#1
~Short Solo Intro~

Verse 1
alarm clocks buzzin,
its half past 5'
gotta get my boots on,
start the day off right
get in my old rusty pickup
head down that old dusty road
same old road i see everyday

chorus
everybodys got their own routine,
never change, never say a thing,
carry themselfs on well
when your all alone,
its just another day without you home.

~Medium Solo~

Verse 2
people say im kinda shy,
dont get out much
just try to hold my head high
got you by my side
when the day has ended
and your back at home
your memory starts clouding up my mind

chorus

~Long Solo~

Verse 3
moving easy
for where you are
ill try to close my eyes
laying in the dark
the brightness of your smile
keeps me wondering
why i let you take a midnight stroll

chorus

~Short Solo~

(softly) (music lowers)
alarm clock buzzing
half past five...

end
Last edited by Juniorking88 at Jul 10, 2008,
#2
Before I even get started, please please please use proper grammar. It can at least make the piece look professional, and let's be honest, it just shows plain laziness and apathy.

That aside, I get what your piece is trying to depict, however, it just doesn't deliver. It leaves me wanting more.


people say im kinda shy,
dont get out much
just try to hold my head high
got u by my side
when the day has ended
and your back at home
your memory starts clouding up my mind


This stanza has a corny rhyme scheme. Plain and simple. It's none too descriptive, but it does get the point across.

You need to edit this a bit more. Try making it more descriptive and imaginative. Some spicy adjectives can really turn boring into masterpiece.

If you would kindly critique my piece (It's in my signature), I'd be much obliged.