#1
Take me home, I don't know how this could end well,
Just keep sayin to myself, what the, what the hell;
Follow you, you really bring me out my shell,

But what am I supposed to do?
What; What am I supposed to do?

Late night when we crawl up the apartment stairs,
Dodging eyes as we hide from neighbours jealous glares,
Drunk on confidence, you somehow strip me of my cares;

So how could I say no to you?
How; How could I say no to you?

I guess i'll have to find a way,
I can't do this every day,
Damnit; you're leading my astray,
So set me


Free to run from the vice of poison,
I gotta break out of this barless prison,
Help, please help me,
Someone, Somebody;
Hear my cries, don't drag me down.


Dark light runs through the curtains in the morning;
Conciousness, my friend is slowly dawning,
Lost my life and I guess I should start mourning;

How can I escape from you?
How; How can I escape from you?

I need to start running, I really gotta get away,
You bring me down, but I can't live my life this way,
I'm sorry darling, but you gotta know it's better this way (this way);

This time I'll say no to you.
Yeah, I'll just say no to you.

I guess I really found a way,
Don't have to do this everyday,
Thank God; No more leading me astray,
I set me


Free to run from the vice of poison,
I guess I broke out of this barless prison,
Help, please help me,
Someone, Somebody;
Heard my cries, don't drag me down,
Again.


No more anger,
No more venom,
At least my ghost goes
Straight to
Heaven help me,
Someone, Somebody...
Give me the strength to save you,
Save you from your sins.
#2
This is a great piece. Flows really well. I thought the rhyming might get a bit repetitive and annoying, but it's not too bad. Just be careful with that sort of cat in the hat rhyming scheme, it could come off kinda cheesy, if you get what I mean. I like the chorus. The last line "Hear my cries, don't drag me down" is a little bit cliche and predictable. Something more original there would give it a little more kick, IMO. I really like the way you used repetition to show the progress and development of the situation in the song. Pretty clever. : )

I need to start running, I really gotta get away,
You bring me down, but I can't live my life this way,
I'm sorry darling, but you gotta know it's better this way (this way);


The only part of the song I wasn't too keen on. It's, IMO, bland. Doesn't bring up any sort of specific imagery and only restates something already made clear. I know it's being used to sort of transition into the second part of the song, but I think you could be a little more creative, judging on everything else you wrote.

Again, awesome piece. Enjoyed reading it. Thanks for the crit on mine. : )
Cause I love feelin' dirty
And I love feelin' cheap
And I love it when you hurt me
So drive those staples deep