#1
'Suburb Blues'

(Well) just the other day,
I was waiting on time,
waiting on time (but)
mostly hoping for a ride.

I felt stuck to the curb (and)
stuck with my life- like I'd been
glued to my shoes,
which were always untied

until some kid came up
that I don't even know.
He had a mop of gray hair (and)
wore dark overalls.

Then he opened his mouth;
it was the strangest thing
and asked me flat-ly
what I was waiting for.

'Not sure,' I shrugged,
once and again, 'but
I'm counting the minutes (and)
waiting on time.

(Yeah) it's alright;
I've got the suburb blues,
the suburb blues (and)
it's down to my shoes.


(I guess) it's just one of those things (that)
when I fall like a tree a-lone in the wood(s),
at least I go down with the suburb blues.


*(And) it's alright, though it's down to my shoes.
(At least) I've got the suburb blues.*

(Well) that kid was still there
even when I was half done,
burning up to say what
it was he had to say.

'Back when I was a kid,
there was of course no AC
in the car that my
nanna drove around town.

One day it was hot (and)
the air, so dry.
My lips were cracked, though
she promised to be right back.

(So I) sat in the sun,
baked but alive,
counting the minutes (and)
waiting on time, thinking

I'm just a kid, who got
stuck a car that
has no business
stuck in the sun. (Well)

(I guess) it's just one of those things (that)
when I fall like a tree a-lone in the wood(s),
at least I go down with the suburb blues.


(Yeah) that's right;
I've got the suburb blues,
the suburb blues (and)
it's down to my shoes.


*(Well) I may be waiting on time. (But)
(at least) I've got the suburb blues.*
Last edited by akikobleu at Jul 14, 2008,
#2
GREAT MAN!!

alright! well the "blues" in the title is what attracted me to this song in the first place :P im pretty much a blues freak.

The whole thing is a story but just kinda hints at what your trying to say. and i really like that.

Also, I like what you did with it here. at the end. "At least i've got the suburb blues." Blues is what you got nothing else :P so you really used it correctly lol Im not quite sure how this would be as far as the singing goes. I'd have to hear it. But over all i really think its great.

Good job man and keep it up!!

PS thanks for the crit on my last song :P

"When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace." - Jimi Hendrix
#3
i could see that as a blues song.
didn't like the down to my shoes thing personally but, it's nice to read a fellow blues fans lyrics.
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#5
Enjoyed this piece. It really kept me wondering where you were gonna go next. good story.
#6
i really love the second stanza of the chorus about the tree and going down with the suberb blues.

the "tree alone in the woods" as a reference to the "if a tree was to fall and no one was around to hear it would it make a sound" is great.


thanks heaps for the crit on my song. btw
#7
it was a great piece...i really enjoyed it...just like SHRED said i like that line as well...it stood out to me
#9
^yeah I agree you shouldn't really right out the "oh yeah" "mhmm" "watch out now" type of stuff, if you're singing the song, you should just feel those.
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#10
I admit I'm not really into Blues but this is, nonetheless, a pure blues song with common blues lyrics. The narrative was interesting, consistent and your imagery was good. I believe the only reason I won't say this is amazing, is just because it's not my thing. Overall there's nothing to detach or anything, it's just simple and good.

Nice work !
#11
I like this, it's interesting. Just like with mine the story is good!
I'd like to hear it!
"Well aren't we doomed in this beautiful day"
#12
This would not of been the most reachable of blues tunes for me personally if it were bereft of the chorus. It feels very meandering and sunny. There was a couple of mistakes that I noticed, or sections that needed tweaking. But to be honest, playing the Blues is never about completion or carefullness. Its about authentic ramblings from people who really feel for something and allow their guts to flow out onto a page or instrument, and I did feel that from this.
A mate of mine plays 13 bar blues instead of 12; it works for him and he's all the more blues in my eyes because of his uniqueness.
#13
I gave it a twice over.
I think you've got some good ideas going on here, but I'm not really a huge fan of it.
I get what's going on and it's a different kind of message I can appreciate. Nothing just sort of popped out. I really liked the second stanza though.

If you could C4C on this one I just did:
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=910837
Run!
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Last edited by GuitarSymphony at Jul 16, 2008,
#14
'Suburb Blues'

(Well) just the other day,
I was waiting on time,
waiting on time (but)
mostly hoping for a ride.
I maybe dumb, but I didn't quite understand this part

I felt stuck to the curb (and)
stuck with my life- like I'd been
glued to my shoes,
which were always untied
I liked this, it was cool and kinda funny


until some kid came up
that I don't even know.
He had a mop of gray hair (and)
wore dark overalls.

Then he opened his mouth;
it was the strangest thing
and asked me flat-ly
what I was waiting for.

'Not sure,' I shrugged,
once and again, 'but
I'm counting the minutes (and)
waiting on time.
This sort of explains that other part, I guess. Suburb life can be really boring... I've spent my entire life in it. I like the "it was the strangest thing" part for some reason.


(Yeah) it's alright;
I've got the suburb blues,
the suburb blues (and)
it's down to my shoes.

(I guess) it's just one of those things (that)
when I fall like a tree a-lone in the wood(s),
at least I go down with the suburb blues.
The tree thing is some really good imagery. Makes you think.


*(And) it's alright, though it's down to my shoes.
(At least) I've got the suburb blues.*
For some reason, I'm not really diggin the "down to my shoes", at least not how often you used it. I'd find some other rhymes and switch em out in a few places.

(Well) that kid was still there
even when I was half done,
burning up to say what
it was he had to say.

'Back when I was a kid,
there was of course no AC
in the car that my
nanna drove around town.
I like the nostalgia feeling here that you've got going

One day it was hot (and)
the air, so dry.
My lips were cracked, though
she promised to be right back.
The cracked lips is again good imagery, it puts you in the song

(So I) sat in the sun,
baked but alive,
counting the minutes (and)
waiting on time, thinking
Baked but alive is a good line. The last two kinda felt akward though.

I'm just a kid, who got
stuck a car that
has no business
stuck in the sun. (Well)
This part was funny. I wish I could hear the actual song to hear how this part plays out.


(I guess) it's just one of those things (that)
when I fall like a tree a-lone in the wood(s),
at least I go down with the suburb blues.

(Yeah) that's right;
I've got the suburb blues,
the suburb blues (and)
it's down to my shoes.

*(Well) I may be waiting on time. (But)
(at least) I've got the suburb blues.*

Cool how you switched the suburb blues around at hte end to be a good thing, if I understood this right.



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