#1
I know I owe lots of people from my previous piece and I promise to get them all this weekend, including comments on this piece. Probably the last in the series, maybe one more. We'll see. Enjoy.

Trails 1 Trails 2



Trails 3 – An Encounter To Remember:

Don’t go out to the streets tonight.
Don’t let the children
pick your pockets from their treasures
of Western delights.
The nights are full of danger, here
in the alleys of tourist town.

The knifeman lurking round the ATMs,
the glue-sniffing, drug-dealing miniature-men,
kids of the bend,
that sell real grass for what it’s worth
if it was used to pad their dusty backyards.
Tonight they celebrate.

It’s Carnaval night.

And every carnivore stare that tears you apart
from the side streets, the gutters, from
behind tight shutters,
when you walk the walk, pride the talk,
take part in their happiest of days;
every look that they share is that of
the deepest of hungers.

It’s Carnaval night in tourist town.

So we’ll dance till it’s light,
in hope that the bad bugs won’t bite too hard,

but if they do -
we'll have the scars to remember this encounter by.



This is not a pipe
#3
pick your pockets from their treasures
of Western delights.

Didn't flow so well.

I adored the imagery in all of it.

for what it’s worth
if it was used to pad their dusty backyards.

Could be clearer. It confused me with the present/hypothetical change.

And every carnivore stare that tears you apart

I don't think that the that is needed.

And maybe the last line didn't quite live up to the rest of it, but it was good.

This felt like one of the best atmospheres of this series, but the least finished. I thought it was wonderful.
There's only one thing we can do to thwart the plot of these albino shape-shifting lizard BITCHES!
#4
i enjoyed a few of the moments in this
more than the piece as an entity.
S3 and S5 stand out
because they're single lines.
having the first being a truncated version of the second
felt out of balance.
using the Portugese Carvaval
rather than Carnival
felt odd to me.
being part of the great unwashed
i had to look it up
thinking it was misspelled.
when you first mentioned the children
it seemed as though it was going to be a warning for them.
but in the next line we discover it you were warning of them.
surprises are lovely.
i liked the use of tourist town
as though it was the name of the place.
and the interaction of
Canaval and carnivore
was splendid.
bad bugs made me think of bed bugs
and rhyme associated with them.
that really made me wish
S5 was exactly like S3
it would have further enhanced
the similarity to the rhyme.
Meadows
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#5
You're at your best when you're expansive, not minimalist.

While I much preferred the other two for the inch-perfect grasp of atmosphere and narrative, this did have a little charm of its own.

I didn't think it was as well written as the rest of the series, though. But the other two were really beautiful.