#1
First song I've ever written... please use constructive criticism please.

Chorus x2
There's blood on the walls!
There's blood on my hands!
There's someone down South smiling...

Feeling a little bit ANGRY?
You have no idea what it's LIKE!
Try my life for once and see if you like it...
I've been pissed off for YEARS!
I've seen everything come and GO!
But now I'm sick and tired of it...

Chorus x2

Solo

You think you hate your LIFE?
Take a walk in my shoes for ONCE!
Don't get comfy now it's gonn be a rough ride...
You're gonna wish you were DREAMING!
You may even wanna DIE!
Just be careful now about what you wish for...

Chorus x2

At least someone still likes me... (evil laughter)
There once was a chicken named Cluck.
He once was told that he sucked.
He tried to say something
but couldn't say nothing
and came up with "Cluckity-Fuck."

Peace out.
#2
critique please...
There once was a chicken named Cluck.
He once was told that he sucked.
He tried to say something
but couldn't say nothing
and came up with "Cluckity-Fuck."

Peace out.
#3
well dude to be totally honest, it didn't even seem like a song, just some angry kid crying about his feelings.. maybe add some rhyme i guess to make it flow more
#4
I have to agree with dKApS. There's no real form or flow. It doesn't read like a song. Granted it's your first song but next time around try and make it more uniformed. Make some of the lines rhyme a little more, another thing is you have the chorus sung 6 times yet only have 2 verses. Try to change that up a bit and your next one will be better.
Your opinion is just that, YOUR opinion. It doesn't make you right. It doesn't make you better. It doesn't make you god. Everyone has their own view and that view is neither right or wrong.

Ignorance destroys music.