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#1
It was the end of school and I was talking with this pretty girl and it was getting late so i told her I had to leave, so she rushed in to kiss me...
I had no ****ing idea and she busted my lip..
So there i am my lip bleeding laughing at her...

Then we stood there for about five minute in silence...


Whayts your story?
#5
One time I was tearing the throat of a hooker out with my teeth. Then later that night I noticed I still had some of her blood on my shirt. Boy was my face red.
[quote="'-[NiL"]-']You're not done being flamed in your other thread yet

My guitar was here first so lay hands off my soul.
#7
first time i ever made out wit hsome one i leaned in to far an we hit teeth and my gums started bleeding i t was really embarassing because she went and told all of our freinds
92% of teenagers have moved on to rap. Sig this if you think most new popular music sucks.


Me+Rap= Rap
#10
getting caught fapping by my mom...but that's a whole nother thread
Living is easy with eyes closed...
--------------------------

Quote by GnR_ROK
I'm surprised you returned to this thread after cheeseman owned you.
#12
Quote by mojorison
first time i ever made out wit hsome one i leaned in to far an we hit teeth and my gums started bleeding i t was really embarassing because she went and told all of our freinds

The first time I kissed a girl was I was with like 5 people watching the school football game and out of no where she leans in and starts to kiss me I threw her off of me and everyone got quiet and we all sat there for a few minuets.


I threw her off cuz she was a fugly one. And I didn't like her enough to want to kiss her.
#13
I found out my girl cheated on me so when I went over to her house, I told her I had to use the bathroom. Pissed in the sink, on all three of the toothbrushes in there and just as the flow was starting to die her mom opened the door.
Before you ask, no I didn't pee on her. Didn't have enough force in the stream left
#14
my girlfriends mom almost caught her giving me head, and so i didnt have time to button up my pants, so i grabbed her cat and put it on me, but the cat vibrated and i blew my load on the cat... it licked itself clean a few minutes later..
#15
Quote by TacticalMuffin
my girlfriends mom almost caught her giving me head, and so i didnt have time to button up my pants, so i grabbed her cat and put it on me, but the cat vibrated and i blew my load on the cat... it licked itself clean a few minutes later..

#16
Quote by PleasantStreets
being walked in on, by her mom...

"hey look, i'm screwing your daughter."


LOL I knew somebody would say something like this

My mom is an uber-conservative Christian who walked in on my gf and I on top of each other making out once...it didn't go over well...
#17
Hmm...

I slept with my ex at her place, and I had to rush home for my sis birthday dinner.

So I got home, hugged my mom and my dad. My dad said in front of: My mom, my grand parents, aunts, uncles, cousins... that my breath smelled like p*ssy.

Awkward.
Need fashion advice?

Quote by PaperStSoapCo
I wish I had a dick like a black guy instead of my little white dick.

Quote by JoelTheShredder
i love you more than words can express jean.


I saw Rick Astley in Quebec City, on April 10th 2009. Best day of my life!
#18
Quote by TacticalMuffin
my girlfriends mom almost caught her giving me head, and so i didnt have time to button up my pants, so i grabbed her cat and put it on me, but the cat vibrated and i blew my load on the cat... it licked itself clean a few minutes later..


At least you can say you came on her pussy....


Horrible joke, I know, I just couldn't resist.
#20
Quote by TacticalMuffin
my girlfriends mom almost caught her giving me head, and so i didnt have time to button up my pants, so i grabbed her cat and put it on me, but the cat vibrated and i blew my load on the cat... it licked itself clean a few minutes later..


#22
I was supposed to spend the night with a friend, and he had to go home early, but I wanted to get drunk. So I told him to go home by himself, and I'll walk to his house when I was drinking. 2 hours later, his mom picked me up while I was walking to his house, and I reeked of beer. The akward silence was very akward.
#23
Quote by PleasantStreets
being walked in on, by her mom...



have you ever had to jump out of a two story building naked
#24
Quote by PsychoTony
have you ever had to jump out of a two story building naked


...I'm intrigued...
UG's HIPPIE
#25
I was in gym and I walked over to my friend (who's white) and I decided for some reason to jokingly say in a deep southern accent "Pick dat cotton boy!" with little attention that there was a black guy right behind me who heard me say that.

Q#m
e|--6--|
B|--5--|
G|--7--|
D|--7--|x2586
A|--5--|
E|-----|


Play until she breaks up with you.

The most brutal band to ever exist is...

You should go like them...even if you don't like them.


-Sloppyjoe24
#26
Quote by Mental Hop
One time I was tearing the throat of a hooker out with my teeth. Then later that night I noticed I still had some of her blood on my shirt. Boy was my face red.






Anyway i was talking to this girl....


(Awkward enough???)
My signature has doubled...
__________________
My signature has doubled...
#27
Quote by sloppyjoe24
I was in gym and I walked over to my friend (who's white) and I decided for some reason to jokingly say in a deep southern accent "Pick dat cotton boy!" with little attention that there was a black guy right behind me who heard me say that.


hahaha
#28
Quote by Mental Hop
One time I was tearing the throat of a hooker out with my teeth. Then later that night I noticed I still had some of her blood on my shirt. Boy was my face red.

Why, I thought you said it was only on your shirt
Quote by duncang
maybe it's because i secrely agree that tracedin inymballsackistheb best album ever


he's got the fire and the fury,
at his command
well you don't have to worry,
if you hold onto jesus' hand
#29
Quote by sloppyjoe24
I was in gym and I walked over to my friend (who's white) and I decided for some reason to jokingly say in a deep southern accent "Pick dat cotton boy!" with little attention that there was a black guy right behind me who heard me say that.


*Resists posting YOU GONNA GET RAPED picture*


Yeah, awkward? Probably me running around a house full of people. Nude. And my penis shrivelled up like a dry lettuce.
#30
Quote by Moggan13
*Resists posting YOU GONNA GET RAPED picture*


Yeah, awkward? Probably me running around a house full of people. Nude. And my penis shrivelled up like a dry lettuce.


yeah definataly
#31
Quote by Nathan_393
LOL I knew somebody would say something like this

My mom is an uber-conservative Christian who walked in on my gf and I on top of each other making out once...it didn't go over well...


Ha for some reason i read that as " walked in on my Grandfather and I"

lollerific
360 Gamertag: NEB Vanguard

Quote by josh15742
you sir are epic in every way imaginable

i literally bursted out laughing


Quote by Kenny77
Hats off to you sir!



#33
Quote by pureebil333

omgz!
That thread was amazing.

Pedo-Baiting ftw!


Having sex, hear a knock on my door, my Mum was like "You ok in there? What's wrong" I totally just giggled with my ex, said I'm fine... She pulled the handle on the door & opened the door a little, asked what I wanted for tea, I said nothing in a frantic shocked voice, she left.

Then it shrunk for a bit...
Quote by demoniacfashion
Is there any black people on UG?
I don't think a lot of black people play guitar anymore.

Quote by Oasis-fanatic
they all kinda went extinct after hendrix really.


Needless to say, I lol'ed.

Quote by human panda
Appart from being on UG or wanking, thats what i mostly do
#34
Quote by pureebil333


OMG, too bad that wasn't in u laff u lose. Cause i lost SOOOOOOOOOOoooooo bad.
GEAR

Hohner MR-800
B.C. Rich Rich Bich Platinum
MIC Squier Strat
Boss MT-2 Metalzone
Fab chorus
Fab echo
Fender Super champ XD
#36
i met some girl on myspace and she said lets meet i said fine. her sister looks a lot like her and i was like jackpot this girl is ****ing hot, turns out the real girl i was supposed to meet was really fat and looked nothing like she did on myspace so i stopped that lol. the whole day at the mall i was quiet and disappointed.
#39
We were chatting with our grandpa in Taiwan, and my sister just finished High School, so we were talking about university and she asks my grandpa, "Did you go to university?"

And then suddenly he goes, "NO. No no no. We weren't as lucky as you back then." And then he proceeded to tell us an extremely lengthy story about how it was WW2 and they had to have 1 bowl of rice between 8 people and everyone was hungry and suffering.

Boy, was that awkward.
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