#1
Babysitter/Molester

From between her legs
She slapped my hand away.
What am i supposed to say?
I'm only.... Only... Only...

Six years old (whoa) and my life is changed.
Six years old (whoa) and I got raped.
Six years old (whoa) and my life is changed.
Six years old (whoa) and I am not the same

She changes her expression
becoming the loving way,
but the twinkle of a star,
shines in her eyes.

A star is raped and dies. (Inside)

Six years old (whoa) and my life is changed.
Six years old (whoa) and I got raped.
Six years old (whoa) and my life is changed.
Six years old (whoa) and I am not the same

You make me feel sad and you make me laugh.
You make me feel like a raped giraffe.
The troops are in line and daft.
You are a raping general Taft.

Six years old (whoa) and my life is changed.
Six years old (whoa) and I got raped.
Six years old (whoa) and my life is changed.
Six years old (whoa) and I am not the same.
Last edited by candysars at Jul 21, 2008,
#3
Quote by candysars
Babysitter/Molester

From between her legs(good articulation)
She slapped my hand away.
What am i supposed to say?
I'm only.... Only... Only...(suspense)

Six years old (whoa) and my life is changed.
Six years old (whoa) and I got raped.
Six years old (whoa) and my life is changed.
Six years old (whoa) and I am not the same
(very catchy, the whoas tie it together)

She changes her expression(nicely put)
becoming the loving way,
but a(the?) twinkle of a star shines in her eyes.
A star is raped and dies. (Inside)(I get it, you were the star! Good job so far)
(Is the inside part background vocals?)

Six years old (whoa) and my life is changed.
Six years old (whoa) and I got raped.
Six years old (whoa) and my life is changed.
Six years old (whoa) and I am not the same

You make me feel sad and you make me laugh.
You make me feel like a raped giraffe.
The troops are in line and daft.
You are a raping general Taft.(good job showing us that this was from a child's perspective)

Six years old (whoa) and my life is changed.
Six years old (whoa) and I got raped.
Six years old (whoa) and my life is changed.
Six years old (whoa) and I am not the same.



This was greatly written, not a good event to have happen though. The small vocabulary in this really makes me think you are young and the childish imagery/metaphors are great. Crit one of mine please, they are in my sig, thanks!
#4
You make me feel sad and you make me laugh.
You make me feel like a raped giraffe.

best line in musical history EVER!!


but in all seriousness, it's not a bad song
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Quote by geetarguy13

I've never smoked before but it looks like fun.
#5
Thank you. Yes I was(molested that is). when i was 8. 4 years ago.
#6
I smell the makings of the next pop punk hit!!!!lol wicked song made me lol the whole way through!!! nice work dude
#8
Quote by job153
I smell the makings of the next pop punk hit!!!!lol wicked song made me lol the whole way through!!! nice work dude


its not FUNNY!!!!!!
#9
Quote by szekelymihai
funny man.interesting but a bit to tough.you need to stick to the measure


ITS NOT FUNNY.
#10
Quote by szekelymihai
funny man.interesting but a bit to tough.you need to stick to the measure


I think it worked well. He is pretty young, and so is the perspective you can't expect a child to stick to measure and him being the intelligent writer he is, he shows you that.
Last edited by Matt Chavie at Jul 21, 2008,
#11
feel free to comment without hurting my feelings.
Last edited by candysars at Jul 21, 2008,
#13
He's saying that the two above people found it funny, therefore he thinks everyone else thinks so too.
#14
I can't tell whether this was a joke in very poor taste or a serious attempt. If this was serious, then you tackled this subject extremely poorly.

The chorus was a joke. Get rid of that completely. The metaphors/similies were also.. just bad. Get rid of those. This piece needs a lot of work..
Like-father, like-son rebels bloated on korn, eminems and bizkits. Lord hear our prayer take back your Amy Grant mosh-crews and your fair-weather politics
Last edited by JustMimes at Jul 21, 2008,