#1
This was just a spontaneous thing I wrote and I may turn it into a song seeing as it seems more like a poem right now.

I took a walk through my
Conscious bookstore
It's used to be a nice bookstore
Any book i wish can be bought
With a sudden realization, a quaint idea or thought
A lot of books were misplaced recently
I have a ****ed up conscious mind
That misplaces things
Even things that are in plain sight
One book in particular stood out to me
Sitting smugly in the front of the bookstore
On top of its shelf and in of all places, the Non-Fiction section
I decided to take it up with the store manager
Why i couldn't put it myself in its correct place,
I don't know. I think it was because
I felt like arguing with these incompetent fools who ran my mind.
I told them that any rational, logical person knows
Exactly where to place that book.
"I want that goddamn book in the Fiction section",
I told them, I know I did
So they went and did what I said
I've never been one for misplaced books that don't belong in my head
I'd rather have that goddamn book gather dust with
Out dated fairy tales
and
Magical-wish-there-could-bes
Than have it commit Mind-Simpling felonies
Towards whoever manages to walk into this particular bookstore
Looking for the truth

I haven't had any epiphany's
I haven't had any awakening's
Just as stupid as before maybe only a bit more corrupted

Maybe I should turn this bookstore into a library.
#2
Quote by classicrockrox
This was just a spontaneous thing I wrote and I may turn it into a song seeing as it seems more like a poem right now.

I took a walk through my
Conscious bookstore
It's used to be a nice bookstore
"Bookstore" is not a musical fruit. You're lucky it worked the first time, but don't try it a second.
Any book i wish can be bought
With a sudden realization, a quaint idea or thought
Freeverse style here is okay, but not miraculous. I think each half of this line has an extra syllable crammed in there.
A lot of books were misplaced recently
I have a ****ed up conscious mind
I did like the concious mind referance here, because it's a more accessible phrase than "bookstore", and is further down the piece. The previous line, however, poorly uses words to emplace a flow. It's happened several times so far.
That misplaces things
Even things that are in plain sight
...and is happening again...
One book in particular stood out to me
Sitting smugly in the front of the bookstore
On top of its shelf and in of all places, the Non-Fiction section
I decided to take it up with the store manager
Why i couldn't put it myself in its correct place,
I don't know. I think it was because
I felt like arguing with these incompetent fools who ran my mind.
An interesting thought here in this line.
I told them that any rational, logical person knows
Exactly where to place that book.
"I want that goddamn book in the Fiction section",
I told them, I know I did
Feels uneccessary. Made me think "What, are they ignoring him?"
So they went and did what I said
I've never been one for misplaced books that don't belong in my head
I'd rather have that goddamn book gather dust with
Out dated fairy tales
and
Magical-wish-there-could-bes
The stop - and the phrase - don't seem to fit here.
Than have it commit Mind-Simpling felonies
Towards whoever manages to walk into this particular bookstore
Looking for the truth

I haven't had any epiphany's
I haven't had any awakening's
Just as stupid as before maybe only a bit more corrupted

Maybe I should turn this bookstore into a library.


I didn't feel connected, and I didn't care whether your bookstore turned into a library or not, because the word selection (mainly early on) fought against the grain as far as flow. It was just hard to read, though it got better.