But I guess it was the right thing to do,

Reason why I did it......................................................


Because I f***ing love you


PLEASE CRIT
Last edited by williamdllr at Jul 9, 2008,
#2
"Getting vandalized by people I though cared for me"

maybe instead of getting vandalized by people you thought cared for you (people dont care deeply and emotionaly for stop signs lol) maybe you get vandalized for another reason.
people stop at stop signs either because its the law or because they wanna give it the time of day to spray paint it lol get where im going with this?

that line and the line before it kinda jumped out at me, maybe you could build a title off the lonely stop sign thing.
#3
although ive never been heartbroken, i can totally see where you're coming from.


i really like it, however, i think it would sound more professional, if you kept more secrecy to it, you tell the listener EVERYTHING and make it really obvious, maybe put some complexity in there, where you have to thihnk about it to realise what it means, maybe some sarcasm, and then it would be spot on (Y)
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