#1
I decided to distance myself from my best friend, who I was in a band with for a while and who I have a lot of history with. No real major reasons, I just didn't feel like being around him as much, and eventually not at all, because of some personality traits. I know everyone has their faults but he just is kind of neurotic, and as a friend is way high maintenance. I've joked before about him being like a g/f.

Really the reasons don't seem that important to me. But he views it as a horrible thing to do to a person, to be their good friend for a long time and then just decide to not hang out with them anymore. I didn't tell him or give him a talk or anything, because I only joke about him being like a g/f, I'm not going to treat him like one. It's not the best way to be, but I just think he's overreacting about it. I've been not answering his calls and not hanging out with him for a good 4 or 5 months and he's still caught up about it majorly.

Short version: I distanced myself from my best friend, stopped talking to him, and he won't let it go and is basicly making it up into a really big deal.

I just need to know if he has a point. Is that really a douche thing of me to do? I didn't think it was, but he's been making such a friggin ordeal out of it. Maybe he's right, and I'm being a jerk. But I mean I should be able to choose who I'm friends with and who not, right?
We're only strays.
#2
Still answer his calls.
By not answering his calls, he'll feel like you're neglecting him.

You can still distance yourself from him, in a subtle manner.
#3
Quote by lotsofvolume
Still answer his calls.
By not answering his calls, he'll feel like you're neglecting him.


I thought I was clear in my post that that's exactly what I'm doing. I more or less don't want to be his friend anymore. I can see us crossing paths some time in the next year and getting back on where we left off, but currently I mostly want nothing to do with him.
We're only strays.
#4
Dude, just tell him what's going on. Don't be an asshole and make him feel as though he did something in particular to upset you. Trust me, it makes you feel ****ty when your best friend doesn't bother to pick up their phone or just ignores you.
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#7
Quote by InvaderTSN
What's wrong with that? It seems to be okay with Turk and J.D.


Salutes Turk and J.D.
#9
Quote by Martyr's Prayer
I thought I was clear in my post that that's exactly what I'm doing. I more or less don't want to be his friend anymore. I can see us crossing paths some time in the next year and getting back on where we left off, but currently I mostly want nothing to do with him.


Read my edit,
"You can still distance yourself from him, in a subtle manner."

By fully ignoring him, you're, in his eyes, being a shithead.
#10
Quote by DiveRightIn63
Dude, just tell him what's going on. Don't be an asshole and make him feel as though he did something in particular to upset you. Trust me, it makes you feel ****ty when your best friend doesn't bother to pick up their phone or just ignores you.


You're right, but from the way he is I know that if I talk to him about this in any way, he's not going to accept it. He'll just demand a reason for why I feel this way, and then argue it into the ground that I'm wrong and he's right. So for that reason I've been avoiding talking to him about it. After reading your post I was about to send him a message basicly saying it's no fault of his own, but I know that if I did it'd go straight past him and he'd just be concerned with arguing/telling me how wrong I am to do this.
We're only strays.
#11
well it sounds like you're acting like a girl too. be a man and tell him. stop being a pussy.
#13
Almost all of my friends did that to me, it was awful. It made pretty much most of my junior year terrible. Just try to be straight with him, don't leave him in the dust all of a sudden without a clue as to why you don't want to hang out, it really sucks.
#15
Quote by bloodshed344
Yes you are a supreme douchebag, good job.


agreed. tell him whats going on.
#16
Quote by Martyr's Prayer
You're right, but from the way he is I know that if I talk to him about this in any way, he's not going to accept it. He'll just demand a reason for why I feel this way, and then argue it into the ground that I'm wrong and he's right. So for that reason I've been avoiding talking to him about it. After reading your post I was about to send him a message basicly saying it's no fault of his own, but I know that if I did it'd go straight past him and he'd just be concerned with arguing/telling me how wrong I am to do this.


Seriously man, if you tell him I think that after a while he'd really accept it. It'd work a lot better than not telling him anything at all, at least.
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#17
Quote by Mumbo Jumbo
Almost all of my friends did that to me, it was awful. It made pretty much most of my junior year terrible. Just try to be straight with him, don't leave him in the dust all of a sudden without a clue as to why you don't want to hang out, it really sucks.


Well I mean I didn't directly tell him exactly what I'm doing, but for a bit he was just like 'why aren't we hanging out?' and I just told him I'm taking a break and to give me room.

So it's not like I one day decided this and then completely cut him off, it was gradual.
We're only strays.
#18
Quote by InvaderTSN
What's wrong with that? It seems to be okay with Turk and J.D.



omg, i did not expect to see a scrubs reference in this thread


kudos to u!
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#19
he's obviously not your best friend then...think of why he was before
#20
Dude, that's fucking cold. I'd hate it if any of my friends did that to me. My friends hardly talk to me as it is. Let him make a big deal out of it if he wants. What type of asshat just randomly decides to stop being friends with someone and then gets pissy when their friend is upset about it?
#21
Quote by InvaderTSN
What's wrong with that? It seems to be okay with Turk and J.D.


It's Turk Andjaydee! And J.D.!
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#22
Breaking up friendships is hard.. especially since its kinda weird just coming out and saying "I dont want to be friends anymore"...

Frikkin weird how you ignore him and he doesnt take the hint though.. obviously he's gunna think you're a ****head no matter how you handle it, it's up to you how bad you want him to hate you though.
'And if this clock keeps beating down, let the branded time keep playing, of all the minutes that were taken away, will your watch be waiting.'
#23
Quote by Slaughtered
Breaking up friendships is hard.. especially since its kinda weird just coming out and saying "I dont want to be friends anymore"...

Frikkin weird how you ignore him and he doesnt take the hint though.. obviously he's gunna think you're a ****head no matter how you handle it, it's up to you how bad you want him to hate you though.


The way he is, either I'm going to be his friend again and hang out a lot, or I'm going to be completely wrong in his eyes and he's going to hate me. that, combined with the kind of argument that would ensue if I attempted to even try to explain, is what makes it seem not worth it to me.

EDIT: BTW I'm completely surprised by the amount of good advice I've already been given, it's helping me to figure this out.
We're only strays.
#24
Well as long as he knows whats going on, it's not so bad. You don't have to hang with people you don't want to. Just as long as he understands whats going on.
#25
You should talk to him regrardless. Explain yourself and let him respond, but then move on. If he argues you can hear him out, but then you simply stick with your decision and let him know that he won't be able to change your mind. If you continue to ignore him he will continue calling and the tension will get worse (not to mention that it really is a rude thing to do).

I have been in this situation and it's terrible. I ended up ignoring them and it did NOT work out.
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#26
The only thing I can say is that I'm glad you're not my friend. None of my close friends would ever do this, and if you would, then you can hardly say he's your best friend.
There is poetry in despair.
#27
Quote by fridge_raider
The only thing I can say is that I'm glad you're not my friend. None of my close friends would ever do this, and if you would, then you can hardly say he's your best friend.


To speak on my own behalf, you don't know me or my friend, or any of the details, which I deliberately left out in the interest of keeping this as little of a contrived/manipulated (by me) dilemma as possible, so as to gather the most accurate consensus.
We're only strays.
#28
Quote by Martyr's Prayer
To speak on my own behalf, you don't know me or my friend, or any of the details, which I deliberately left out in the interest of keeping this as little of a contrived/manipulated (by me) dilemma as possible, so as to gather the most accurate consensus.



Wait wait wait wait... WAIT

If you (quote) leave out the details to (quote) get the most accurate conesensus. ..

. . .

If you leave out the details, you will not get the most accurate consensus because we do not know everything. I'm not trying to rip on you but if you want the best advice you should leave nothing out. I assure you some of us have probably been there before, and if you let us know the details it would help us to help you. Sorry if this sounded mean, i didn't want it to sound like that.

My two cents, take it or leave it.
Do NOT look behind you.
#29
Quote by c_man471
Wait wait wait wait... WAIT

If you (quote) leave out the details to (quote) get the most accurate conesensus. ..

. . .

If you leave out the details, you will not get the most accurate consensus because we do not know everything. I'm not trying to rip on you but if you want the best advice you should leave nothing out. I assure you some of us have probably been there before, and if you let us know the details it would help us to help you. Sorry if this sounded mean, i didn't want it to sound like that.

My two cents, take it or leave it.


It doesn't sound mean.

I only said as much about it as needed to be said to tell me if ex-communicating a friend is douchely. The facts. No matter what I say it's still going to have my spin on it from my point of view, but still I think this way is better.
We're only strays.
#31
When you're good friends with someone for a long time, and suddenly cut them off, without telling them why, they have a right to be upset. Tell him how it is, don't be an ass and just ignore him.
#32
Dude, just tell him you really feel like you're moving in different directions, you don't hate him, you just want him to give you space. Not everyone can be BFFs for all eternity, and he should recognize that.

However, you screening his calls and flat out ignoring him is just cold. That wasn't a nice thing to do, and it would be really good if you apologized for doing so.
#33
Geeehaaaay.

Joking, but seriously, just eh...I dunno...
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#35
Me and my best friend sound like you two, and if he did to me what you did to him, I'd be raging. The way you described it in the OP made you out to sound like a real d*ck. I'm sure you have other reasons that you've left out, as you've said, but the OP made me think that you've treated your mate really sh*tly
#36
first off: man i love your band's mp3!

Dude I'm where you are too i think one of my best friends changed loads over the past year and i realized that I really wasn't enjoying being around him anymore. basically what i've done (cause he's still one of my best friends) is not exclude him from stuff but not to look to hang out with him or if i do hang out with him it's with other people too but never alone. but if he was your best friend their's probably a reason he was so you probably shouldn't give up on him. anyway that's what i'm trying to do

(Excuse the lack of capitalizations I wrote it in hurry and just realized I didn't capitalize anything really)
#37
it kindof is. i mean, how would you feel if, all of a sudden, your best friend totally forgot about you? not cool.


but i understand what you're getting at. i'd just tell him that you're not the same anymore & that you've changed or something...
#39
Dude? What the Hell? You don't ditch your friends like that. One day your gonna need to talk to someone and that person will just ignore you just as your doing now.

EDIT:Point out his flaws
I want to go as far to the edge without going over. Out on the edge, you can see all kinds of different things.
#40
Quote by Martyr's Prayer
I decided to distance myself from my best friend, who I was in a band with for a while and who I have a lot of history with. No real major reasons, I just didn't feel like being around him as much, and eventually not at all, because of some personality traits. I know everyone has their faults but he just is kind of neurotic, and as a friend is way high maintenance. I've joked before about him being like a g/f.

Really the reasons don't seem that important to me. But he views it as a horrible thing to do to a person, to be their good friend for a long time and then just decide to not hang out with them anymore. I didn't tell him or give him a talk or anything, because I only joke about him being like a g/f, I'm not going to treat him like one. It's not the best way to be, but I just think he's overreacting about it. I've been not answering his calls and not hanging out with him for a good 4 or 5 months and he's still caught up about it majorly.

Short version: I am an asshat.


Seriously... ditching a best friend because of personality traits? His personality is what made you guys friends in the first place.

Thank god none of my friends would pull this on me. *knock on wood*