#1
my tornado is resting

restless i twist
impatient i turn
relatively quite
latently i burn

as a snake i coil
like a bow i bend
waiting to release
a start to an end


something lays inside me sleeping
my anger
something churns inside me restless
my rage
something seeded deep within me
my fury
see me unravelling like a story
page by page

relentless obeying
persistent heed
craving to see red
u make me bleed

endless i plunge
everlasting this fall
everything that i lost
attaining back all

something placed inside me hidden
my sense
something waiting within me impatient
my precedence
something haunts me from the inside
my felony
sleeping within my resting tornado
my turbulence


my tornado rests within me
my tornado rests within me
my tornado rests within me
my tornado rests within me
#2
I like it but some of the lines don't seem very structured. Your syllables don't match up. Other than that, it's good. Keep trying.
#4
IMO it was a bad metal song, the concept of a resting tornado is very amateur to me. I'm not trying to be an ass, just this whole thing bothers me, or my tastes. The word use was limited, the imagery/metaphors were cliche, and the concept didnt wow me.
#5
Quote by Matt Chavie
IMO it was a bad metal song, the concept of a resting tornado is very amateur to me. I'm not trying to be an ass, just this whole thing bothers me, or my tastes. The word use was limited, the imagery/metaphors were cliche, and the concept didnt wow me.


+1 !!!1
#6
i really liked it. my metal band would totally steal this song to play at our show on saturday.

my band is are is awesome yo. we are christian. we rock. i would compare us to hatebreed and kid rock. we rule. we rap sometimes and it sounds like a new type of music.
#7
Quote by nathan900
i really liked it. my metal band would totally steal this song to play at our show on saturday.

my band is are is awesome yo. we are christian. we rock. i would compare us to hatebreed and kid rock. we rule. we rap sometimes and it sounds like a new type of music.


is there anything we could do about it lol ?! i mean shayt W T F ?!?!?!
ur to comment here lol ...
#8
thanx for all the comments ...... would like to include them and work upon them.

as for stealing the song please go ahead.....and make it into an anthem..just give me a bit of credit in the end

and if a hot chick asks who wrote it...just say my name..... :P
#9
Well I am glad to see you feel you need criticism. Heres mine. This song didnt strike me as your full talent as much as the last one. This one needs work. Not all songs have to rhyme but when you do one of these : "something lays inside me sleeping
my anger
something churns inside me restless
my rage
something seeded deep within me
my fury
see me unravelling like a story
page by page "

you kinda got to rhyme. I am taking it that this is your chorus right? Then try to rhyme either anger or fury with something else. But theres another thing you need to look at. A tornado resting isnt an extremely good metaphor. Try to re write this song keeping the idea of hidden rage but using a different more sensible metaphor.
The end of my opinion,
Rodney Of Anom.