#1
I didn't know OG had this section where people critque and help with lyrics, but now I do!

This is my first post and i must stress i'm no songwriter as you will read in a minute. I just thought i'd post them to see what people come back with. I find it really difficult to write stuff, but this kinda just came out.

Cheers, guys. Look forward to hearing you comments.


Change

As I walk down your path
Wondering why I’m here
Afraid of what i’ll find
I fear

I dreamed this day would come
But standing on my own
I can’t see what I
Would say

Has it really been this long
Did I forget when it begun
I don’t even know what I ask of you
But I know I must be here
Yes I know I must be here
Yes I know

I traveled through the night
A journey long and far
Staring at your door
I turn

My thoughts are running wild
Shooting through my mind
I can’t change what I
Have done

Has it really been this long
Did I forget when it begun
I don’t even know what I ask of you
But I know I must be here
Yes I know I must be here
Yes I know

I can’t change for you
No, I won’t change for you
No, I won’t change for you
In my life
#2
Umm, what do you mean by saying you're no songwriter. You just proved here that you are!!

I wish I came up with 'My thoughts are running wild.' Clearly you have a grasp on rhythm and flow. I would change the second 'No, I won't change for you' by just dropping the 'No.' But, it's your decision. I have no right to really critique you!!

But, I would appreciate your critique. And please write more!!
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=911488
#3
*reported*


please read the rules in the announcement at the top of this forum.
wait for this thread to be closed.
then repost with a proper title.

EDIT:
Quote by pengam
Ok....... first post and I broke the rules. nice....
relax. it happens. shake it off and learn from it.
Quote by pengam
What did I do wrong? I had a look through the rules, but which rule did i break?
look through them again.
read about titles and figure out what is in your thread title that caused me to report it.

carmel_l will be online in a few hours and close this.
while you're waiting, study the rules.
now that you've been told to read them, you're responsible for adhering to them.
and next time, don't reply on a reported thread.
just PM the person who reported it or a Mod for this forum to ask those kinds of questions.
Meadows
Quote by Jackal58
I release my inner liberal every morning when I take a shit.
Quote by SK8RDUDE411
I wont be like those jerks who dedicate their beliefs to logic and reaosn.
Last edited by SomeoneYouKnew at Jul 17, 2008,
#4
Ok....... first post and I broke the rules. nice....

What did I do wrong? I had a look through the rules, but which rule did i break?