#1
Floating in a translucent ball of fog, rolling through the never ending nothingness of space. My soul is strapped to a chair as my bodie walks through this place. Forever walking the earth without a cause or reason, but to find inner peace. Life, as if not short enough for us, will be short and bleek for me. For my soul has a cause and reason and will soon enough be released of all chains and set free to seek its true purpose of being.

My bodie will walk uncontrolled, without cause or reason as my soul lingers in the dark, waiting and watching for the prestine bliss of opportunity to arise. And when this time and place shall make itself, from oblivious and unknown, aware to me, my soul will trancend from the dark to the light and hence forth its purpose. Shadows will cast over the weak and the mislead, light will glow around the right and just and then the time will arise for my bodie to reunite with my soul so I can speak of my knowledge of the unknown upon the masses.

But until then, my bodie will walk the earth while my soul is left behind, sitting in the dark, waiting for the opportune time to arise and conflict with whats right.....and whats wrong.

For when this time comes, all shall know the answer to the ultimate question that we have asked scince the dawn of time. This question, unanswered and seeked out for so long will finally be unlocked and told to all.....and for all to hear and acknowledge. This question of why we are alive and to whom we were created by, will be answered. The universe holds the secret within the nothingness of space, as we hold the key, yet to be unlocked.
Gods Favorite Little Asshole
#2
These lyrics are quite intriguing! I think some of the sentences are sort of long a ramble on though. The following line for example: For when this time comes, all shall know the answer to the ultimate question that we have asked since the dawn of time.. It seems too long. I think you should get rid of a some of the unneeded words. What sort of music would you see this song being played as? I think it would be hard to sing really, it seems sort of wordy. I'm not really sure what style you're going for.
#3
well, I don't really have a style, it sorta depends on how I'm feeling at the time and I was sorta down at the time, and it was also 5:00 AM. I just start writing and go with it. Like, I wrote the first line thinking I was going to write a short peom but I couldn't stop writing, and just kept adding things. I never really think of what I've wrote until I'm finished and then take what I can get from you guys on here. I don't know what to make of it but atleast you don't dislike it, and yes it does seem like I rambled on alot.
Gods Favorite Little Asshole
#4
This would be amazing if you had a kind of intense ambiant riffs going in the background and then some fast, freestyle sort of spoken word going on.

That's how I hear it, anyways, sounds great!
#5
I wouldn't mind it you would act more eager and get more to the point with this piece. My suggestion would be one-two sentences per idea, "For when this time comes, all shall know the answer to the ultimate question that we have asked since the dawn of time" Could be "We've had this question forever" not saying that my phrase is better just saying it sends the same idea w/ less words. And my feeling is only use as many words as necessary, especially in free verse unless it affects the flow. But this is free verse. If you plan on rewriting and post it I will give a more in depth crit.

If you want to check mine out they are in my sig.
#6
thanks wonderapple and Matt Chavie, I could see it played like that apple. And I will probably rewrite this, a little shorter and with an ending. I checked your two out, they were great, they flowed real nice. Thanks Guise, I'll put this one up rewritten or post another one I've written that I have gotten some good reviews on so far. It's in my blogs, The Theory of Life, ight thanks.
Gods Favorite Little Asshole