#1
War Machines are turning
Desolating! Killing!
All the people dying
Can't you hear them crying OUT!

We have sat in silence
For way to f*ckin long
Now we take our action
To right out what is wrong

We aim for war! We aim for war!
No fear of pain or death!
We aim for war! We aim for war!
You will know that
We! Aim! For! War!

On the field of battle
Grenades exploding shrapnel
All our men are dying
But the bullets keep on flying!

Bombs exploding all around me
Blood runs thin!
Guns a'blazin I'm going crazy!
Will we win?

We must destroy the world we know!
We tried to warn, we tried to show!

We aim for war! We aim for war!
No fear of pain or death!
We aim for war! We aim for war!
You have taken your final breath!
We aim for war! We aim for war!
Now you know what we can do!
We aim for war! We aim for war!
There's no stoppin, we'll come for you!
We! Aim! For! War!

(Solo)

WE! AIM! FOR! WAR!
WE! AIM! FOR! WAR!
WE! AIM! FOR! WAR!
WE! AIM! FOR! WAR!
#4
Quote by 3rdActguitarist
War Machines are turning
Desolating! Killing!
All the people dying
Can't you hear them crying OUT!

We have sat in silence
For way to f*ckin long
Now we take our action
To right out what is wrong

So far I really like it, not much t suggest on these two.

We aim for war! We aim for war!
No fear of pain or death!
We aim for war! We aim for war!
You will know that
We! Aim! For! War!

I like this stanza I'm going to assume its the chorus part. I think that if someone didn't get what the song was about before this stanza it came across very clear.

On the field of battle
Grenades exploding shrapnel
All our men are dying
But the bullets keep on flying!

This ones good also but I kinda felt that the last line wasn't the last line lol it felt like there was still something left for it. Just what I felt though.

Bombs exploding all around me
Blood runs thin!
Guns a'blazin I'm going crazy!
Will we win?

This one I LOVED, I thought this one was great really good and original.

We must destroy the world we know!
We tried to warn, we tried to show!

I'm not completely sure about these lines maybe its just 'cause of the flow of the rhyme.

We aim for war! We aim for war!
No fear of pain or death!
We aim for war! We aim for war!
You have taken your final breath!
We aim for war! We aim for war!
Now you know what we can do!
We aim for war! We aim for war!
There's no stoppin, we'll come for you!
We! Aim! For! War!

I feel this one is just keeping the flow and everything going not much crit for it. Although the next to last line I found a little humorous (not 'cause of your song) because it kinda reminded a tad of the COPS theme song lol. It was good though .

(Solo)

WE! AIM! FOR! WAR!
WE! AIM! FOR! WAR!
WE! AIM! FOR! WAR!
WE! AIM! FOR! WAR!



Overall I think it was really good. Definitely got the metal feeling of it which if thats what your going for its like perfect.8/10 And if you wouldn't mind C4C mine http://ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=904870
#5
Definate metal feeling, I think the somewhat copious amount of exclamation marks detracts from the seriousness, so if you were heading down the deep, heartfelt emotional route, I think it may have been derailed, but as a metal song, I'd say you hit it well, it certainly brings to mind moshpits and the beit after the solo would sound good if it were chanted.
If you have a minute, could you crit my, I Can't (Let Me Go).
Kkthxbai.
#6
Awesome...one word there...You might want to repeat the whole "We must destroy the world we know..." right before the solo? I dunno though.
#8
Yeah I agree with ninjamonkey. The lyrics poetically aren't extremely powerful, but the way you make the song just come alive with the way it's written is also very cool on its own.
#9
I thought that was really good, I could really learn a few things from you. Do you have any more lyrics you have written that you could send my way? I really like how you got this to flow so well, would be awesome hearing Chuck bBilly from Testament singing this hehe.
#10
i enjoyed this piece...you used great wording and when i was reading it i could picture war....if you dont mind wil you crit my "left alone and left for dead" song pls..its in my sig
Guitars:

1998 Squier Affinity Stratocaster

Amps:

Peavey Valve king 112

Money is just paper, but it affects people like poetry.
#11
Quote by 3rdActguitarist
War Machines are turning
Desolating! Killing!
All the people dying
Can't you hear them crying OUT!

K, so were going deep into thrash territory here, not a bad thing, but has been done to death since the 80s. Decent opener.


We have sat in silence
For way to f*ckin long
Now we take our action
To right out what is wrong

Again, very simple, trad. thrash style, would work very well. TBH put me in mind of BFMV's more revivalist moments and Scream, aim, fire in particular. Only mention it as I saw your sig


We aim for war! We aim for war!
No fear of pain or death!
We aim for war! We aim for war!
You will know that
We! Aim! For! War!

No probs with this except for its clichéd. Very good chant chorus.


On the field of battle
Grenades exploding shrapnel
All our men are dying
But the bullets keep on flying!

No comment, solid thrash, not mad inspired (can you see where my main gripe is )

Bombs exploding all around me
Blood runs thin!
Guns a'blazin I'm going crazy!
Will we win?

We must destroy the world we know!
We tried to warn, we tried to show!

We aim for war! We aim for war!
No fear of pain or death!
We aim for war! We aim for war!
You have taken your final breath!
We aim for war! We aim for war!
Now you know what we can do!
We aim for war! We aim for war!
There's no stoppin, we'll come for you!
We! Aim! For! War!

(Solo)

WE! AIM! FOR! WAR!
WE! AIM! FOR! WAR!
WE! AIM! FOR! WAR!
WE! AIM! FOR! WAR!



Basically, very decent thrash song, easy to envisage in an 80's or crossover style. Doesn't seem to do much to move the thing forward but...I guess thats not what you were aiming for. If so well done.... 7/10
#12
hmmm.
Its interesting..
I could relate it to a lot of political issues.
So it could make a good punk/hardcore or metal song easily.
A bit repetitive.
But I suppose gang vocals could repair that.

all in all, its very good.
Simple, yet effective.
#13
as somebody said earlier i could easily see mustaine singing this.

Do you have any music for it yet?

It would go down perfectly over some thrash riffage.
#14
You have talent as a lyricist. This song has potential and its the kind of music that I would expect to see on a metalheads mp3 player. I sang it again in my head and yes it works out. One of my main concerns is that you are trusting a website accessed by thousands if not millions daily to keep your lyrics safe. Do you even have a copyright for this? I am not an expert on copyrights and all that crap but I just dont know if someone could come along and take these lyrics for themselves? I hope you looked into that ahead of time. I have lyrics of my own but I dont want them stolen... Would it be safe to put them on here?
Anyways, good song and goodluck.
And I dont exactly hear Dave Mustaine Singin this but I do hear someone like Corey Taylor or M. Shadows putting it out there.
Rodney Of Anom.
#16
Quote by Anom
You have talent as a lyricist. This song has potential and its the kind of music that I would expect to see on a metalheads mp3 player. I sang it again in my head and yes it works out. One of my main concerns is that you are trusting a website accessed by thousands if not millions daily to keep your lyrics safe. Do you even have a copyright for this? I am not an expert on copyrights and all that crap but I just dont know if someone could come along and take these lyrics for themselves? I hope you looked into that ahead of time. I have lyrics of my own but I dont want them stolen... Would it be safe to put them on here?
Anyways, good song and goodluck.
And I dont exactly hear Dave Mustaine Singin this but I do hear someone like Corey Taylor or M. Shadows putting it out there.
Rodney Of Anom.


Actually, I am very glad you brought this up. I have taken the liberty to copyright all of my songs. This is probably the best one I have every written, I copyrighted this one first

To TranscedUK: Yeah, I've played around with various riffs and I finally found the perfect one yesterday. I might make a rough demo of this song sometime later

Thanks for all the coments guys!
#17
Bombs exploding all around me
Blood runs thin!
Guns a'blazin I'm going crazy!
Will we win?

We must destroy the world we know!
We tried to warn, we tried to show!

We aim for war! We aim for war!
No fear of pain or death!
We aim for war! We aim for war!
You have taken your final breath!
We aim for war! We aim for war!
Now you know what we can do!
We aim for war! We aim for war!
There's no stoppin, we'll come for you!
We! Aim! For! War!

(Solo)

WE! AIM! FOR! WAR!
WE! AIM! FOR! WAR!
WE! AIM! FOR! WAR!
WE! AIM! FOR! WAR!



I'm not sure about the line 'will we win?' and especially the use of the question mark. Everything else is nihilistic declarations, so a more tentative question kind of seems out of tone. Perhaps a line like that would work better in a bridge part (which can be more contemplative), but otherwise maybe something like "kill to win!" which sounds almost the same btw but keeps the stronger tone. Or something that still rhymes but, since the line before talks about going crazy, is even more scattered, like "Kill, Die, Win!" Whaddya think?

Good work overall. I could see Trivium singing this.
Last edited by ATM* at Aug 7, 2008,
#18
Quote by 3rdActguitarist
Actually, I am very glad you brought this up. I have taken the liberty to copyright all of my songs. This is probably the best one I have every written, I copyrighted this one first

To TranscedUK: Yeah, I've played around with various riffs and I finally found the perfect one yesterday. I might make a rough demo of this song sometime later

Thanks for all the coments guys!



ummm you dont need to copyright them, you just have to send a copy of them to your self in the mail, the date will be recorded on them and as long as you dont open them youll always have profe that you wrote them
#19
You seem to have a knowledge of the elements put into this style. I cant say my critique would be a fair one, because I don't fancy the genre.

But everything reads very fluently. I also thought of Mustaine.

I like the emotion in the piece, but you should add some more imagery. Perhaps I am wrong?

Well done.
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