#1
Wings of the Fallen

In a heartbeat everything changed
The wind blew from fallen to decayed
And with a tear our world was saved
My last breath, closure for the soul betrayed

Looking from the past to the distant new born day
I realise the death of ashes and seek to turn away
So forever this will be the end of those willing to fight
For this was the only thing that could have survived

In the loneliness I clenched my hand to my chest
This is my final hour - please let this be the last death
Forever I have fought, and I will fight to my end
But the fires won’t let me forget those that I have left

What was once tainted is now pure
In death I’ll find the last source for the cure
So with my last battle I close my eyes
And from my soul my nemesis shall rise

In a dream the memory came to me
Not lost as others are meant to be
A light to guide my path ahead
A light to linger in my stead
The answers in death we seek

Written By Luke Griffiths
#2
I'm going to give this a generalised stream of crit rather than doing it bit by bit.

Most of the images and phrases you used were either cliched or just made hardly any sense. Things like I realise the death of ashes and seek to turn away
! And some other lines next to each other just don't either. Because of that any feeling that could be put in to that sentence just isn't there. It certainly doesn't feel like you're absolutely giving up on life when writing it, and that passion is what's needed.

The syllable count was all over the place. Some lines, such as So forever this will be the end of those willing to fight just have too many ideas crammed in to them, with none of them expanded upon or made clear.

The confusion in the message of this was made much worse by the rhyme you chose, it seemed forced beyond belief. Like you restructured the whole stanza around the rhyme.

Making metaphors more personal and contrasting them with this characters loneliness would do this a world of good. Things like that.

There are good ideas here though and if you could put a bit more of your heart in to this it could be well good.
There's only one thing we can do to thwart the plot of these albino shape-shifting lizard BITCHES!
#3
^ Unfortunately I wholly agree with Dig. But, on the other hand, I can understand why you wrote this....


.... I don't have much to say because there isn't much to say.