#1
ots+c4c (leave a link)


Named by Gods
and shaped by nature
a mind so blurred

The body keeps growing
the legs are expanding
but the mind is dead cold

at the age of 12
(with the art of rhetoric)
he ages no more.

The body keeps growing
but the mind is dead cold

Life time routines
and never any questioning
is the the only way to live?

"A" and "B" shall always be "C"
the mind is growing
but the mind is dead cold

A system marked with Gold
#2
This was a little inaccessable for me, mostly because it was so deep. I felt there was a wisdom I just couldn't reach. If you expanded this to be longer, though, I think this could be great. Maybe use the extra length to further clarify what you mean.

The flow was very nice and you manipulated language quite well to narrate an excellent piece.

That's mine below. Thanks!
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=911698
#3
Named by Gods
and shaped by nature
a mind so blurred
excellent

The body keeps growing
the legs are expanding
but the mind is dead cold

at the age of 12
(with the art of rhetoric)
he ages no more.
i'm a little bit lost here

The body keeps growing
but the mind is dead cold

Life time routines
and never any questioning
is the the only way to live?
I'm looking for another word here...

"A" and "B" shall always be "C"
the mind is growing
but the mind is dead cold
another killer stanza

A system marked with Gold

Overall, I would say it just needs a bit of filling out, but maybe you were shooting for something minimalist, I don't know. Definitely a great start to something in my opinion.
mine is https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=912419
Last edited by Firebrand at Jul 18, 2008,