#1
this is a song i wrote, called Afterlife. what do you guys think.

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(verse)
standing still like a statue
hating almost everyone and loving a few
it's all so clear to me now
willingly i must descover the afterlife.

(pre-chorus)
So tell me mama why did you cry,
when I told you i was gonna die.
You should be happy for even I can see
that this is not the place for me.

(chorus)
It's not easy, It's not easy
Give me one more chance
please just try to believe me

Let me stay, or take me away
An afterlife awaits me on the other side today.

(verse)
choking back tears, a gun in hand
Why am I like this? This is all I can see.
Alone in a dark room, beside a bible I stand
As I fulfill my god's unholy fate he planned for me.

(pre-chorus)
So tell me mama, why did you cry,
when you found out that I died.
you should be happy for even I could see
that that was not the place for me.

(chorus)
It's not easy, it's not easy.
give me one more chance,
please just try to believe me.

Let me stay, or take me away.
I've entered my afterlife as I have planned today.

(bridge.. break thingy)
Here I am
The face of the lord
and it frowns upon me
it's not good
why did I do this?
why did I do this?
why did I do this?

(chorus)
It's not easy, It's not easy
Let me come back
please just try to release me

Force me to stay, or shove me away
This afterlife I fell in is unholy today.

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In case you all havent realized it, it's about a guy who thinks god wants him to kill himself in order to find a better afterlife and he does it but regrets it in the end.

my motivation for this song was from the song Afterlife by Avenged sevenfold (yes, the song in my sig.)

EDIT: a few grammar errors
Epiphone: Les paul Custom SB
Line Six Spider III 15
70$ wal-mart brand acoustic

Quote by black amendment
You're awesome, dude.
#3
Quote by guns_rosesldb
sounds really good



thanks, but i really need some criticism also.
anything i can improve, etc.
Epiphone: Les paul Custom SB
Line Six Spider III 15
70$ wal-mart brand acoustic

Quote by black amendment
You're awesome, dude.
#4
I like it as well. Only one thing that bugs me is that the first verse does not rhyme... if you take a look at how you've structured the second verse, you rhyme A,B,A,B, whereas in the first verse you are rhyming A,A,B,C... which probably works for a poem, but not a song.

The depth and meaning behind the song are awesome... give it a couple of tweaks and it becomes REALLY awesome.

Cheers.