#1
I'll get to the point.
I started off with a trio band in mid-to-late 07. We played alternative stuff, some post-grunge and so on. So heavy music, post-grunge vocals, post-grunge lyrics. Think Alice In Chains but with more sensible, Staind-type lyrics and a younger, less aggresive Scott Weiland (former Stone Temple Pilots and Velvet Revolver singer) on vocals.
We were me, vocals and guitar, another guy on guitars and back vocals, and a drummer.
We got along perfectly fine in the beginning, and even sometimes too well. We came up with songs together, usually us 2 frontmen, he would come up with guitar parts, i would match some more, and write lyrics/i would write lyrics, we would match music etc.
BUT... sometime at the beginning of this year, after a reasonably succesful gig, we sort of stopped practicing, and whenever we did, it was only criticism, fighting, break-times, him telling me i was too self-centered, me telling him i could be however the **** i wanted to be etc.
so eventually without even telling the other guitarist, i recruited a bassist, and continued the band with our old drummer, who was still a good friend of mine.
We got on pretty good, and we made a few songs together, performed etc., we were always full of ideas and we were a great band. We then performed in front of our school etc., and now we're ready to record a few songs together.
But our old guitarist keeps on saying **** about us to other people, like I stole his songs, all of the guitar parts were ones he came up with, i stole his **** lyrics, i cheated him and so on. And so he's doing everything he can to break our popularity.
So do any of you have any advice on what i should do?

Now, if i asked the pit for advice, i would get a bunch of replies saying "n00b", "kick his ass", "give him a pink dildo" etc.
so this is my first post in the bandleading forum, and i hope i am doing this right; if there is some other thread i should post this in, please tell me so; and apart from that, thank you in advance.
Your dreams are all out of focus;
Knock you up when you're feeling down.
And all the world feels so unreal...


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Quote by ishmonkey
Hitler was really smart and could have been a good leader but he was kind of a douche to the Jews.
#2
me telling him i could be however the **** i wanted to be etc.


Sounds like a pretty reasonable response!
And maybe we can fly away from here, surf on the debris of a broken scene...
#3
Quote by gald
Sounds like a pretty reasonable response!

yea, but i feel i may have been self-centered and ego like he mentioned, i want to try and avoid that, and should i apologize to him even though i don't know who was wrong?
Your dreams are all out of focus;
Knock you up when you're feeling down.
And all the world feels so unreal...


COLORFUL COLORS
Quote by ishmonkey
Hitler was really smart and could have been a good leader but he was kind of a douche to the Jews.
#4
You should apologise for recruting another member without talking to him first, that was a big no no.
Still, before hand you had drums, two guitars and no bass, now you have drums, guitar and bass.
Y'know what would honestly solve all your problems? Seriously, apologise for all the crap that's happened, even if you don't necessarily think any of it was your fault (it's called 'biting your tongue') agree that you were self centred and that you'll try not to be in future then ask if you can shake hands, bury the hatchet and invite him to rejoin the band as it is now.
Band relationships are almost like boyfriend/girlfriend relationships. If you find out a band member has been hanging around with another band, you tend to feel jealous. And with that kinda relationship, you get nurotic behaviour.
The secret is to be relaxed, take most of what is said with a pinch of salt and be completely open to other band members ideas.
If you don't like something, maybe a new song, or even just a section of a new song, but everyone else does like it, hard luck, you've just been outvoted my friend, grin and bear it.
Y'see, that's what being in a band is all about, give and take. Without it, bands don't tend to last long.
#5
Quote by SlackerBabbath
You should apologise for recruting another member without talking to him first, that was a big no no.
Still, before hand you had drums, two guitars and no bass, now you have drums, guitar and bass.
Y'know what would honestly solve all your problems? Seriously, apologise for all the crap that's happened, even if you don't necessarily think any of it was your fault (it's called 'biting your tongue') agree that you were self centred and that you'll try not to be in future then ask if you can shake hands, bury the hatchet and invite him to rejoin the band as it is now.
Band relationships are almost like boyfriend/girlfriend relationships. If you find out a band member has been hanging around with another band, you tend to feel jealous. And with that kinda relationship, you get nurotic behaviour.
The secret is to be relaxed, take most of what is said with a pinch of salt and be completely open to other band members ideas.
If you don't like something, maybe a new song, or even just a section of a new song, but everyone else does like it, hard luck, you've just been outvoted my friend, grin and bear it.
Y'see, that's what being in a band is all about, give and take. Without it, bands don't tend to last long.


I think I see what you mean. But still, I find it very difficult to play **** songs that I know I could've improved, or better yet, written over..... That's why I choose to have a drummer, a more quiet/"cooperative to a frontman" type of bassist (like Novoselic) because I may be wrong, but I tend to think that it is me that knows what I am doing.
So I wouldn't want to play in a band with the old guitarist again, I want to leave it in the past..... still, is it better to apologize?
and thanks for the advice, that gave me a new perspective.
Your dreams are all out of focus;
Knock you up when you're feeling down.
And all the world feels so unreal...


COLORFUL COLORS
Quote by ishmonkey
Hitler was really smart and could have been a good leader but he was kind of a douche to the Jews.
#6
Quote by Teen Spirit
I think I see what you mean. But still, I find it very difficult to play **** songs that I know I could've improved, or better yet, written over..... That's why I choose to have a drummer, a more quiet/"cooperative to a frontman" type of bassist (like Novoselic) because I may be wrong, but I tend to think that it is me that knows what I am doing.
So I wouldn't want to play in a band with the old guitarist again, I want to leave it in the past..... still, is it better to apologize?
and thanks for the advice, that gave me a new perspective.

You're welcome, anytime mate.
Your stance is understandable. If you're perfectly comfortable with your band as it is, then there's no point in rocking the boat, and after all, you know the situation far better than I ever could.

Yes, it's better to apologise, if only to stop him from spreading dirt about you, infact, if you apologise, do it in front of the very same people that he's been spreading dirt to. They'll see that you're not actualy the bastard that he's making you out to be, and they may even start saying things about him behind his back ('Hey, have you heard about suchandsuch? That guy actualy apologised to him and he's still bad mouthing him behind his back, whadda sore loser!') which in turn will make him look bad if he continues to badmouth you behind your back.
Don't ever resort to dropping to his level of badmouthing him behind his back, be seen to be the better man, let your concience be clear, and let him continue to dig his own grave socialy by spreading dirt about others. After all, no one really likes a person who does that.
This is actualy very important, maybe more than you think because in music, the very last thing you want is a bad reputation, you're musical career kinda depends on good networking, and if people have already heard bad things about you, it can seriously affect you. If you audition for another band sometime in the future for instance, and they've heard the rumors about you being self centred, you could lose out to a lesser musician because they just don't wanna risk giving you a shot. Or if you need to replace a member of your own band in the future, you may struggle finding someone that wants to join your band because of the rumours.
Another bit of advice, if you are still doing any songs that he might have had a hand in creating, drop 'em, (After all, why would you want to be associated through your songs with a bad mouthing guy like him?) take away the opportunity for him to say that you've stolen ideas or songs or guitar riffs or anything else from him, then when you apologise to him in front of others, actualy say 'I heard you wasn't too happy about me doing suchandsuchsong, so I've dropped it out of respect for you.'
Last edited by SlackerBabbath at Jul 11, 2008,
#7
thanks so much for the advice man.
from what i gathered, slackerbabbath, you're like the bandleading genious
Your dreams are all out of focus;
Knock you up when you're feeling down.
And all the world feels so unreal...


COLORFUL COLORS
Quote by ishmonkey
Hitler was really smart and could have been a good leader but he was kind of a douche to the Jews.
#8
Quote by Teen Spirit
thanks so much for the advice man.
from what i gathered, slackerbabbath, you're like the bandleading genious

Cheers bud.

Some call me a guru, others have even been known to call me a god, but in actual fact, I'm just some old fart that's been around the block in the music business more times than I care to remember.