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#1
can someone suggest a joke to tell her...?
CuSO4

"I don't have an instrument, I don't have a great voice, I just have some nice clothes maybe." paul rutherford
#3
Can't you make someone laugh by yourself? This friend......she doesn't really exist does she?
#4
Just show her your penis.
My Old Progressive Metal Band:
Acrasia
For fans of Between The Buried and Me, Dream Theater, Cynic.

My New Progressive Rock/Djent Band:
Wings Denied
For fans of Deftones, Tesseract, Periphery, Karnivool, Cynic.
#5
show her your penis.


sorry.

edit: damn.
Help Out A Dentist; Play Rugby


I have now met 1/5 of the original GNR lineup.
so far: Steven Adler
to go: Axl, Slash, Izzy, Duff.

Quote by ReeseKillsHIV

You sir, are a nice person.
#6
Q. why did chuck norris destroy the periodic table?
A. because he only recognises the element of surprise
#7
Quote by DieGarbageMan
Why Did The Bike Fall Over?


IT WAS TIRED!!!!


get it?


Brilliant
Quote by Sloopy
I'm not in a wheelchair, but I own one just for fun.
#8
Then wouldn't we be the ones making her laugh?
It all makes sense
We're capable of beauty
Through sounds that make on cringe
The dogs only hear us now

#9
get nekid. she'll die of laughter
Quote by Dillona
I think I want to have sex with you.

On topic: No, I haven't met any famous artists.


ofcourse i laughed xD

Quote by CoreysMonster
yeah we're all dead now. Turns out we've been in hell all along.

About the LHC

#10
1. Get a £50 note tattooed on your dick.
2. Tell her you're gona give her £50 to blow.
3. Show her your dong.
4. ???????
5. Profit!!!
May the Force be with You.
Carmel is hawt
#11
How do you brainwash a blonde?

A rigorous schedule of psychologically breaking down their confidence and resistance to outside suggestion.


Jesus is hanging on the cross and John approaches.

John says: "Jesus, its John. How may I serve thee ain thy time of need?"

Jesus replies: "YEEEAAAAAAAARGGHGGGHGGHGGGHGGHGGH!!!!!"


Three men are at the FBI Building for a job interview. The interviewing
FBI agent tells the first man, 'To be in the FBI you must be loyal,
dedicated, and give us your all. Your wife is in the next room. I want you
to go in there and shoot her with this gun.'

The man takes the gun, hesitates, and says, 'Sorry, I can't do it.'

The next interviewee enters the office and the agent tells him the same
thing he told the first guy. The second man takes the gun, walks into the
room, and walks out. 'Sorry, I can't.' he says.

The last man enters the office and the interviewer said yet again explains
the test.' The man says "I'm sorry I love my wife too much to do such a
harmful thing, I guess the FBI is not for me after all."


A man walks into a *****house and pays a prostitute for sex. He contracts an STD and passes it onto his pregnant wife. Their child is born deformed and has a difficult life.

When asked if he could see the humour in the situation, the child replied "No. No I don't."
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#12
Whats the difference between Chopped Beef and Pea Soup?


Everyone can chop beef but no one can "pee" soup!
H e l l o .
#13
Forceful sex is always an option, afterwards you can laugh about it.
Trust me, it's hilarious.
#14
What do you tell a girl with two black eyes?
Nothing. You already told her twice.

It's not that funny. And slightly off-color. But that's the only one I could come up with.

She dreams in color, she dreams in red.



Quote by josh999x
A guy put a dildo on his head and shouted look i'm a unicorn.

Quote by sg255
Patrick was so slang, but Squidward was a boob waffle.
#15
Tell her that your penis wants to say hello to her. If she doesn't laugh then tie a string to your dangle and learn a ventriloquism act.
When we're alone we'll find some peace
#17
2 peanuts walking down the street.........one was a-salted. =]


3 men walked into a pub.
I say 3, could have been 2, 4 or 6. Could have been the entire population of UK. OK so the entire world walk into a bar, first man says "I'll get this round" WHAT AN IDIOT!

(Bill Bailey fans will find that funny)
Quote by Last_Serenade
dimebag put as much emotion in to 9/10 of his solos as hitler showed when putting jews in syanide showers.

Quote by P-Laverty
QUESTION! Does emo porn have blood everywhere from wrist wounds?

Quote by Dabey
HAHA U IS TEH EMOZORZ

no but seriously, HAHA U IS TEH EMOZORZ
#18
Show her how to make a pencil disappear.
Quote by imdeth
This man deserves my +1

+1

Quote by denizenz
Go in peace my son, and teach to the pit dwellers what I have shown unto you.


ಠ_ಠ


XBL: huffy409
#19
"I sure woul love to f*** that Dakote Fanning"
Opie and Anthony Fan
XM 202 | SIRIUS 197
Linger Longer
#20
Quote by silhouettica
Just show her your penis.


Is it bad that that was the first answer I thought of for his question..?
Quote by 20cdndollars
You are god, floppypick



Floppydick


If that's how you read my name, leave a message saying so on my profile
#21
Quote by Kensai
How do you brainwash a blonde?

A rigorous schedule of psychologically breaking down their confidence and resistance to outside suggestion.


Jesus is hanging on the cross and John approaches.

John says: "Jesus, its John. How may I serve thee ain thy time of need?"

Jesus replies: "YEEEAAAAAAAARGGHGGGHGGHGGGHGGHGGH!!!!!"


Three men are at the FBI Building for a job interview. The interviewing
FBI agent tells the first man, 'To be in the FBI you must be loyal,
dedicated, and give us your all. Your wife is in the next room. I want you
to go in there and shoot her with this gun.'

The man takes the gun, hesitates, and says, 'Sorry, I can't do it.'

The next interviewee enters the office and the agent tells him the same
thing he told the first guy. The second man takes the gun, walks into the
room, and walks out. 'Sorry, I can't.' he says.

The last man enters the office and the interviewer said yet again explains
the test.' The man says "I'm sorry I love my wife too much to do such a
harmful thing, I guess the FBI is not for me after all."


A man walks into a *****house and pays a prostitute for sex. He contracts an STD and passes it onto his pregnant wife. Their child is born deformed and has a difficult life.

When asked if he could see the humour in the situation, the child replied "No. No I don't."


those are the worst ****ing jokes ever.
#22
Quote by floppypick
Is it bad that that was the first answer I thought of for his question..?


No, I thought that too. As did three other people who posted after me
My Old Progressive Metal Band:
Acrasia
For fans of Between The Buried and Me, Dream Theater, Cynic.

My New Progressive Rock/Djent Band:
Wings Denied
For fans of Deftones, Tesseract, Periphery, Karnivool, Cynic.
#23
Quote by fafinaf
those are the worst ****ing jokes ever.


The **** are you talking about?

They made me laugh like no other joke has!! They're brilliant!
May the Force be with You.
Carmel is hawt
#24
Quote by fafinaf
those are the worst ****ing jokes ever.


No, the worst joke ever would be your face.
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#26
Quote by Kensai
No, the worst joke ever would be your face.


No no no. The worst one is the mirror goddamnit!
May the Force be with You.
Carmel is hawt
#27
Quote by Kensai
No, the worst joke ever would be your face.



Case and Point.
#28
Quote by fafinaf
those are the worst ****ing jokes ever.

I think that's the point of them.


-Hey, do you know what's worse than finding a worm in the apple you're eating?
-The Holocaust.
#29
Quote by Kensai
No, the worst joke ever would be your face.



BURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRNED!
H e l l o .
#30
Ju$t F1nd A L4ffi T4ffi 4nd R34d T3h Fun3h J0k3$ L0l!!!1!!!11!!one!1!twelve!!111!!!111!!!
"We are the music makers... and we are the dreamers of dreams." - Willy Wonka
#31
I refuse to read that link to the longest joke ever. Out of curiosity though, is it funny?
Quote by Last_Serenade
dimebag put as much emotion in to 9/10 of his solos as hitler showed when putting jews in syanide showers.

Quote by P-Laverty
QUESTION! Does emo porn have blood everywhere from wrist wounds?

Quote by Dabey
HAHA U IS TEH EMOZORZ

no but seriously, HAHA U IS TEH EMOZORZ
#32
Quote by floppypick
Is it bad that that was the first answer I thought of for his question..?

I also intended on saying that
RULE BRITANNIA
#33
Quote by TheQuailman
I think that's the point of them.


-Hey, do you know what's worse than finding a worm in the apple you're eating?
-The Holocaust.

I thought it was going to have to do with tape worms or something
#34
Quote by TheQuailman
I think that's the point of them.


-Hey, do you know what's worse than finding a worm in the apple you're eating?
-The Holocaust.

Oh God, why did I laugh..
Quote by imdeth
This man deserves my +1

+1

Quote by denizenz
Go in peace my son, and teach to the pit dwellers what I have shown unto you.


ಠ_ಠ


XBL: huffy409
#35
Why did the theif get on the weighing scale?
cause he wanted to get away

Why was Mickey a mouse?
cause he was a cartoon character

Why was the Tomato chasing the fries?
cause he wanted to Ketchup

Whats something that you cant see, smell or hear?
carbon-monoxide gas
I see you're not using the UG black theme



Originally posted by GOD
akm_202, i now announce you, king of awesome. You may bow down to me.
#36
What do you get if you cross and elephant and a rhino?


Elephino (pronounced El-if-i-no)
When we're alone we'll find some peace
#37
[quote="'[x"]Huffy[x]']Oh God, why did I laugh..
I laughed too. I feel horrible lol.

She dreams in color, she dreams in red.



Quote by josh999x
A guy put a dildo on his head and shouted look i'm a unicorn.

Quote by sg255
Patrick was so slang, but Squidward was a boob waffle.
#38
Oh..I have another.

What do you get when you cross an owl and a bungee cord?
My ass.

I heard that on a movie. Kung Pow-Enter the Fist to be more specific.

She dreams in color, she dreams in red.



Quote by josh999x
A guy put a dildo on his head and shouted look i'm a unicorn.

Quote by sg255
Patrick was so slang, but Squidward was a boob waffle.
#40
Quote by Jdwannabe
I refuse to read that link to the longest joke ever. Out of curiosity though, is it funny?



not particularly

its a moderate stupid one liner joke...... just stretched out really long.

Look at the last line and you'll see the punch line, and you'll understand what I mean.


The funny part I suppose, for me at least, was knowing that I wasted my time reading the entire thing hoping it would actualy be funny

I got to the last line
smiled becaue it was.... moderately funny


then bust out laughing thinking about how much time I wasted.
Quote by sluffinator
Yeh this guy knows his ****... just listen to him XD


Quote by ScreamingCheeto
NaivexLi is anything but naive. His post was a pretty good source of info.


Thanks

Quote by MightyAl

Pro tip, kids - girls are NOT impressed by your blood.
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