#1
critique please DONT be nice!

i shouldve said this a long long time ago
but at the time i just didnt' know
that the smiles and the tears were one in the same

i've always told you the truth about how i feel
but i never thought you thought that i was real
i thought you thought that i was just playing a game

so i won't promise you the mountain or the sea
and i can't promise you that i will be

a good man, a better man, or anyman indeed
but i promise i'll be a man if you're still listening
a strong man, stronger man, or any man but me
but i promise i'll be your man if you'll just be with me

thanx
#3
Quote by Dumb91
critique please DONT be nice!

i shouldve said this a long long time ago
but at the time i just didnt' know
that the smiles and the tears were one in the same
Nice intro

i've always told you the truth about how i feel
but i never thought you thought that i was real
i thought you thought that i was just playing a game
I think that "thought" is way overused here. Replace it with other words maybe

so i won't promise you the mountain or the sea
and i can't promise you that i will be

a good man, a better man, or anyman indeed
but i promise i'll be a man if you're still listening
a strong man, stronger man, or any man but me
but i promise i'll be your man if you'll just be with me
Good ending

thanx

As you can see, I'm not that much help, but I thought I'd give my 2 cents. Thanks for the critique.