#1
I just finished this song yesterday, and I'm interested to see what people think.
Here is the actual song: http://boomp3.com/listen/bz2jsell5_7/immortal

And here are the lyrics:

***************************************

Trapped.


Doomed to die - In this cruel time.
Learn to fly - then fall in a flash of light.
Can we try - to escape it all?
What is time - but a cruel old man?

Mere mortals bound by gravity.
Ate themselves, come to hate themselves.
What choice do they have but to move on?


As we search for something better than this world.
We stop to think...
Can we know what is out there?
In this endless swirl of light and dark.

Save our ship.
Save our souls.
Before we die.
A light in the dark awakens.


Sparks fall as we blast through the atmosphere.
Looking to find anywhere but here.
The final stand, there are no shedded tears.
As humanity's end draws ever near.


Mere mortals bound by gravity.
Ate themselves, come to hate themselves.
What choice do they have but to move on?


As our fate takes its shape,
we found our answers in the sky.
The universe our great escape,
for we shall never die. x2
#2
The fact that you produced this, well, you get props for that!

The guitar was nice and drums added depth. Your vocalists sang in something like minor thirds, which is great but instead of employing such harsh ventricular vocals, direct your vocalists to open up their throats and 'sing from their gut.' It doesn't make sense and is physiologically incorrect but that's a good way of 'picturing it.'

Haha, it's always pretty hard to get vocals down so that was impressive as is.
As for the person who did the lyrics at the beginning, it sounds as if that might not be his tessitura.

The lyrics, though, were great. Message, flow and imagery was excellently woven into one awesome, dark piece.

One question would be the 'Ate themselves.' Does that mean 'to eat' or 'hate?' But I'm just being nit-picking, haha. Keep up the good work; you have talent.

If you don't mind blues, you can check mine out. It would be very much appreciated.
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=909791