#1
she said come with me up the tower
just beyond the edge of city lights
we can watch the death of the night
as the sun slays the stars

watch the waves crash on the horizon
as the rays break and storm the beach
this battle happens every morning
she informs me

things we miss
while we sleep
lets skip bed

we sat up their the rest of the day
until the enlightenment wore off
watch the moon seduce the sun
while the stars take the street

hit the lights
so we can
catch up on
our dreaming
#3
Quote by frd_marshll

she said come with me up the tower
just beyond the edge of city lights
we can watch the death of the night
as the sun slays the stars
I liked this. It was fairly obvious what you were saying, but it was far more interesting this way.

watch the waves crash on the horizon
as the rays break and storm the beach
this battle happens every morning
she informs me
I don't know how I feel about the word 'informs'. It gives the piece a bit of a different tone than the other words you picked to use.

things we miss
while we sleep
lets skip bed
Not a huge fan of this section. I know what you were going for, but there should be a better way to put it...

we sat up their the rest of the day
until the enlightenment wore off
watch the moon seduce the sun
while the stars take the street
Again, interesting way to put it. Thumbs up.

hit the lights
so we can
catch up on
our dreaming
I like this little bit more than the other section of short lines.


There really isn't a climax, that is the only overall complaint I have. Definitely enjoyed reading it.