#1
Quote by Selected Target

You walk like you live,
In the deepest sunken dreams,
When your here,
You will rise above it all,
But the rest of us won’t fall,
To our knees,
You might be an angel,
To everyone but me,

They might shut their eyes,
Mute and just smile,
For you,
If to you it didn’t belong,
All the rights would be wrong,
Would you be shot down like me?
“It was a mistake, let’s move along”,
No, not this time,

Chorus
I won’t let you get away,
This time,
My heart isn’t stone,
I can be torn, I can be cold,
So who are you?
To turn your back on me,
To put the blame on me,

I will lower my voice,
Let it creep by choice,
Leave it be,
And you will sail on by,
Through a sea of mercury,
And a sky of lies,
No one watches from the shore,
They don’t care anymore,

Crit for crit.
#3
Quote by Selected Target
You walk like you live,
In the deepest sunken dreams,
When your here,
You will rise above it all,
But the rest of us won’t fall,
To our knees,
You might be an angel,
To everyone but me,

(These last two lines are great)

They might shut their eyes,
Mute and just smile,
For you,
If to you it didn’t belong,
All the rights would be wrong,
(Good rhyme)
Would you be shot down like me?
“It was a mistake, let’s move along”,
No, not this time,

(I wonder if I will like the last two lines of every stanza. )

Chorus
I won’t let you get away,
This time,
My heart isn’t stone,
I can be torn, I can be cold,

(Good imagery)
So who are you?
To turn your back on me,
To put the blame on me,

I will lower my voice,
Let it creep by choice,
(Again, nice rhyming)
Leave it be,
And you will sail on by,
Through a sea of mercury,
(It could be my horrible lacking of scientific knowledge, but I don't understand the line above)
And a sky of lies,
(Nice)
No one watches from the shore,
They don’t care anymore,


I really like this piece. It's evident that it is very deep. You portrayed what you were feeling beautifully and I don't think it's possible to improve by leaps and bounds (Although there is always some room for improvement). Keep up the good work.

Crit mine, please? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=913093
It all makes sense
We're capable of beauty
Through sounds that make on cringe
The dogs only hear us now