#1
Eh. c4c.

Sotophynthesize
Earthquake,
Earth shakes.
Our grip slips,
Our hands break.
We all fall, "deep".
I've got secrets that I can't keep.
You hold me. Tight-like. Teddy bear.
You tell me, "Love,
Your feet are roots,
And I'm counting on you
To keep us grounded.
Your feet, our roots,
Don't let me down. "
But we fall, I've lied
I'm not a plant, I'm just tired.
#2
Makes me think of bohemians in a coffee house with bongos and long Shatner-esque pauses.
I felt like a monster reincarnation of Horatio Alger......a man on the move and just sick enough to be totally confident.

Quote by Hexagram
Oh and Zeke, i find you to be over-rated
#3
Quote by Zeke5000
Makes me think of bohemians in a coffee house with bongos and long Shatner-esque pauses.


Exactly what I was aiming for.
#4
Hrmm, I'm having a bit of a dilemma with this one Nick. On one hand, I'm loving the way it's written. I could keep reading and reading it over and the words just seem to fly off my tongue. The rhythm is spot on. Especially in those first few lines, the word play and the rhyme really make it read so nicely.

My problem is that I'm not quite getting it. Usually I click with your pieces instantly, but I've read this over and over and my interpretations for it are full of fail. I mean, the last line is obviously there for punch, relating back to the title, but I can't connect it to anything. Can you help me out with a PM?

I have to say that apart from that, there are some sections I absolutely love. The "tight-like. Teddy bear" was my favourite line in the piece. Every time I read it I think it sounds better. My problem is still the interpretation of the piece or what that line means in relation to everything.


I hope I helped you some way. I have a long piece of prose up if you could give me a short comment? I know this comment isn't really worth much of a return but I'd love your input on the piece.
#5
It's about a couple that's going through hardship, and the woman is counting on the man to pull them through but he's not strong enough to keep them from falling apart. I don't like to explain my pieces, but I didn't think it was that vague. Hope it makes more sense to you now anyway, Kyrl. Also yeah, I'll get to your piece after I've had a little sleep. Thanks a lot for your input.
#6
Yeah, I hate explaining my pieces too which was why I was suggesting a PM or something. It's not that it wasn't clear, I think that both the hardship and the not being able to get through were both present in the piece but I couldn't really connect them into anything.
#7
I loved it. Last line was ace.
Does the deliberate misspelling of the title bear meaning within the piece? You don't need to explain it, I'm just wondering whether it does or not.
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