#1
Another song i wrote recently. Tell me what you think.


Verse1:
Im coming from a small place
Trying to make it big
I want to get a taste
Of that life I want to live
I’ve got my friends with me
But i’m not sure what that means
I don’t have much with me
But I think that’s all I need

Chorus:
If I made it big would you still be here
Cause I don’t want to be alone out there
So let me put my life in gear
And drive towards that life so rare

Verse2:
I need to look for my shot
And I better not miss
Gotta be right on the dot
Maybe take a few risks
Im a man of few words
I’ll go the extra mile
Im gonna fly with the birds
If for only a while
#2
dude thats awesome and its kinda like inspirational if you know what i mean check mine out =]
www.myspace.com/veronicasanatomy

^my bandith.
#3
amazing man....really good
the only thing id change is

And drive towards that life so rare
i would chane that too
And drive toward the life that's so rare

but other than that..really good
crit mine whenu have the chance

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=827411
"You've got to dance like nobody else is watching.
Dream like you will live forever.
Live like you're going to die tomorrow,
and love like it is never gonna hurt."
-- James Dean (1931-1955)

Quote by JakeTheDuck
This man has the right idea.


^
oh yeahhh
#4
Quote by crzysnowborder
Another song i wrote recently. Tell me what you think.


Verse1:
Im coming from a small place
Trying to make it big
I want to get a taste
Of that life I want to live
I’ve got my friends with me
But i’m not sure what that means
I don’t have much with me
But I think that’s all I need

Chorus:
If I made it big would you still be here
Cause I don’t want to be alone out there
So let me put my life in gear
And drive towards that life so rare

Verse2:
I need to look for my shot
And I better not miss
Gotta be right on the dot
Maybe take a few risks
Im a man of few words
I’ll go the extra mile
Im gonna fly with the birds
If for only a while


Honestly, I'm not quite sure how you would make a song out of it. It seems, IMO more like a poem.

It has a good message.

The only thing I would change is the last line of the chorus seemed forced to keep up the rhyme pattern.
#5
For what it is, this is good. Unlike the subject matter, it doesn't seem to be striving to be something epic though. I think if you're going to run with the kind of unsure character voicing in how you've written this, the 'so rare' line simply doesn't work.
There's only one thing we can do to thwart the plot of these albino shape-shifting lizard BITCHES!
#6
It's a simple song, but one with a message that doesn't need to be overly explained. Trying to start a life and wondering if that special someone is down for the ride. Classic to the point that, if done right, it won't get old. Try and you have a serious shot at top 10