#1
Hey, I've had an account here for a while but never really put up any of my stuff. Anyways, I wrote a song this morning which I actually ended up liking a lot more than I thought. Since the stuff I write usually ends up through composed with the structure just kinda screwy and all over the place, I tried doing something different by just taking a structure. I also rarely write solos, so I tried putting it in. Any thoughts, comments, things I should change? C4C as usual! Thanks!
Attachments:
posthardcoreish.zip
Guitarist, Bassist, Drummer, Pianist, and Singer (if you consider Death Metal Growls and Screeches singing!)

My Songs:
Post-Hardcore(ish) Song
#2
There's nothing particularly wrong with it, but it is just a little unexciting.

The main riff is okay, it sounds much better with the slow drum beat. I didn't like the double time feel of it, the drums did not suit the guitar part very well.

All of the riffs sound very similar and have a similar chord progression. The verses would become more exciting if they were shorter and alternated between fast and slow, because honestly I skipped the second verse and chorus and went straight to the solo.

The solo was great btw, very melodic, but I felt that it sort of needed to build, rather than just have the same intensity all the way through.

Perhaps if you had one guitar doing melody during the verses that might ease the monotony.

THe structure of the song was very bland, you should mix up the tempo's, and/or change key's at certain points to aid in maintaining a level of intensity throughout the song. The verse/chorus structure feels like a bit of a cop out, because it lets people create direction in a song without a real destination being achieved.

Try and make the second verse seem more intense than the one before it, and don't be afraid to make the bridge longer.

But it was fairly enjoyable, just bland, it felt liek the skeleton of a song. Spend some more time on it, and don't feel that you need to adhere to the verse/chorus structure, while adding some variation on the guitars and this could be great.

6.5/10
#3
Thanks for the solid advice! I definitely felt what you were saying, although you put it into much better words than I could. I just wanted something simpler and more structured than my normal songs, but there's definitely improvement as you said. I'll try to take your advice and change it at parts. I'm not a good solo writer, really one of the few I've ever thrown in, so I'll have to experiment with a bunch of things.
Guitarist, Bassist, Drummer, Pianist, and Singer (if you consider Death Metal Growls and Screeches singing!)

My Songs:
Post-Hardcore(ish) Song
Last edited by The Dark Wind at Jul 9, 2008,
#4
I agree with what most of what Lucas said.

But I do think that what you've got is a very solid start. The addition of either lyrics, or some kind of guitar melody would definitely help a great deal.

You do repeat yourself a lot as well, but that's not exactly a bad thing. Repetition is a way of getting a song to feel comfortable to it's listeners, which is why most songs (and just about ever successful song) is broken into a verse chorus verse structure. It's nice to return to familiar territory, it's also a memorable moment to hook someone.

Now what you need is to add a little variation to your repetition. There are places that would be perfect to throw in a riff. Like the place where you're hitting 16 D#5's in a row. Take out the last 4 and put a riff in. Or maybe slightly alter the timing of the chords, or try a different voicing, or whatever. You could also add a bridge in, or a breakdown, or an acoustic instrumental break. As Lucas said you don't need to stick with the Verse/Chorus structure. But neither do you need to break away from it. Both ways work and both ways are ultimately fine. (Although somewhat harder to impress people here with since there's a huge amount of crazy prog metal that strives to be unmemorable by being as long as possible and refusing to repeat a single line).

Also, I liked your solo, melodic and well phrased. It could have ended a little more powerfully, either with some fancy shreddery, or some really powerful bends, or just a strong melodic line, but otherwise it was really good.

Either way, while I wouldn't classify it as an actual song, it is a very solid foundation for one.

If you want to C4C, my stuffs in my sig
#5
I felt the intro dragged on too long. Didn't like the drums too much either. The next riff is sick though. Glad to see the drums are good as well haha. The ringing notes gave a really nice touch but I think having them ring out the whole time is a bit exhausting to the listener. Try having some release or some kind of like rest between them or something. Good job though. The solo wasn't bad, but it seems like you're just playing through different pentatonic boxes at times. Give it some more variety, more spontaneity. It worked though.

Overall, this is a pretty cool song, just needs some work here and there Good job!
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#6
what you had sounded good, but i think you need to work on jazzing it up a little bit. like put in some quick riffs here and there instead of doing just straight up palm mutes the whole time
#7
Btw in regards to icronic, I wasn't saying that he should sack the verse/chorus approach completely, just that I felt he should vary the second verse and pad it out a bit more than the first verse.

Because while the listener still feels as though they are on familiar grounds, the change up will create a new level of tension and excitement in the secod verse, and by altering the length of the second verse it makes it harder to predict when that chorus will hit.

And as ninja.kitty said, if you had a few faster riffs here and there it will vary the riffing style.

As I said, you have the skeleton of a song, and all it needs is a few new riffs here and there and some variation and it will become a great song.