#1
C4C, leave a link.
another poem. Somehow I find it easier to write poetry than songs.

Passing through the think green foliage,
The comfortable hum of the bus engines beneath me,
The irritating talk of the 12 years olds before me.
As I strain my ears to catch the sound of your voice,
The surroundings suddenly darken to twilight.
It's nice sitting here in my customary seat,
With soothing grey all around me
And knowing you're here, even for 30 minutes.
The sky is a picture of black, grey and white.
Storms, looming over the horizon
Thunder clouds, majestic, glowing grey.
I've enjoyed sitting through storms with you.
Snatching glimpses of you, while staring out of the window,
Looking at the tall trees; their branches rising up in protective arches.
I like it when there are storm clouds over my head.
#2
Quote by wind_on_fire


Passing through the think green foliage,
I'm a little confused. Did you mean thick?
The comfortable hum of the bus engines beneath me,
The irritating talk of the 12 years olds before me.
As I strain my ears to catch the sound of your voice,
The surroundings suddenly darken to twilight.
It's nice sitting here in my customary seat,
With soothing grey all around me
And knowing you're here, even for 30 minutes.
The last thought seems kinda tacked on. It could probably flow better.
The sky is a picture of black, grey and white.
Storms, looming over the horizon
Thunder clouds, majestic, glowing grey.
I've enjoyed sitting through storms with you.
Snatching glimpses of you, while staring out of the window,
Looking at the tall trees; their branches rising up in protective arches.
I dig the protective arches part.
I like it when there are storm clouds over my head.


It's a cool poem. I think you could change some things to make it flow. The last line could be worded a lot more eloquently.
I felt like a monster reincarnation of Horatio Alger......a man on the move and just sick enough to be totally confident.

Quote by Hexagram
Oh and Zeke, i find you to be over-rated
#3
Quote by wind_on_fire
C4C, leave a link.
another poem. Somehow I find it easier to write poetry than songs.

Passing through the think green foliage,
The comfortable hum of the bus engines beneath me,
The irritating talk of the 12 years olds before me.
Comfortable + Irritating, it creates a cool description of the environment
As I strain my ears to catch the sound of your voice,
The surroundings suddenly darken to twilight.
It's nice sitting here in my customary seat,
With soothing grey all around me
These two lines changed the topic rather suddenly. I don't really like that. The lines themselves are good though.
And knowing you're here, even for 30 minutes.
The sky is a picture of black, grey and white.
Storms, looming over the horizon
Thunder clouds, majestic, glowing grey.
You have used the word 'grey' quite a few times by now...
I've enjoyed sitting through storms with you.
Snatching glimpses of you, while staring out of the window,
These two lines are my favorite by far.
Looking at the tall trees; their branches rising up in protective arches.
I like it when there are storm clouds over my head.


It is a nice poem, with a little work on flow, this could be changed into lyrics without too much trouble. Please crit my piece "Rusty Skin" there is a link in my signature.
#4
I like imagery, but maybe find a synonym to gray, silver or something... good piece, could use work, feel free to crit any of the songs linked in my sig...
My Music:
Solo project: myspace.com/dermy3blkaht
Full band (iRockit): myspace.com/nj136