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#1
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/comment/columnists/jeremy_clarkson/article4275039.ece?pgnum=2


Look, Mr McChap - you’re part of Britain, so just get over it
Jeremy Clarkson

If you were part of the Wimbledon centre court crowd on Monday, when Andy Murray came back from two sets down to beat Richard Gasquet, I hope you are thinking seriously this morning about doing the decent thing and committing suicide.

As I sat watching the revolting spectacle on television, I was - and this doesn’t happen often - ashamed to be middle class and English. Because there they were, 15,000 phlebitis-ridden Surrey women in their size 16 summer frocks, furiously banging their bingo wings together every time that poor Frenchie made a mistake. And raising what’s left of the roof every time Murray, who looks like a piece of string with a knot in it, got a point.

This was not Britain versus France. It was two individuals who have worked hard to become their country’s number ones, bashing it out at the world’s premier tennis tournament for a chance to be flattened by Nadal. And because of that noise, and the whooping and the idiotic bias, the best man lost.

Sport is as much about mental attitude as talent, and it’s hard to get your head in gear when you are faced with a sea of highlighted raspberry-ripple women waving their Daily Mails at you and applauding every time you do a double fault.

Rabble-rousing does not happen in other countries to anything like this extent. Because their tennis crowds have manners. And the thin-lipped, surgical-stockinged, Volvo-driving masses who descended on Wimbledon this year plainly do not.

I wouldn’t mind but they were cheering for a man who has, in the past, made it plain that he is not English at all, or British. But Scottish. And that, for me, is becoming a problem.

When we kindly gave the Scots their Stone of Destiny back, I thought that that would be that and Sean Connery would go back to playing golf. But no. Every day there’s another rabid attack on the English from up there in the heather, another demand that we simply sever all ties and let them forge their own path in the world.

This I don’t understand. I can see why the English might want independence from them. Scotland is a drain on our economy to the tune of about £10 billion a year. But them wanting to leave us? Isn’t that a bit like the oxpecker spitting in the rhino’s eye?

They’d have to have their own embassies around the world. They’d have to get their own currency. And think of how much it would cost to set up a whole new state, especially in a country that managed to spend £414m on a parliament building. That works out at £1m for every man, woman and child still living there. Scotland would even have to get its own army. Oh no, wait a minute. I’ve just remembered. They have one already. It’s called the SAS.

There’s more, too. Only last week there were calls from north of the border for a separate Scottish entry for next year’s Eurovision song contest. What? The Proclaimers? Or just a random collection of men in dresses blowing into their tartan bags? Either way, I can’t see them getting too many votes from Estonia.

It’s funny. I’ve never had a problem with Scotland or its people. I recognise the massive contribution it’s made to the world of inventions. I like haggis. Local Hero is my all-time favourite film. And in a rugby match, I’ve always supported the boys in blue so long as they weren’t actually up against us.

Certainly, if I felt the need to poke a bit of fun at someone, the Welsh made much better targets. Now, though, things seem to be changing because, when I stop and think about it, I’ve never met a Welshman whom I’ve disliked. Apart from Piers Pughe-Morgan, obviously - and he claims to be Irish. Whereas, these days, every Scotchman rides into the room on a wave of bile and nationalism.

They have become the new Australians; unable to get through any conversation without bringing up a litany of English failures and embarrassments. Ask a barman up there for a glass of Scotch, and what you get instead is an essay on Culloden and Stirling and Bannockburn, and Murrayfield back in March.

All of this is fine when it’s good-natured, but I have a sense these days that the veneer of friendly rivalry is being replaced with a mask of smiling anger. Sometimes I get the distinct impression that if I mention Falkirk, the McChap will lean over the bar and pull my arms off.

I feel about this the same way that a mother might feel when her daughter, whom she’s loved and nurtured and helped - with £10 billion a year - suddenly turns round and says: “I hate you. And I’m going to get a flat on my own.” You know the poor child is going to have her heart broken and get into trouble and catch chlamydia.

So this column - it’s a plea. Can you stop it? You lost. You’re part of Britain. You’ve had 300 years to get used to that, and it’s starting to look as though you’re being stubborn.

The fact is that the union has been a good thing. We are grateful to you for inventing penicillin and the telephone, and you should be grateful to us for introducing you to proper food and trousers.

If you want to go, that’s fine - but can’t we at least part as friends? Because if we can’t, next time there’s a tennis match between Murray and Gasquet, I shall simply support the person who lives nearest to me. And that’d be the Frenchie.



What do you people think? Is this just plain bigoted, or do you agree with him?

Discuss.
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#2
Woah wall of text, please summarise


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#4
Quote by Absent Mind
Woah wall of text, please summarise


No, sod off.
"It's funny how most people love the dead. Once you're dead, you're made for life" - Jimi Hendrix

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Is it incest if I had sex with my brother in law's half sister? Because if it is, it was so ****ing worth it.
#6
Not reading it all right now, I have things to do.

I do, however, agree with what I read.
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Also you're off topic. This thread is about Reva eating snowmen.
#7
I agree with it being stupid for Scotland to want independence. Just doesn't seem like a wise move economically. And yeah, the Scots do tend to have a lot of pent up anger against us harmless Englishfolk. =P

Edit - Guess I was the first one to read it properly. =P
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#8
i didnt read that wall of text but its jeremy clarkson, so ill take his word for it
Yeah i finally got round to all this, so, what shall i put here?

*insert hillarious ego boosting qoute here*


THE GAME
you just lost it
#9
Didnt read it all, he's absolutely right though. Andy McMurray has shown disdain towards England, so as an Englishman I wasnt supporting him. I cant see any problem with that.
#10
Jeremy Clarkson for PM!

Seriously, he's a legend. I'd never argue with him because I'd lose so hard
#13
I'd need some more context to comment on this. Simply because I don't know anything about the scottish/english relations at the moment. So I guess I'll just shut my mouth.

But lolz, all of Scotland is getting chlamydia.
#14
Quote by DanRev
By the way, does anyone read it in his voice in their heads?


Lmao, I did! Even down to the way he accentuates the ending of each sentence.
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#15
Quote by DanRev
By the way, does anyone read it in his voice in their heads?


Definitely.. I read some of it thinking it's something only Clarkson would say so I imagine his voice
#16
Agree fully on his points about Murray.

But he did a bit of generalising there.
I for one am Scottish but since I live in Britain, I am British, although I call myself Scottish more, not sure why but it's just a force of habit.

However, as said, his points on the whole "being bitter" and what not is certainly true, i have friends who wish hate upon English people for the sheer fact that they are English.

I just poke fun at England in sport for fun, my English mates do it to me and i do it to them, it's harmless between us but there are certainly some people here with a rod up their arse when it comes to just accepting that we're British first, Scottish 2nd.
#17
Read it all. As arrogant as Clarkson comes across sometimes, he does have a point.

Quote by Cadj
...there are certainly some people here with a rod up their arse when it comes to just accepting that we're British first, Scottish 2nd.

To be fair, people who say that are a bit daft. If you want to look at it like that I'd be British first, English second.
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Also you're off topic. This thread is about Reva eating snowmen.
#18
Jeremy Clarkson should have his ass turned into Aladins cave. I don't like the guy even one bit
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#19
it is a puzzeling problem. i'd like the union to remain intact, but it'd just go to pot if they really want to loeave, so we'd have to let them
Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our minds.
#20
Quote by DanRev
By the way, does anyone read it in his voice in their heads?

haha, i did!!
Seriously, i watch too much Topgear and from the moment i started to read it, it was in Jeremy's voice!
Oh and i'm not british either!...
But well, I think Jeremy's got a point...
The Scots really should stop hating the English...
Different story here in Ireland though!
#22
Quote by big fury monkey
Jeremy Clarkson should have his ass turned into Aladins cave. I don't like the guy even one bit


Are you, by any chance, Scottish?
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#23
"Certainly, if I felt the need to poke a bit of fun at someone, the Welsh made much better targets."


#24
I think Jezza's got a point there. There definetely is an air of Anti-Englishism in Scotland, a 700 year old grudge that's tearing Britain apart. I disagree with him disliking Murray because he claims to be 'Scottish.' That's just BS. IMO he's got a point but I get the opinion he hates Scots because a minority are ruining our image for the rest of us. Union FTW!
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Jeremy Clarkson for PM!
+1

I call your +1 and raise you +2
Last edited by HamOfGod at Jul 13, 2008,
#25
Quote by Glimsom
Are you, by any chance, Scottish?



Nope I'm from South Wales (Wales)
Quote by GnR_ROK
Words for describing the ladies subtly

Damage - bit of alright
Major damage - bloody fit
Damage has been done - older fit bird
minor damage - fit but you would be arrested for it
collateral damage - ugly bird with fit mates
#26
Quote by big fury monkey
Nope I'm from South Wales (Wales)


Ah, England's caravan park.

I kid! Seriously, your national dish is awesome.
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#28
Quote by HamOfGod
I think Jezza's got a point there. There definetely is an air of Anti-Englishism in Scotland, a 700 year old grudge that's tearing Britain apart. I disagree with him disliking Murray because he claims to be 'Scottish.' That's just BS. IMO he's got a point but I get the opinion he hates Scots because a minority are ruining our image for the rest of us. Union FTW!


It's articles like these that tend to stir ill-feeling however.
This is also interesting: http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=rdChs1CSs2E
Not saying i agree with it tho.
"It's funny how most people love the dead. Once you're dead, you're made for life" - Jimi Hendrix

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#29
He definately has a point. The scottish do their best to **** us over.

Do you know why the english have tuition fees and the scottish dont? Well, the scottish parliament took part in the vote for english tuition fees and their majority vote for fees in just england ment that WE have tuition fees and they dont. Its ****ing rediculious.
#30
Quote by Glimsom
Ah, England's caravan park.

I kid! Seriously, your national dish is awesome.


Cheese n ham toasties?

AGREED!
#31
I dont understand why he brought in australians... Generally I dont give a crap nor say anything to british people :s Also he sounds like a biggot.
#32
Quote by DanRev
By the way, does anyone read it in his voice in their heads?

yes. And I knew someone along that article he would generalize a group of people into one car using community - like he always does. Also, Bell didn't invent the phone.
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You'll Never Walk Alone
#33
I always prefer to call myself English rather than British, so I can see why a Scot might prefer to call themself Scottish.

I do however think it's fucking ridiculous for a nation to hate another nation as a general rule (other than those in conflicts). You don't have to take on the opinions of your great-great-great-grandad, you know.
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#35
Quote by HamOfGod
I think Jezza's got a point there. There definetely is an air of Anti-Englishism in Scotland, a 700 year old grudge that's tearing Britain apart. I disagree with him disliking Murray because he claims to be 'Scottish.' That's just BS. IMO he's got a point but I get the opinion he hates Scots because a minority are ruining our image for the rest of us. Union FTW!

I call your +1 and raise you +2



No, he is saying he hates murry coz he is anti english
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silly racist bitch finally kicked the bucket

#36
Quote by Feel bad inc.
I dont understand why he brought in australians... Generally I dont give a crap nor say anything to british people :s Also he sounds like a biggot.


You are obviously unfamiliar with the wonders of Jeremy Clarkson. I used to dislike him to, but he sucks you in, like a Black Hole.
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#38
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I LOVE THAT GUY'S ACCENT SO MUCH!!!!!

Do you have to type in green?!

Anyway, I just read it. He does have a bit of a point.
#40
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Yeah, everyone hates you.

Noo!
Everyone loves our Guinness and leprechauns! We just don't give a crap bout the english anymore... though you might still find a few streaks of hate in places around...

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Do you have to type in green?!

Yup, its brilliant!!!
And it hurts your eyes!!
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