#1
Eh, this has a straightforward meaning I think. It's for a song that I'm entering in this National Youth songwriting comp.

Kicking Stones


Lately I've been kicking stones
Watch them rolling, take the fall
Tumbling, breaking; spirals
Down and down, and down and round again

Look out the window, at the rain
Look in the mirror, see the pain
Look to windward, across the plains
But on the inside, we shall remain

Loudly, we fall
but louder, we can rise

It's not too late to start again
It's our one and only choice
Either that or suffer the burden
Of living without a voice

Lately I've been kicking stones
Watch them rolling, take the fall
Our lives revolve around this drop
If we don't stop ourselves, we are lost
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You're just another brick in the wall
#2
Quote by En_zed
Eh, this has a straightforward meaning I think. It's for a song that I'm entering in this National Youth songwriting comp.

Kicking Stones


Lately I've been kicking stones
Watch them rolling, take the fall
Tumbling, breaking; spirals
Down and down, and down and round again

Look out the window, at the rain
Look in the mirror, see the pain
Look to windward, across the plains
But on the inside, we shall remain

Loudly, we fall
but louder, we can rise

It's not too late to start again
It's our one and only choice
ok the next 2 lines seem to be stated as a fact whereas in my opinion
this is a song which is a thought ... u knw the inner struggle thing,i just feel it states a fact and not a thought,abit of flow problem u knw

Either that or suffer the burden
Of living without a voice

Lately I've been kicking stones
Watch them rolling, take the fall
Our lives revolve around this drop
If we don't stop ourselves, we are lost


other than that it seems pretty good ... i hope u do get ur reward at the competition ...
goodluck mate
cheers
#3

Kicking Stones


Lately I've been kicking stones
you've set what could be a pattern
with the first three words.
they can be implied in the next line,
if you end this with a comma.

Watch them rolling, take the fall
you could drop the cap and move the gerund
to watch instead of roll
and add one to take.

Tumbling, breaking; spirals
Down and down, and down and round again

Look out the window, at the rain
Look in the mirror, see the pain
Look to windward, across the plains
But on the inside, we shall remain
definitely drop shall.
maybe change But to Yet.
either here or at the next time the word appears.


Loudly, we fall
but louder, we can rise
drop can.

It's not too late to start again
It's our one and only choice
Either that or suffer the burden
Of living without a voice
the thought here is fine,
but the execution isn't smooth.
rethink this section.


Lately I've been kicking stones
Watch them rolling, take the fall
Our lives revolve around this drop
if you keep this line, change this to the.
If we don't stop ourselves, we are lost
the last pair, especially the last line seem flat.
it's as if you're trying to sum it up the piece
into a tidy little message.
meanings are better implied.

nice piece.
the beginning was more fun than the end, though.
Meadows
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#4
Hey, Someoneyouknew.

Kicking Stones

Lately I've been kicking stones
you've set what could be a pattern
with the first three words.
they can be implied in the next line,
if you end this with a comma.

I see what you mean. I'm not sure how accurate we have to be with commas and such in this competition; they are going to hear a recoring of the song anyway. I sing it as if there was a comma there so yeah. I might as well.
Watch them rolling, take the fall
you could drop the cap and move the gerund
to watch instead of roll
and add one to take.

Good suggestion, but it doesn't really work with the singing melody. It's sung like "Watch them, rolling. take the fall."
Tumbling, breaking; spirals
Down and down, and down and round again

Look out the window, at the rain
Look in the mirror, see the pain
Look to windward, across the plains
But on the inside, we remain
definitely drop shall.
maybe change But to Yet.
either here or at the next time the word appears.

Hmm. Maybe I should. It sounds a bit funny doesn't it? That never really occurred to me. Yet, I don't think would work there vocalwise, but it's still a good suggestion. I'll think about it.

Loudly, we fall
but louder, we can rise
drop can.
I see what you mean, but I was implying that it does not happen automatically - like 'rising' is a choice or a struggle, hence using 'can.' I would cut it out though if I could because it is a little cumbersome. Maybe I'll change this whole bridge.

It's not too late to start again
It's our one and only choice
Either that or suffer the burden
Of living without a voice
the thought here is fine,
but the execution isn't smooth.
rethink this section.

Thanks, but what do you mean by execution? The music here is different from the rest of the song, if that helps.

Lately I've been kicking stones
Watch them rolling, take the fall
Our lives revolve around this drop
if you keep this line, change this to the.
I see. It would flow better, yeah.
If we don't stop ourselves, we are lost
the last pair, especially the last line seem flat.
it's as if you're trying to sum it up the piece
into a tidy little message.
meanings are better implied.

I know dude, this part frustrates me so much. I want to write something more indirect and cleverly vague, but looking at the previous years lyrical winners of the competition, all the songs have really straightforward easy meanings. And I don't think the judges are as smart as you, somehow. Gah.

nice piece.
the beginning was more fun than the end, though.


Anyways, thanks dude. This helped a lot. If I win the competition, I owe you!
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You're just another brick in the wall
#5
Quote by DesolationJD
other than that it seems pretty good ... i hope u do get ur reward at the competition ...
goodluck mate
cheers


Thanks for the pointer, dude.
Heh. Well I live in NZ and we have a small population. So how hard can it be?
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You're just another brick in the wall