#1
Really hyped on caffeine, thats all I have to say.


caffeinated nights
Gravity isn't going to bring me down
I'm light as a feather stiff as a board
and this little board isn't floating ashore
I'll float out to sea
so you can come and find me
but the currents so strong
so you better hold on
and don't let the sea salt blind you
lest the moon come to break the ties that bind you.
#2
Short. Not that great of flow. But the idea is pretty good. Maybe you should lay off the caffeine and take a look at this add some verses cut a chorus and turn this into a real piece. It's got potential.
Check for "Taking a Picture (Won't capture this)
#3
Quote by FreeManson15

caffeinated nights
Gravity isn't going to bring me down
I'm light as a feather stiff as a board
Two horribly cliched lines. Only plus to this is the oxymoron you created here.
and this little board isn't floating ashore
I'll float out to sea
so you can come and find me
I can kind of sense the caffeine here. You start talking about gravity and a feather, making me think of air, then you go to water. idk about that.
but the currents so strong
so you better hold on
and don't let the sea salt blind you
lest the moon come to break the ties that bind you.


Doesn't really flow at all. Otherwise, it has some good ideas, but needs a lot of refining.
#4
"Sea salt blind you"

That was a good line. The 'S' sound got some alliteration going, which builds up the spit, and gets a salty taste in my mouth... and in my eyes, remarkably. I really didn't care for the piece. I've learned that when I write a song under alot of emotion, the piece itself needs to stand the test of time, so I can see if it can CAUSE that emotion.